Now look, kids…

i’m not a prude.  Oh, no, not by a long shot…  In fact, i may – just perhaps – be a bit on the far side of the median when it comes to my personal perversions. 

But let’s get something straight.  You sick fucks who search the interwebs on a seemingly endless basis for “girl scouts fucking”, or “naughty girl scouts” or “girl scout uniform fucking”?  A slight bit of advice, kiddies…

Seek professional help.  You have issues.  Deep seated, probably-impossible-to-fix-with-medication issues.  If “the one that got away” was only twelve years old?  It’s pretty much time you got that shit behind you.

When i put up this post?  i was drunk, fucking around and launching an imaginary nose-thumbing to a former Girl Scout leader with a stick up her tight white ass*. 

Perhaps equally disturbing is the increasing number of ‘search terms’ that are landing on this post.  The one about my mutt going to the dog park.  You see, lately there’s been a surge in people searching on the terms “Sniffing your own butt”  and “is it sick to sniff your girfriends butt”. **

Need to get to work on those “active countermeasures” for google search hits… Come here looking for sick shit?  daisyfae and Samuel L shall smite thee, muthafuckah

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

* Aw, shit.  Now i’ve done it.  All the pervs looking for “tight white ass” are going to end up here.  Well, you deserve it, you assmonkeys, for not knowing how to find quality porn in the internet.  You’re an amateur.  Go home, find some magazines under your grandpa’s mattress, and wank yourself silly into grandmas big white cotton bloomers…

** i’m not a professional… but i gotta say, ‘it depends’.  primarily on your timing…

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24 thoughts on “Now look, kids…

  1. [peeking around the corner] i’m coming in the room… i have chocolate! i mean you no harm… look, chocolate!!! please don’t kill or maim me… chocolate, for the love of FSM!

  2. “Masturbation Without Discipline” is one of my top post titles and doesn’t it frost their balls when they find it’s about comparing John Donne to our lame-ass modern poets.

  3. Oops, I stumbled across your site searching for “Samuel L Jackson drunk fucking grandmas tight white ass in big white cotton bloomers while naughty girl scouts sniff shit off their girlfriends butts…… muthafuckahs”

  4. The internet. She is a grimy, grimy place. (I get a lot of stuff about boys who are, um, WITH their mothers. I have no idea why. But what the deuce?)

  5. So, uumm, where are my Thin Mints? Are you saying all the pervs stole my Thin Mints before the Girl Scouts made it to me?
    Dammit, that means I have to work on sniffing my own butt now, I’m sure it can’t be more thrilling than when my dog has those Pffting problems.(please don’t let the “animal pervs” show up now)

  6. Hey, you should see the hits my “Best” and “Second Best” camel toe posts are getting! And not a word of disappointment. Now I need to find something which, while involving a sheep and a shepherd and velcro, is totally tasteful.

    Have you ever considered that the vast majority of those visits are from 13/14yo males who not only know no better but also have no taste? Hmm – perhaps I should rephrase that 😈

  7. silverstar – i don’t really consider these ‘hits’. more like ‘random stumbles’… have no idea how many folks ever come back after such a visit…

    gnu kid – [throwing stapler at adjacent wall]

    fragrant – yeah. not really trying myself… just doing what comes naturally.

    unbearable banishment – The Internet is for porn…. just grab your dick and double click for porn, porn, porn!

    renal failure – how’d you manage that? tina the lesbian or avonia the wiccan pimp got a thing for it?

    sledpress – “masturbation without discipline” may be a candidate for the name of my as-yet unformed rock band…

    ty – of course. don’t ask, don’t tell, baby…

    ginny – at first, i got a lot of “trailer park grannies fucking” but that’s dropped off a little…

    alex – probably something buried in one of my comments!

    nursemyra – you should start dressing all the grannies. bet the place would liven up quite nicely!

    kyknoord – the real reason people do yoga… auto-sniffage and the like…

    hisqueen – have yet to get much in the way of animal perversions. i’ll have to work on that. in the meantime, i’ll have a talk with the girl scouts regarding the thin mints…

    archie – so. let me get this straight: you want to know what 13/14 year old males taste like? 😀

    paisley – can’t do it any other way… sadly…

  8. any man who can’t find quality porn on the interweb on the first try is a disgrace to manhood, i love porn and can say in good faith that i’ve never stumbled across a blog when i search for “tight white ass”.

  9. renalfailure – shee-it, boy! that’s some funny, funny stuff! i may have to have one of my nearly dessicated eggs extracted in order to have your baby!

    kono – MY POINT EXACTLY! Who the hell is still using google to get to the porn? We The pros all know where the porn hubs are… sheesh…

    Bb – Shall i send a snorkel so you don’t suffocate?

    uncle keith – i’ve got one. but now, i’m wondering what you’d look like with your cute little felt beret and sash…

  10. Check out my buddy Evyl (purefnevyl.wordpress.com)
    He has search terms that put yours into the category of ‘Walt Disney’
    Funny shit though.
    Honest, huh?
    Christ in a sidecar, people are sick . . .
    ~m

  11. I get a lot of searches for “Lorraine Kelly in tights” at my place. Lorraine Kelly is a middle-aged breakfast TV presenter. Tights are what you call hose. Weird, no?

  12. michael – evyl is in my reader… oh, that’s yummy, twisted, perversery goodness… makes me wonder what is wrong with me. i get cranky when pervs surf on nekkid girl scouts, yet roll in perversions of the amusing kind like a dog on a dead fish. hmmm….

    cat – we always say “there’s an arse for every seat”. good to know that there are gents attracted to middle-aged women in tights… with or without ladders?

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