Beer Bunghole…

Playing “Beer Bingo” with friends at the local pub has become more than a quest – it’s therapeutic, and a very necessary coping mechanism to get me through the week.  Closing in on our goal of drinking our way through the 55 beers, we’re now staring down some  of the more exotic ales and tinctures of yeast.

Even after battling delayed flights and arriving two hours later than expected, i raced to the pub to pound a few pints press ever onward toward my goal.  Going through my beer bingo card mostly alphabetically systematically, i was staring down a gnarly “Old Peculiar”.  Blechhh… tried it once before, and it tastes like butt.  Decided to press onwards and just get the damn thing out of the way.

Imagine my delight when our server informed me that they had replaced it with something else… i’m sure he told me about the replacement, but i was so happy to be spared a pint of Armpit Ale that i ordered up… and gloated to my pals that the Peculiar Plague had passed by my door!

Turns out?  Hen’s Tooth Conditioned Ale – which must ferment on the fly – tastes like sweat socks, marinated under the ballsack of a Devonshire ploughman.   

The humor works on so many levels...

The humor works on so many levels...

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27 thoughts on “Beer Bunghole…

  1. Keep pressing on, it’s like climbing Everest but in a bar and we all know how glorious the view from the top is… the wonderful description of Hen’s Arse almost makes me want to try it, can’t be any worse than warm, grape Mad Dog.

  2. Hen’s Tooth sounds exceptionally delightful, and explains in a nutshell why I am a red wine – rather than beer – drinker of note. When I do drink it, and this is once in a blue moon, it’s usually an Amstel. I can do without the sweaty socks connection altogether, thanks 🙂

  3. I am such a lightweight drunk that I could never participate in such an endeavor. Every girl I’ve ever dated was able to drink me under the table. All a young man ever wants to hear after a few drinks is, “Take me, I’m yours.” All I ever hears was, “Are you drunk already.” Do you know how humiliating that is?

  4. Hen’s Tooth Conditioned Ale – which must ferment on the fly – tastes like sweat socks, marinated under the ballsack of a Devonshire ploughman.
    ***********************

    Pure poetry

  5. may I just inquire how your taste buds are able to distinguish between all those delightful flavors?? have you officially tasted each and everyone of those things to be such a connoisseur. If so, I apologize and feel humbled to be in your presents.

  6. dolce – you’ll be getting that pint in rather short order, no doubt! yikes! how to pack for a 2 month trip? don’t forget your horns…

    kono – Ahhh, the Mad Dog… been there, drank that, expelled that. My favorite fortified vino… it’s tasty when you add some bubbles…

    Miss P – if you like Amstel? you might actually like Blue Moon! Fruity, tasty and light-ish!

    stephanie – with just a hint of nutmeg…

    unbearable banishment – i dunno. sounds like you would have been a dream date for me… i’m not much on all that ‘dinner/drinks’ crap.

    jenny – i think i had harsher words the night of the event. but i can’t remember….

    uncle keith – “Butt and Taint”? Weren’t they a vaudeville act?

    hisqueen – sadly, i’m from “earthy” beginnings. we were poor, but proud… we had to boil Uncle Festus’ jock strap for broth when times were particularly grim…

    DP – i wouldn’t touch a beer called “Bishop’s Finger” with a 10-Foot Altar Boy. Had to google it – and by golly by gosh, it’s a real ale. i still wouldn’t touch it…

    annie – And now? The sad confession… i finished the bottle. After the halfway point? it wasn’t quite so bad… or i was sufficiently numb (hanging head in mock shame).

  7. HAHAHAHAHA. That was too funny. I like that word: ballsack.

    Note to self: must research ballsack and use in an educational post for the edification of my readership. P.S. Thank the drunk — er, the bloggin buddy who enlightened me.

  8. I find Old Peculiar quite quaffable. I saw a bottle of Bishop’s Finger in a specialist ale store here in Perth but chose to give it a miss as I figured the Bishop had probably the miss’s a miss – – –

    If you get the chance, try a Redback Beer from the Madilda Bay brewery here in W.A. It is a wheat beer.

  9. ‘tastes like sweat socks, marinated under the ballsack of a Devonshire ploughman.’

    That must have been quite a taste… Beer is beer if you ask me, though i havent had much better than the standard stuff you buy in a slab.

  10. Great story and great comments Daisy!
    I too am a lightweight by most macho man standards, don’t do wine or shots, just beer and well below 12 is my limit, but I do love it whilst it flows..
    As far as the girl I’m with? Who cares at that point? I just want to go home and crawl into a warm bed (by myself)….{{sigh}}

    ps. invited over by nursemyra.

  11. KJ – “ballsack” is best used along with the phrase “Lick my sweaty…”. Freaks out my son, STILL, when i yell that in traffic…

    archie – i’m not crazy about wheat beers unless i’m in germany for some reason, but i’ll give it a go. the “Hen’s Arse” grew on me. But i’d never buy it again…

    alex – my “daily beer” is just Beck’s Light. 64 cal and it’s more than just beer flavored, or even beer-COLORED water…

    silverstar – my ‘druthers is for bourbon, whiskey and scotch — but i’m trying to lose weight, and the nice thing about beer is that it’s filling, so i can’t drink that much!

    Bb – Ahhhh! Mystery solved! They make it for export and hope us dumbass americans will buy it and think we’re special!

    nm – thank you for that, dear… if you weren’t so sweet and hot…

    Miss P – technically, yes… but there are these things called “Lindeman’s” that are the champagne of beer. Fruity, bubbly and delicious… you might like one of those!

    kevinjohn – welcome to The Park! any friend of dear nursemyra is a friend here! safer to avoid shots, by the way… tequila in particular makes me lie and write bad checks, among other things!

  12. Advice from Canada, where the beer drinker reigns supreme:

    Drink three of a beer that you like. After that, they all taste the same, so you can drink your Hen’s Butt without grimacing.

    That’s the secret of a cheap drunk. You pay for three premiums and then the rest is cheap-ass “green” draft.

    Of course, the proviso is that the next day’s hangover (and resulting “bear shit in my mouth” taste) is a bit worse. But hey! You saved a few bucks.

  13. rob – that’s my strategy for scotch! i’ll drink two single malts, then it’s off the rack blends… hadn’t thought of it for beer, but you’re onto something!

  14. I’ve had Old Peculiar. Bought a six-pack in order to save the caps and make fridge magnets for a friend. I must like her a lot. It was NOT my favorite six pack of all time.
    Haven’t tried the “chicken butt”. I’ll give it a pass next time I see it in the local dive. Wait, they only have Pabst, Bud and Miller Lite in the local dive. Guess that won’t be a problem.
    Wish we had a place close by that offered the beer bingo sort of experience.

  15. squirrel queen – like the idea of bottle cap fridge magnets. clever. all you really need is a 20 year old boy in the house – even the skunk beer gets drunk eventually. i’ve been surprised in the occasional dive bar to find a few more interesting alcohol species hanging out… maybe keep looking!

    dolce – you should make him wax and polish them daily while you’re away. perhaps build a glass shrine/altar?

    DP – you would but not always which is what keeps it interesting i suppose… The BCA votes are deserved! Fingers crossed that you get some recognition for your… um…. rabid obsession with fierce devotion to the blogosphere.

  16. Do they have ONLY beer? Sounds fun, but I don’t wanna waste time checking it out if they don’t even have a cider for those of us with some taste. . . . 🙂

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