The importance of goals

Set a goal.  Reach it.  Feel that powerful sense of pride that comes with earned accomplishment.

You know, that’s where modern “self-esteem” doctrine led our children astray.  They were told “feel good about yourself – just because you’re you!”  No effort required.  You’re special – just like everyone else.  So when they ran into a rough spot, there would be tears, frustration and cries of outrage.

Bullshit.  You’re not special just for showing up.  You have to do something.  Work toward something challenging – something that Joe and Jane Average would not, or could not, achieve.

With deliberation and planning suitable for an Everest attempt, a small group has embarked upon such a quest.  We have committed to a task that is daunting, yet if we are successful, the reward will be immeasurable… and we will have EARNED a degree of specialness that may even lead to some local notoriety.

Our local watering hole issued a challenge in early November.  If you are brave enough, rugged enough and have the hepatic fortitude to drink your way through their menu of 55 beer varieties, earning stamps in your Pub Passport for each success, then you will have earned the right to $4 pints at any of their establishments FOR LIFE.  Do you hear that, people?  It is FOR LIFE!  What could be more noble, than pursuing something FOR LIFE!  Life is good… 

Oh, but wait!  Just like the secrets of the Ginsu Knives, there’s more!  If you can visit eight of their locations – the most remote being in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, – securing stamps from those establishments, you can earn NOT ONLY $3.50 pints FOR LIFE, but a nifty pub logo jacket.

Seeing as the pack of drunken fools team members were all band and theater dorks back in our teen years, we’ve never been cool.  Always on the outside looking in.  But now?  Those jackets are our tickets to Coolsville!  Right up there with the Pink Ladies and Iron Horsemen….

Sort of like “Bingo for Alcoholics”, we have imbibed our way through about 1/5 of the beers.  We even shipped one Commando up north, into the forbidden Northern No-Buy Zone, where she bravely carried our Pub Passports, and forced family members to impersonate us*… Battling sickness, small children and holiday travel to bring us closer to our goal.   A few road trips this winter, followed by a celebratory trip to the Ft. Lauderdale area** in the Spring! 

Surf’s up!  Duuuudes!  Dream big. 

Oh. Yes. We. Can.

Ft. Lauderdale, here we come!

Ft. Lauderdale, here we come!***

* Our local servers assured us that despite the “Photo ID” on the passports, the franchise really didn’t give a rip who carried in the documentation.  Our Fearless Teammate went in, and faced some difficult interrogation by none other than THE MANAGER of the northern facility.  But she’s a champ…

** My sister lives in the area.  We’re going to descend upon her like a pack of drunken sailors for a weekend to celebrate our glorious achievement.  We’ll clean up afterward…

*** i’m not Annette.  i’m the bad girl.  whoever she was….

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15 thoughts on “The importance of goals

  1. And…like the mighty Ginsu, multiple pints of beer renders one powerful enough to enact unmentionable horrors upon an unsuspecting tin can, while still remaining razor sharp enough to slice right through a double whopper on your way home from the bar. What?! There’s a tomato on there!

  2. Hey, I have climbed Everest, I have walked on the moon – I now freely admit that it was I who painted the touch powder onto the teachers toilet seats. It was I who wired up the telephone generator to the door handle of the Girl’s dorm at church camp. And it was I who lasted longest in the Pubathon – a drink in each of 17 pubs in one day.

    Then I got married and behaved myself. 42 years without a gratuitously evil act – if you don’t count puns – – –

  3. silverstar – there’s a kentucky bourbon cask ale that is beyond delicious. also, some odd chocolate stout and that sort of thing. by the time we’re done? i might have a new favorite! being an “elderly geek”? great aspiration!

    awalkabout – another three down after a tough session last night! we. shall. prevail!

    gnu kid – Mmmmmm….. Beer……

    pickles – yes, pick that damn vegetable off the slab of cow. toss it on the roadside for the squirrels and bunnies! we drink beer! we eat meat! [grunt, scratch…]

    tNb – eyed the prize last night at the pub. it’s mine. it just doesn’t know it yet… (it’s not stalking. really….)

    nm – we are willing to do what it takes to achieve this… even let people toss around our childhood nicknames, if it helps…

    archie – YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION! but the puns? worse than the toilet seat or the doorknob. seems you’ve channeled all of your dark-energies into tormenting us with words…

  4. i would consider this more of a quest, a quest for $4 beer immortality, i’m also pretty sure i could accomplish this in under 5 visits to the pub but i really, really like beer, now go forth and attain your grail.

  5. unbearable banishment – in this case? it’s easier than running another half-marathon, or trying to do something that matter… and just marginally less pathetic than attempting to get in the world record books for the largest cat-hair macrame wall hanging…

    kyknoord – ignoble goals tend to follow one throughout life. noble ones are much more… inert (?)

    kono – yes! a quest! there was one drunken motherfucker gentleman from a distant pub location who accomplished the feat in NINE DAYS. we were simultaneously annoyed and impressed. he won a trip for two to Europe. hope he spontaneously combusted before he got on the damn plane…

    uncle keith – it’s official. you are the father my son was supposed to have. his goal is to have a midget and a clown follow him around as he does the bar-hopping next year on his 21st birthday. and if the midget will wear a cowboy suit? a dream come true….

  6. Pingback: Next Station: Hell « Trailer Park Refugee

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