Honest (S)crap

It’s been a challenging few weeks, here in my little corner of the trailer park.  Lots of things i need to hoark up, but the blocks of time available have been short and infrequent for proper cogitation and hoarkage… 

As my writing brain went into ‘local lock out’ mode,  i was tickled to be given an “Honest Scrap” award from silverstar.  It hails from places unknown, as healingmagichands found when she tried to backtrack the origins. 

As is always the case, with privilege and recognition comes responsibility.  There are two things i must do:

1) Tag people.  i’m not big on taggants, so i’ll just toss out a challenge – “Hey.  You lurkers out there.  C’mon, you know who you are…  either blog it on your supersecret blog, or de-lurk and post something about yourself in the comments.  i know you’re out there.  Or there are about 10 people who visit my blog – a lot.

2) List 10 interesting – and little known – nuggets about myself.  Well.  Let’s just rename the award “Honest Crap”, shall we?

1.  i have monkey toes.  It’s genetic.  i got them from my father.  His “index” toe was as long as my finger.  Mom bitched a blue streak about “keeping that man in socks”.  How to use this gift?  i can pick up coins with my feet.  Won some bar bets that way…

2.  Sadly, it wasn’t even on a dare –  i have licked a Ferrari…

3.  In my professional travels, i hang with a group of middle-aged gentlemen – “The Dawg Boyz”.  We are known for raucous behavior at whatever conference we are attending.  This, on occasion, involves adult entertainment establishments.  Amongst these wizened and preternaturally horny old goats, i am known as “#1” for my bulletproof track record of finding the best club in any city – domestic or international*.

4.  In 2001**, i lost most of my hair.  That sucked.  Due to a reaction to medication, my hair fell out in clumps.  While not completely bald, my hair was so thin i was forced to pull it into a small knot on the back of my head to cover my scalp.  My secretary saved the day – finding me crying at my desk, weeping into another wad of my former hair that had just come out in my hands.  She said “Get your purse, we’re going out to buy you some fucking hair”.  She dragged me to a kiosk at the local mall that sold “Snap-On Hair”.  Who knew? 

5.  Growing up i was a big-ass chicken.  The last kid to try the rope swing, the only one who never to climbed to the top of the tree fort, the one too afraid sneak into Tammy’s storage shed to look at her dad’s old porn collection…

6.  Voted “Most Likely To Be Found Dead In A Gutter” in the unofficial high school poll.  It was a small sampling, i believe, but those who voted for me were paying attention…

7.   It doesn’t phase me in the least to speak in public.  The “fear of embarrassing myself” plague passed me by.  However, i will sweat like a piggie if i might embarrass someone else…  Like, my boss.  Or co-workers who are counting on me. 

8.  Despite my apparent daredevil ways, i have a paralyzing fear of heights.  A friend, training for a run through the Grand Canyon***, talked me into climbing Camelback Mountain (Phoenix).  Rather than hold him back (he was running up, down, and then back, as part of his training), i suggested we split up.  He ran ahead, and i plodded along.  About halfway up, i hit a stretch of boulders – near a sharp drop off – and i froze.  i was there for perhaps 30 minutes – many people stopped to offer help, but i said “oh, i’m fine – just enjoying the view”.   Finally was able to scoot on my ass back down until i got back to the path… 

9.  Nothing specific, but i don’t like babies.  Pictures of babies are cute, but until a human being is walking, thinking, talking and able to manage bodily functions unassisted?  i’ll pass.  “Would you like to hold the baby, daisyfae?”  “No… not really…”

10.  i tried to come up with 10 things people might find interesting about me.  Every item on this list represents something about me that either annoyed my ex-husband, or that he found blatantly uninteresting…  He’s a good guy, but for the life of me, i can’t remember anything he liked about me… i’m pretty sure we’re both better off apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* It is still the subject of heated debate who was responsible for getting us trapped in a Turkish brothel disguised as a dance club, located in Lyon, France.  i am still blaming the taxi driver, but others are convinced i was responsible… 

** That was the same year my weight topped out at about 250 pounds.  i was one damn fine sexy round bald woman…. 

*** To celebrate his 49th birthday, this dork ran from the south rim, to the north rim, and back.  52 miles – down a mile in elevation, up a mile and a quarter, and then back.  Did it in something like 18 hours – only took that long because he pulled a hamstring on the way back.