Honest (S)crap

It’s been a challenging few weeks, here in my little corner of the trailer park.  Lots of things i need to hoark up, but the blocks of time available have been short and infrequent for proper cogitation and hoarkage… 

As my writing brain went into ‘local lock out’ mode,  i was tickled to be given an “Honest Scrap” award from silverstar.  It hails from places unknown, as healingmagichands found when she tried to backtrack the origins. 

As is always the case, with privilege and recognition comes responsibility.  There are two things i must do:

1) Tag people.  i’m not big on taggants, so i’ll just toss out a challenge – “Hey.  You lurkers out there.  C’mon, you know who you are…  either blog it on your supersecret blog, or de-lurk and post something about yourself in the comments.  i know you’re out there.  Or there are about 10 people who visit my blog – a lot.

2) List 10 interesting – and little known – nuggets about myself.  Well.  Let’s just rename the award “Honest Crap”, shall we?

1.  i have monkey toes.  It’s genetic.  i got them from my father.  His “index” toe was as long as my finger.  Mom bitched a blue streak about “keeping that man in socks”.  How to use this gift?  i can pick up coins with my feet.  Won some bar bets that way…

2.  Sadly, it wasn’t even on a dare –  i have licked a Ferrari

3.  In my professional travels, i hang with a group of middle-aged gentlemen – “The Dawg Boyz”.  We are known for raucous behavior at whatever conference we are attending.  This, on occasion, involves adult entertainment establishments.  Amongst these wizened and preternaturally horny old goats, i am known as “#1” for my bulletproof track record of finding the best club in any city – domestic or international*.

4.  In 2001**, i lost most of my hair.  That sucked.  Due to a reaction to medication, my hair fell out in clumps.  While not completely bald, my hair was so thin i was forced to pull it into a small knot on the back of my head to cover my scalp.  My secretary saved the day – finding me crying at my desk, weeping into another wad of my former hair that had just come out in my hands.  She said “Get your purse, we’re going out to buy you some fucking hair”.  She dragged me to a kiosk at the local mall that sold “Snap-On Hair”.  Who knew? 

5.  Growing up i was a big-ass chicken.  The last kid to try the rope swing, the only one who never to climbed to the top of the tree fort, the one too afraid sneak into Tammy’s storage shed to look at her dad’s old porn collection…

6.  Voted “Most Likely To Be Found Dead In A Gutter” in the unofficial high school poll.  It was a small sampling, i believe, but those who voted for me were paying attention…

7.   It doesn’t phase me in the least to speak in public.  The “fear of embarrassing myself” plague passed me by.  However, i will sweat like a piggie if i might embarrass someone else…  Like, my boss.  Or co-workers who are counting on me. 

8.  Despite my apparent daredevil ways, i have a paralyzing fear of heights.  A friend, training for a run through the Grand Canyon***, talked me into climbing Camelback Mountain (Phoenix).  Rather than hold him back (he was running up, down, and then back, as part of his training), i suggested we split up.  He ran ahead, and i plodded along.  About halfway up, i hit a stretch of boulders – near a sharp drop off – and i froze.  i was there for perhaps 30 minutes – many people stopped to offer help, but i said “oh, i’m fine – just enjoying the view”.   Finally was able to scoot on my ass back down until i got back to the path… 

9.  Nothing specific, but i don’t like babies.  Pictures of babies are cute, but until a human being is walking, thinking, talking and able to manage bodily functions unassisted?  i’ll pass.  “Would you like to hold the baby, daisyfae?”  “No… not really…”

10.  i tried to come up with 10 things people might find interesting about me.  Every item on this list represents something about me that either annoyed my ex-husband, or that he found blatantly uninteresting…  He’s a good guy, but for the life of me, i can’t remember anything he liked about me… i’m pretty sure we’re both better off apart.


* It is still the subject of heated debate who was responsible for getting us trapped in a Turkish brothel disguised as a dance club, located in Lyon, France.  i am still blaming the taxi driver, but others are convinced i was responsible… 

** That was the same year my weight topped out at about 250 pounds.  i was one damn fine sexy round bald woman…. 

*** To celebrate his 49th birthday, this dork ran from the south rim, to the north rim, and back.  52 miles – down a mile in elevation, up a mile and a quarter, and then back.  Did it in something like 18 hours – only took that long because he pulled a hamstring on the way back.

Seven Random Things

Recovering from a rather gnarly hangover entertaining weekend… and am still doing the “post-game analysis” on everything that happened…  Was tagged by the delightful heartbreaktown with a “Seven Random Things” meme.  Although i generally don’t do them, i’m so excited for her as she joyfully counts down the three remaining days until her fortieth birthday, i’m in!  Be sure to pop over there and wish her a happy birthday!

Consider it ‘self-tagging’ – play along if ya wanna…

1.  i have “monkey toes”.  Very long, strong toes – capable of picking up objects from the floor.  Can even retrieve a quarter from medium pile carpet.  Have won money from people who are stupid enough to bet against me…

2.  Given the choice between an exceptional creme brulee, tiramisu or a decadent gourmet dessert and a package of ShockTarts?  i’ll take the ShockTarts every time.  Arrested taste bud development has left me with a powerful addiction to kiddie candy.

Sour enough to pucker your head

Sour enough to pucker your head

3.  As an 11 year old girl, my family took a vacation to the Huntsville, AL “Space Center”, and we were able to tour the Space Shuttle (a full-scale mock up in the facility).  i complained vehemently to our guide that the Space Shuttle only had urinals for men.  It had never occurred to me that women couldn’t be astronauts, even though (in 1973) it had never happened.  One of the primary reasons i pursued engineering as a career field was the Apollo Space program… Mom and Dad woke us up on July 20th, 1969, to watch Neil Armstrong allegedly walk on the moon.  i was 7 years old.  It changed my life.

4.  i sleep with the TV on.  This goes back to 7th grade, when my brother gave me a teeny-tiny black and white set he’d built from scrap parts…

5.  As a junior in high school (in 1979), i was recruited by West Point (US Military Academy).  Women were just being allowed into the military service academies – hard to believe it was only 30 years ago – and they were desperate to find women who could hack the academics and physical rigor.  When the recruiter came to my school to meet me, he took one look at me (large and lumpy – a complete hippie-chick) and kept the “recruitment visit” to about 5 minutes.  Probably wouldn’t have worked out well, anyway… i was a bit of a socialist then.

All hands on deck, baybeee!

All hands on deck!

6.  Childhood nickname:  Pippi.  Mom still tosses it out there sometimes…

7.  i am more comfortable in front of an audience than i should be….  Whether it’s on stage with guitar, performing with the local thespian troupe, or giving presentations to geek audiences as part of my job, i find it calming and comfortable.  Get this sort of zen-like trance thing going on before making my “entrance”.  For most normal humans, i believe this is considered a nightmare.  Guess i’m an exhibitionist….

Seven things…

It’s my first night home, lounging in my pajamas and doing nothing, in about three weeks.  Including weekends.  This is the downside of the theater hobby, combined with a pesky day job and the occasional family obligation.

In an attempt to use the time for something fun, i decided to conjure a thoughtful post.  Ummm.  Nope.  Nothing… not a twinkle of a creative thought.   Searching for inspiration from my reading list, i found cat’s voluntary meme.   Hmmm…. List seven things I approve of… seemed pretty straightforward.  Feel free to do the same – i’m not the ‘tagging’ type.

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