Hearts afire

He wasn’t actually my “high school boyfriend” – i wasn’t the “girlfriend” type*.  We went out a few times during my senior year, and spent some time together that summer before he left for the Army.  We continued to see each other my freshman year in college – with him visiting on weekends when he had passes, and wheels, to allow him to drive the six hours to my university.
It didn’t end particularly well.  Turns out, he’d spend a weekend with me, and then scoot off to spend a couple days with my ex-roommate, Cheri.  Shortly thereafter, we had a rather nasty break up.  Within a few weeks, i met (and moved in with) my husband.  i lost touch with him for almost 30 years.
We tripped over each other a few years back, and were able to have a pleasant dinner together, catching up on the decades that had flown by in the blink of an eye. 
Army Ranger:  I’ve thought of you so many times over the years.  I was awful, and you were so sweet to me.  Remember how you wrote me letters every day when I was in boot camp?  Those letters meant the world to me.  I’m really sorry I treated you so badly. 
daisyfae:  i’ve thought of you through the years, too.  Remember that night i busted you with Cheri?  When i walked three miles to her apartment, carrying that big bag full of all the shit you’d ever given me?  How i threw it in the back of your truck and walked home?  i’m really sorry i didn’t set it on fire first. 
Last week, while visiting the Trailer Park, he saw me at Mom’s while working his shift with the county water department.  i got a note from him on my facebook page, followed by an invitation to get together for dinner again… 
The last dinner was so much fun, i think i’m going to have to accept.  My choice of restaurant this time – a little dive called “Fat Chick’s Revenge”.


* Some things never change…


20 thoughts on “Hearts afire

  1. There are a few girls I wish I could see again and beg their forgiveness. Do you know how I use to break up when I was in my 20s? I would simply stop calling. I didn’t want the confrontation so I would just turn my back and go away. What a coward. I’m sorry, girls. At least the girls who dumped me had the decency to tell me to my face.

    • oh dear UB, what a callow callous youth. You’ve grown up now, no need to beat yourself up about it. but remember to tell your daughters what to expect when they start dating….

  2. i’ve been married longer than i was single, so as far as breakups go, i got nuttin! xoxoxox (i am still chuckling over y’alls resto choice and renal failure’s comment!)

  3. An old boyfriend asked me once ( as he hid in the closest from his wife) if he was the reason I quit going to church. I told his sorry pastoral ass, yep, YOU are the VERY reason I have not affiliation with any sort of church AT ALL. I would so love to tell his youth group that story.

  4. I’m friends with almost all my ex’s despite some nasty breakups. I think it’s a bit weird. I wish I had your flair for arson and revenge …

  5. facebook. Haven’t quite decided yet if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Before facebook the shit we’d left behind us would have just stayed there. Now, thanks to facebook, it seems that some things just won’t stay buried.

  6. unbearable banishment – i take the offensive position on that one. i tell gentlemen friends “i will be the easiest woman to dump you’ve ever encountered. just don’t call me for a week. poof. you’ll never hear from me again…”. Has only happened once in my current incarnation. he either wants to see me or he doesn’t. if he doesn’t? fuck it. onward.

    nursemyra – you’ve hit on UB’s ‘karma komeback’ issue. when his daughters encounter a man like that? he’ll be punished harder than he can ever punish himself…

    renalfailure – there were others i regret more…

    s.le – oh, i’ve forgiven. he was 21 and chasing tail was his game. he never promised ‘exclusive’, so i knew he was a man-whore. forgotten? never…

    jenny – after he enlisted in the army, he began the process of dating every woman he knew in town. taking us all to the same restaurant, the same movie complex, night after night. my friends – who knew that he and i had been swapping body fluids for a few months – would call me and tell me “TJH asked me out. Wanted you to know.” i said “GO! Have fun! Order expensive food!” And yes, we are ALL a little bit in love with RF…

    savannah – i’m probably better at break ups than i was at married. in fact, i pre-negotiate the ending of a relationship before i start. in recent years, i’ve done pretty well with that… keeping friendships with the ‘good’ ones, and letting the less interesting folk wander back to their caves…

    carla – he called you from the closet? trying to save your soul, or trying to rescue his conscience? wanker… almost worth putting an ad in the church bulletin about him!

    tNb – this guy turned out ok. the reason we re-connected? he’d been elected mayor of the little village where i went to high school. he’s been a single parent, raised 4 kids (even the one conceived with a woman he was seeing WHILE he was seeing me when i was in college). heart is good, but trailer parks got long arms… i won’t date him again, but i can say we’re friends… and people who remember how he treated me wonder how the hell i can still talk to him…

    rob – facebook is a conundrum for me as well. i have backed away from it a bit – trying to keep it in the realm of “non-controversial” and goofy. doesn’t always work. i’ve truly enjoyed finding some people out there, but others? rankle and scrape my nerves… sometimes buried is good.

    • Ha! Reminds me of a little ditty we used to sing before going to the bar: “Here’s to the men we love, here’s to the men who love us. If the men we love don’t love us, then fuck the men – here’s to us!”

  7. Glad you forgave him. Having been that guy more than once, I imagine he is still carrying guilt, which translates to all sorts of favors. You could probably get him to set fire to someone else’s stuff.

  8. I’m friends with my exes too. There was one who cheated on me bigtime, though, and though I am “friends” with him, I never see him. Don’t want to. If I did see him, some pangs of love, loss, betrayal would still be there. Some loves you just don’t forget, despite how much they hurt you. Doesn’t mean I’d submit to it again–guy’s a sex addict and you carry that around wherever you go. That’s his cross to bear.

    Karma watches out for me.

  9. tNb – love that ditty! will be making up my own tune for it. one of my gentlemen friends says he appreciated my direct approach during out negotiations, which amounted to “fuck or fuck off”…

    chris – of course i forgave him. “let she who is without sin cast the first stone”. favor-wise? he’s the mayor again, and still knows LOTS of folks. i can call that in if i need it…

    fragrant liar – the ol’ army guy was one of my first loves… looking back i have to say “what the fuck was i thinking”, but i loved him. i like to say that i have a soft spot in my heart, and head, for some of these gentlemen…

  10. I have made and received some of these apologies for past bad behaviour. I like to remain friends if at all possible but after many years I have realised that sometimes some people are just not good for eachother and probably never will be in any capacity. I guess that’s what is meant by ‘irreconcilable differences’.

  11. stephanie – yours to use and abuse! it’s a stock response with me…

    syncopated eyeball – there are a few cases where it hasn’t been possible, but for the most part, i like to stay on friendly terms… not exactly ‘best buddies’ with them, just maintaining situational awareness. prevent surprises and all that…

  12. rassles – fire is better. more satisfying than even the feeling of nose cartilege snapping, followed by a howl and a squirt of blood. not that i’ve done either, mind you…

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