Roadkill

“The dog was chasing a squirrel and knocked me over…”

“Had to dive into a ditch as one of my elderly neighbors came careening around the corner in his Oldsmobuick Roadbastard…”

“Flashback to the war… No idea where the feeling came from, but i felt compelled to hit the dirt.”

Oh, it would be nice if i could use any of these as an excuse.  The reality is far more embarrassing.

“i tripped over my own right foot while walking my dog.”

i had to explain the creeping bloodstain on the leg of my khaki trousers this morning when i got to work.  Limping, of course.

It was just yesterday that i noted my knee was feeling good.  No residual pain from the basketball injury.  Hitting the gym very regularly, and back on my bicycle due to the early Spring weather, i have been feeling almost unbroken for the past two weeks.

Oops.

Just bruised.  Probably not serious damage.  But bleeding.  Since i was already at work,  i decided to try to wash away the bloodstains on my knee.  Mostly because everyone who saw me offered to go back to their office and try to locate their “Tide” stick*.  One helpful colleague offered me a squeeze bottle of carpet cleaner.

Clean up failed.  Leaving the restroom, my pants leg was blood-stained AND soaking wet.  A fashion statement that screams “Sexy AND professional”.

Once i got the bleeding stopped, and eventually got most of the body fluids out of my clothing, i realized it could have been much worse.

My dog had not yet unleashed his fecal missiles when i hit the pavement.  i’d braced myself during the fall with my right hand — which was NOT loaded with a plastic bag full of dog poo.  And my wrist didn’t snap.  Also a good thing.

What did my loyal canine life partner do when i unexpectedly dropped to ground level during our morning walk?  Wagged his tail, came over and licked my head!  He thought i was playing.

The true beauty of this animal is that his favorite thing is whatever he happens to be doing at the moment.  As charming as this is, it also makes him pretty useless in a crisis.  i should probably reconsider that alarm system…

* Proctor and Gamble corporation makes one of the coolest damn things ever.  “Tide Sticks” are instant stain removers.  Useful for food and beverage spills.  Blood?  Not so much…. Unless they now make a version for serial killers.