Spent some time with The Boy this weekend. He came home to verify that i had, in fact, installed the prodigal pool table light. And to kick my ass at 8-ball.
As we talked shit, i told him of a recent string of “home invasion” robberies. Assholes break down the doors of elderly folks while they are home, pillage belongings, and then take the unnecessary and mega-assholic step of knocking the crap out of the elderly folks they are pillaging.
The Boy: You might want to think about getting a security system here.
daisyfae: i’ve got one. The bat under my bed, and the 12″ blade in the nightstand. Good enough.
The Boy: I’m just saying, you may be underestimating crackheads. And you said they’re targeting the elderly.
daisyfae: i’m not that old!
The Boy: No, but you live here in “God’s Waiting Room”, where the average age is pretty high…
daisyfae: i’m just not afraid. If some asshole comes into my bedroom, there is nothing i’d find more satisfying than crackin’ him upside the head with a bat! i can even hear the sound it would make! He’d never expect it – and never see it coming!
The Boy: But what if you don’t knock him out after one hit? Can you imagine how pissed off a crackhead is going to be if he gets popped with a bat?
daisyfae: One hit? Who said i was going to stop at one? As soon as the motherfucker goes down, i’d keep wailing on him… And the NRA could go fuck itself! i don’t need a gun for home defense! How would they like when the media starts pimping the news that a 50-year old woman defended herself against a crackhead with a wooden baseball bat? What would that do to handgun sales?
The Boy: I’m thinkin’ I should buy you a shotgun for Christmas…
image found here