Truly frightening

What’s not to like about Halloween?  You get to dress up, and pretend to be someone (or something) you’re not.  Little critters come to your door displaying full-spectrum adorability*.  You don’t have to spend time with family, buy presents or cook things.  Oh, and there’s chocolate!

Me?  i dress up.  From the year of the Elvii**, to Xena to Marge Simpson, i’m a big fan of costuming for the holiday.  This year, a great Friday night party option dropped at my feet… Let the games begin!  Swiping the idea from the “barney huntress” from a few years back, i dragged my “partner in costume crime” to every thrift store in the city.

Successfully capturing our quarry – as many stuffed Elmo’s and Cookie Monsters as we could carry – we spent last Saturday night in my dining room.  Listening to tunes and decapitating our prey.  Skinning stuffed animals for their pelts?  Strangely satisfying.  Lost in our task, it was after midnight when The Boy and three of his friends emerged from the billiards room downstairs… to encounter my friend wearing a baby blue fur loincloth at the top of the stairway.  And nothing else. 

cookie monster slayer: Hey.  How ya doin’?

The look on their faces was precious.  Well, The Boy didn’t flinch.  Been there.  Seen it all before… 

daisyfae:  What?  Your parents don’t do this shit?

Apparently not.  We went on to explain the costume concept – cookie monster in his loincloth and me wearing nothing more than a bra and a red fur sarong.  As the pack calmed down from their initial shock, i mentioned that we were, in fact, “Furries“***.  This was met with instantaneous shock and disgust by the one member of The Boy’s entourage who knew what i meant!

J:  Oh my GAWD!!!  That’s DISGUSTING!  I saw that on CSI

The final result?  Quite fetching, don’t you think?  My favorite aspect was the Elmo pelt hanging around my waist – complete with working “voicebox”.  When i bumped him, or accidently caught him in the car door?  The headless little bugger would still chatter excitedly – sometimes even vibrating enthusiastically!

Elmo: That Tickles!  Toss Elmo!

Right.  “Toss Elmo into the Fire” is more like it….

Be Afraid.  Be Very Afraid...

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid...

 More pics at the flickr site

* This was the first year i had ZERO trick-or-treaters on Beggars’ Night.  Sad.  i used to live for this – sitting on the porch, in costume, with a basket of full-sized candy bars for the kiddies.  And a small cooler of chilled beer for the parents… Even dressed up the damn dog.  Carved punkins like a madwoman. (sigh).  i moved to Oldsville this year.  No one drops their kids off to run the neighborhood at Geriatric Condo Central.  Fuck.  i may have to crash in with friends next year…

** The last year the kids let me dress them for Halloween, we were the Three Elvii – Big Elvis, Medium-Sized Elvis and The Littlest Elvis.  i made three matching white satin jumpsuits, with capes and sequins. We were quite the hit on Beggar’s Night!  Teaching your 4 year old son to say “Thank you.  Thankyouverymuch”  – complete with “lip twitch” – after receiving candy?  Perhaps reason enough that he’ll never let you costume him again…

*** Technically, we decided we were “Plushies”, rather than “Furries”, since Elmo and Cookie Monster are stuffed creatures, rather than cute anthropomorphic woodland critters.

22 thoughts on “Truly frightening

  1. WHAHAHAHAhahahahaHAHAHAHa….I am *so* impressed, on so many levels. And the money I would give to have seen the look on the Boy posse’s faces…classic, classic, classic!

  2. nm – you’d have certainly livened up the party! it was a blast! it would be fun to do stereo costumes with you… maybe next year? by remote?

    don – my partner in costume crime had suggested we “X”-out the eyes (either with marker or electrical tape) and it just slipped my mind… but i never get rid of a good costume, so that will be in reserve!

    unbearable banishment – just leaned against an unsuspecting party goer and said “See? ‘I’ve Lost My Head Elmo’ likes you!” Why? What were you thinking?

    imeantno – Damn, damn, damn! That would have been the icing on the Elmo cake! “Toss Elmo’s Salad!”, “Elmo likes little boys” and “You’re lookin’ mighty fine there, sister” are just a few phrases that would need to be poked up Elmo’s furry ass… Next year?

    don – USB Enema? That’ll get ya going… Google this…

    kyknoord – Elmo has frequent flier miles. Elmo knows where you sleep…

    silverstar – i think that’s a bit of “stage daisyfae”. if you check the flickr site, with the ‘super demented’ pic? one of my favorite stage tricks is to cross one eye – and i can do it so it’s visible from the audience. works great on dates with gents i’m tired of dating, too!

    dolce – unfortunately i didn’t see the initial reaction, but it stopped them halfway up the stairs… and these are some crispy, crunchy kids! Cookie Slayer said that they had “Elmo Bug Eyes”… there simply aren’t enough therapists to uncork my children.

  3. If you walked into my living room dressed like that, you would permanently damage a 2-Year Old and a 7-Year Old. That’s the beauty of those costumes!

    All of the trick-or-treaters came to our house during the daytime hours. Town curfew was 7:00 p.m. Isn’t that sad? When I was a kid we didn’t go OUT until it got dark.

  4. unbearable banishment – i was careful to ask if there might be children at the party, and planned to show up late if there were. fortunately, only adults acting like children… and yes, the damn fear-mongering bible-thumpers have destroyed one of the best nights of childhood. bastards…

    uncle keith – and i’m leaving the Elmo head on a post in my front garden, as a warning to the others… There Be Muppet Eating Monsters Here!

    beth – the only reason the boots/bra matched is because i didn’t have a chance to hang the red fur strips over the boots. from now on i’ll claim it was on purpose….

    umdalum – i can, but it’ll cost you extra! see you wednesday!

  5. I already have a sense that its going to cost me plenty…..

    I have a message into UK – we shall see if he is going to join us.

  6. umdalum – sorry the pesky work bullshit got in the way of drinking with you and UK. i’ll keep trying – travel gods willing!

    alex – watch for it on the runway next fall… i’m quite the fashion maven, you know!

    BLT – i had cleverly removed Elmo’s batteries prior to whacking his bug-eyed little heads off with scissors. i didn’t hear a thing. well, i wasn’t really listening. i think he’s responsible for much of the “unearned self-esteem overdrive” that has corrupted the 4-year old set in our fine nation. he deserved it. cute just doesn’t cut it. ask Ms. Palin.

  7. That’s a great costume! You guys look terrific (and pretty frickin tan for midwesterners)! I had fun this Halloween, too–dragged out Cruella de Vil (one good thing about moving is that you get to recycle your Halloween costumes).

  8. Stank-a-roni – i’d just been to south america, ya know! we could also swap halloween costumes – when we both ‘hit the wall’… i’ll ship Xena, Zorro, Marge Simpson, Elvis and the Muppet Slayer, if you send me that little yellow go-go dress and boots!

  9. rob – none! this was an adult party (i checked in advance to make sure no children would be there). we did do the requisite stop in the grocery store on the way to the party – i mean, what fun is a costume if you can’t trot it out for the general public. there were some youngish kids, but we hid in the aisles until they were out of sight….i would have felt bad if we’d traumatized a little critter.

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