“Hell No! We Won’t Ho!”


In a shameless attempt to get women to attend a party wearing as little as possible, a friend is hosting a birthday party this weekend with a “Pimp and Ho” theme. These folks are known to have themed parties, so it’s not a complete surprise. When i asked “what’s the motivation”, the birthday boy simply said “boobies”. Well, at least he’s honest about it.

But honesty notwithstanding, it sort of bugged me. Yes, it would be a fine opportunity for me to unleash the Model Year 2007 Bionic Twins in some fine girl hardware… And it is his birthday. Being a guy and all, that would pretty much prevent the need to bring a gift – he’d never notice the empty hands.

Initially, i thought i’d be attending with a friend. We considered a classic ‘role-reversal’ in our costumes – him wearing the leather corset, me wearing the classic pimp attire. For even more fun, we debated going as a pair of “Ho Ho’s“. Tasty, chocolately fun…

My friend couldn’t make it, unfortunately, and i was back to going solo.  It occurred to me that there was in fact nothing wrong with that idea. I’ve long been a flaming supporter of ‘sex-workers rights’ – for example, i’m always pissed off that the only people doing actual WORK at a strip club are the dancers, while everyone from the DJ to the guys who park the damn cars get a cut of the take. 


Yes, it’s time to unionize! I’m trading in my leather corset for coveralls and bumper stickers! To have some fun with it, i’ve prepared buttons, posters and assorted swag encouraging the ladies to take charge of their own assets.

Ha!  Bet he’ll think twice before inviting me to another one of his parties again…. Hmmm… he’s quite the talented gourmet chef… maybe i should rethink this strategy?


forgive the amateurish graphics and layout here… still learning.  there’s a reason i don’t do this for a living!


15 thoughts on ““Hell No! We Won’t Ho!”

  1. I love “Don’t Blow These Guys! Unionize!”

    Too bad your friend couldn’t make it to the party. I’d have liked to see some
    photos of your Ho Ho act.

    Go with the bumper stickers! For an added touch, perhaps you could glue tasseled pasties to your coveralls.

  2. Or bring a blow-up doll as your date… but actually, bringing the garden implement would be funnier.

    You could always wear the corset underneath the coveralls in case the joke, um, falls flat.

  3. Mark – Pasties! GREAT idea! I made some keychains out of the logos, and could easily turn one into a stick on ‘tassle’. But, alas, i don’t think i can get them swinging in opposite directions the way the true professionals do…

    kyknoord – like the idea of bringing a 2000 year old roman hoe as my date, and trying to sell services… “this baby has staying power, if ya know what i mean…”

    cheap thrills – welcome to The Park! And thank you for giving me my ‘word of the day’. It will be my goal to work “spanktabulous’ into a sentence. Preferably in front of my boss…

    az – oh, now we’re onto something. an inflatable ‘hoe’? that’s brilliant! and yes, there’s likely to be something festive under the coveralls (sorry kids)…

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