Will the real terrorist please stand up?

A few years back, as the ‘terror level’ of the people of the U.S. started to subside, Attorney General Ashcroft apparently decided that it had to be kicked back up a notch.  Bam!  Threat Level Orange!

In a now famous attempt to kick-start the fear factor going into a mid-term election, Mr. Ashcroft encouraged all Americans to be prepared for a chemical attack, by keeping duct tape and sheets of plastic on hand.

My Mom, knowing that i dabble in technology and stay current on such things, asked me if it would be a good idea for her to keep supplies on hand, ‘just in case’…

“Mom.  First i want you to do three things.  If you do these three things, then we can talk about the need for duct tape and plastic.”

    “Stop smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day.  I know you’ve done it for almost 65 years, and other than the congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and persistent cough, it hasn’t hurt you a bit… and yes, we think the tar is holding some of your internal organs in place.  Still, it’s a significant risk factor in your life.

     “Wear your seatbelt every time you ride in a car.  Especially when you are driving.  While smoking…

      “Stop eating a bacon sandwich, with a side of sausage and gravy shots, for breakfast.  Oh, and try to get out and walk just a little bit every day.

      “These are the three things that are most likely to kill you.  You are also more likely to die at the hands of an axe-wielding mime than to suffer the effects of a chemical attack, so the fourth item on the list might be mime-repellant.”


10 thoughts on “Will the real terrorist please stand up?

  1. has that mime been by you as well? that crazy mofo scares the shit out of me…on the serious side, how can you fill your poor mom with common sense? have you no patriotic fervor? no jingoistic blood in your veins? no xenophobic bone in your body…? at long last daisyfae, have you no common decency?

  2. tony – yes, i’m unpatriotic. unwilling to support fear-mongering in the name of national security. and be careful of that mime… he looks a little like Cheney, don’t ya think?

  3. tony – cheney is easy to stash. he doesn’t need food and water. just batteries.

    uw – absolutely! that stuff is the devil… worse than mimes, it is.

    bob – type a little louder, dear… the men in black didn’t hear that!

  4. You could move out of the Park if you market mime repellent. I’ll order a bushell right now – I hate those sneaky, silent, invisible suitcase carrying bastards…

    Hi btw. x

  5. penfold – it was a hard decision. i could have used ‘axe-wielding mimes’, ‘axe-wielding clowns’ or ‘axe wielding members of the Bush Adminisration’. I put them all in the same category, as they creep me out, and send cold chills down my spine.

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