Patient: Doctor, Doctor! It hurts when I do this [raising arm]
Doctor: Then don’t do that.
And on a completely unrelated note…
Please refrain from whining incessantly about troubles you bring upon yourself. Not only does it make you look like an imbecile, but it annoys the fuck out of the rest of us…
The Only Consistent Feature of All of Your Dissatisfying Relationships is You
Thank you.
i’ll go back to the futile search for my estranged estrogen now….
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[throws defensive chocolate]
someone piss in your cornflakes this morning? or maybe dropped a house on your sister?
yeah, i foolishly like to live dangerously.
[throws more chocolate]
Gnu, thanks for the laugh! That’s a good one. The chocolate you’re throwing better be bourbon bon-bons. It’s two sedatives in one!
gnu – you best be right quick there. fella…. and as Cram said below, BRING ON THE SNICKERS! None of those fucking stale tootsie rolls!
unbearable – he’s good with the ladies. has the scars to prove it!
Personally I put it down to lack of Halloween candy leftovers at the office. Somebody ate all the good stuff at our place and I was forced to make do with tiny little Mars bars. Yuck. Eating ten of them did NOT make up for them not being Snickers.
My favorite doctor joke: Me: Doc, I broke my arm in two places. Doc: then stay out of those places. wah wah wahhhhhhh.
My favourite bad doctor joke is the 16 year old girl who went to the doctor with a sore throat. He put a stethoscope to her chest and “Big breaths”
She answered “Yeth I know”
Ok, I’ll go quietly….
Cram – very funny! i may be texting you today to hunt for scraps! this is UNACCEPTABLE!
nursemyra – *snicker* cute! hadn’t heard it, but saw
themit coming a mile away!Interesting visual metaphor there: a ch-ch-chain of fools. Hooray for unrelatedness.
it never ceases to amaze me how folks can – in particular – complain about how busy they are, and yet continue to take on more stuff. i sit and look. and blink. and say “wow”…. but when the estrogen tanks? i lose patience…
The picture of the pissed-off bar maid on your holiday was much more scary. <i"(follows gnukid and ducks behind him as does not have chocolate)
excellent point! they were ragging her about the speed at which she was preparing drinks. good thing i was flush with hormones that day….
I gave the fabulous Mr. Kyknood a Despair calendar while I was on his home turf.
How is he? Yeah, right, despairing!
alonewithcats – PERFECT! sharing despair with the prince of darkness? a stroke of evil genius!
dinah – he is missed. the world is substantially less snarky without him…
someone should send him a bouquet and see if he appreciates the irony.
And one of my mantras (I change to suit the wind) is ‘give us this day our daily whinge’. Does this mean I am off your xmas card list before I got there?
a daily whinge is not a bad thing! it serves as a healthy vent, and allows the release of pressure! i do it on a regular basis… even complaining on occasion about the things i do myself. this is more about the endless complaints about the same things… my extended family members are masters at this particular tradecraft, and i’ve even tried to point out the obvious – ie: “Don’t do that!” – but am met with blank stares…
Overall, unless you have anything really pressing to do, I’d stay in bed today if I were you.
i was going to defuse a bomb after my morning meeting, and take a turn at ending a rather touchy hostage situation at the office…. perhaps you are right. it can wait.
I’m pretty sure that there is a vending machine somewhere in your building that has full sized snickers bars…
it’s just not the same. i want the sugary-buzzy-sweeTart thingies! free! in giant bowls, bags and buckets!
I used to have that Dysfunction poster hanging in my cubicle in my old job. When I get a new job with a big enough cubicle, it’s going back up.
i have multiple ‘despair.com’ products in my office. the “Cluelessness” note cube. the “Adversity” desk topper. and of course the “Sacrifice” pawn… hoping you get that big cube soon…
Drop your purse, hike up your skirt and just get on with it!
That’s my usual reply to the whiners.
a fine reply. i’m a wee bit better today. helps that it’s friday…
Good timing. I just read an email from a friend who writes:
… In Cairo I had the continuous service of a particular cab driver, Mohammed. (Everyone in Cairo is Mohammed)
Discussing a dust-up with my hotel over the airconditioning, I said to him , “Oh. I was only whinging.”
“”Whinging?,” he asked, “What is whinging?” I explained. He rehearsed the word several times. “I like that word,” he said. “It’s just what I need to say to my wife.”…
i have grown to prefer “whinge” to “whine”… well, when I’M the one doing it, anyway. sounds less terrible…
Thanks for the evening chuckle and smile.
Somehow it makes my stress level drop when i realize my rants can entertain others… thanks for stopping by! glad to make you chuckle and smile!
Don’t bother looking for your estrogen. Let it make a clean getaway. It never had your best interests at heart, honey. The cool thing is once it’s gone and everything settles down, you’ll look weird, but you won’t care.
Hi Murr! Thanks for stopping by! Your comment made me LOL, and i usually don’t.
Reminds me of the really cool narcotic i was given while attempting to deliver my second child. It’s called Nubane. The nurse told me “It won’t make it stop hurting, you just won’t care.” And it was fabulous! My husband asked “Does it still hurt?” and i’d say “I don’t give a fuck!”
The perfect antidote for an otherwise solemn Sunday morning.
i’m better today. it’s 7pm and i haven’t stabbed anyone. a good day indeed!
I’m sorry. I will cease immediately.
it wasn’t directed your way, honey… but it was directed – shotgun style – at a bunch of other folks who stumble through my daily existence… and it did exactly nothing to change the situations…