Rock and Roll – Now With Ovaries!

One of the things ‘on my list’ is to find a band.  Not a serious band that is all “let’s practice until we’re good and make recordings and travel” and shit… But a band that wants to just play – with a few gigs here and there to force a teeny tiny bit of discipline into the enterprise.

Last fall, my organization was rumored to be getting a new Director.  This is the guy in charge of some thousand research and engineering dorks, so it’s a fairly high level position.  Word on the streets was that it would be WB – a known good manager, and studio quality guitarist. 

i’ve known of WB for years, and he’d heard of me – musicians tend to talk a lot of shit amongst themselves, so if someone plays, word gets out.  But we’d never had a chance to connect musically.

When we had the organizational Christmas party (i think it was last December…), it took all of a nanosecond for a colleague to convince me to join the ‘Lab Rat” band that was providing background music.  They were doing just fine, but didn’t have a vocalist, and were mostly playing Christmas music.

Dropped in, did some rock and roll with them, and dropped out.  Why?  i considered it my ‘audition’ for WB.  As could be expected, word got back to WB before he even occupied the front office.  He was on the lookout for me… His band plays out at a local bar for a happy hour gig on the first Friday of every month, so i was easily convinced to drop by after work last night to hear them play.

Sitting at a table near the stage by myself, i was instantaneously blown away by two facts:

1)  They were really good.  Probably “Out of my league” good.

2) They already have a woman in the band – vocalist playing keyboards.

Anyone who knows anything about bands knows the Laws of Band Dynamics. 

The First Law of Band Dynamics:  If you introduce a female member to an existing band of males, you will lose one of the original members within six months.

The Second Law of Band Dynamics:  If you introduce a second female member to an existing band that has incorporated a female member, you will completely destroy any chance of the band staying together.

My hopes of finally finding the right band were dashed, so i just sat back and enjoyed the gig.  Good stuff, but fantasies of fronting this particular band disintegrated. 

Joining me later in the evening were two other work colleagues – one of whom insisted on introducing me to WB after they were done.  He’s good, and personable, and i’m still finding it hard to believe he’s going to be “Large and In Charge” of the organization… 

We discussed music tastes, and my general disdain for ‘chick songs’, and he strongly suggested i drop in for a future practice.  Reminding him of the “Laws” – which he fully acknowledged as gospel – he still insisted that i drop in, and that the laws could be managed… 

So let the month of February begin, with the prospect of finally finding the right band of brothers, and a sister, to get my music-jones satiated…

Oh, and by the way?  The best way to overcome the Laws of Band Dynamics?  All chick band.  And if it’s an All Chick, Japanese Rockabillly trio?  Even better!

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41 thoughts on “Rock and Roll – Now With Ovaries!

  1. My favorite band Butt Trumpet was two dudes (the leader singer and drummer) and three chicks (guitars). Primitive Enema is still my favorite album, not bad for an album that came out 17 years ago.

    • Had to google ’em, and am enjoying what i’ve found! “I’m ugly and i don’t know why” is pretty freakin’ brilliant… truly alternative, as they busted the first and second laws of band dynamics!

      • Actually they might not have necessarily busted those laws of band dynamics because the guitar chicks left the band in the 90’s and made their own band Betty Blowtorch, and Butt Trumpet got a fresh new set of guitar chicks to replace them. But all that was more of the Butt Trumpet lead singer being a dickhead than issues with chicks.

    • it’s weird, but i’m pretty sure hard to avoid… i even told WB that i’m happy to sing back up/doo wop/harmony if he thinks she’s gonna get wonky, but he said ‘bring it’…. we’ll see…

      loved the ‘digital romance’ video, and it’s a very cool sound on the christmas bit! thank you very much for sharing the links! oh, and you are definitely rockin’ the “Elvis Costello” glasses in that video… should hook you up with my daughter!

  2. Having lived with a musician for 5 years, i am fully aware of “The Laws”.
    They should be obeyed.

    I wish you the best of luck in finding a “just for fun” band, because I believe that is law #3 of Band Dynamics:
    Either everyone is in it for fun, or everyone wants a record deal; there are no in betweens! lol

    • she’s either going to have to move, die, or acquire a jealous boyfriend if i’m going to have a shot at doing this. my suggestion to WB is to kinda pull something new together from the nerds at work – a bit of ‘teambuilding’ along with the music. agree with your assessment of ‘fun’ or ‘record deal’, too. these guys are too old to be still thinking ‘record deal’. that’s a bonus!

    • i’ve been able to sing/perform – but as a result, my guitar playing has lapsed to where i’m just ‘ok’. i used to be ‘good’. the band thing would force me to get back to ‘good’ – because i don’t want to just be a singer, i need to make some of the music… and it does seem to be true for classical ensembles. rock n roll is just…. well… rock n roll…

  3. One of our good friends is in a band that was started for a company Christmas party. He’s the only one who doesn’t work with the rest of them. They now play old-people rock at some of the best places in town.

    • “old people rock”. yep. that’s what this band does… and a PERFECT time slot — friday happy hour, once a month, so they don’t even have to stay up late! sent my ‘demo’ videos to the boss. fingers crossed that he bite on them, fires the other chick, and makes me a star, and helps me get that record deal…

  4. Love that video and I’m sure you’ll make a great band too. Thinking of lots of bands with>1 female – of course, they show that I am old; Dixie Chicks, Indigo Girls, Mamas and the Papas and Fleetwood Mac.

    • The first two are primarily ‘chick’ bands, so i think it works… they bring in musician-support, but they front the bands. Mamas and Papas and Fleetwood Mac? i don’t think the laws of band dynamics applied because they were all doing each other… not exactly any couples in there to be broken up… like one big musical ham sandwich…

    • one of the things WB likes about bringing new folks to practice is that they always bring new songs, new artists, and newer ‘stuff’… he said he’d like to try the Radiohead song that i do… fingers crossed still that he bites on my ‘demo videos’…

  5. All my mates where in bands when I was a lad….thing is I never wanted to be in a band….but did want to be the band manager….heh….always about the cash…

    • that is my hope… still waiting to hear back on whether WB wants me to drop in with the practice sessions… he’s a busy guy, but C’MON! LET ME KNOW, LET ME KNOW!

  6. I was in a band for a few years. We had five chicks and four dudes. Chicks and dudes. We were good. Really, really good. We won contests and free recording contracts.

    Then our guitarist said, “I’m thinking about going to law school.” and our violinist said, “oh yeah, me too.” and our resident instrument transient said, “I’m moving to Vermont to be a radio DJ.” And in one practice six members mentioned they were thinking about moving on to the Professional World, and just like that we weren’t a band anymore, and now we’re two lawyers, and accountant, a college professor…

    • they were temporary contracts, by the way. Two studios recorded and released two small albums for free. One was CRC, whose artists include: Smashing Pumpkins, R. Kelly, Megadeth, KMFDM, KISS, Jim Croce, Common, and Muddy Waters. We were fucking legit.

      I do not miss being in a band.

      • Grand tale! i think somewhere in life, everyone should be in a band… you had a real one, which is rare… and very damn cool!

        the shit part about being in a band is the ‘team’ thing… differing personalities, passion about the music, and the ever-present “artistic differences’. even in a shit band, it’s a headache…

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