Last week, i took a day off work to haul Mom in to see her magically delicious competent and caring cardiologist, Dr. M*. She’s looking marvelous, bright of eye, bushy of tail. She’s in great spirits, with blush in her cheeks and spring in her step.
Mom is doing well, too, considering it’s been two months since her bypass surgery.
After an echo-cardiogram to assess heart function, we reviewed the results with doc, and she declared Mom healthy and on the road to a bright tomorrow! Still a bit weak, but as long as Mom keeps up the daily walks, stays away from the smokes and continues to take care of herself, the doc will consider the bypass a complete success.
Mom was relieved – mostly that her heart isn’t going to fall out of her chest into her bacon and eggs** – and we left to run a few errands while i was in The Park. Off to the pharmacy, grocery store with a final stop at the bank.
Mom was insistent on meeting with the bank manager to verify that all of her deposits were fully insured to protect her from the looming catastrophic banking crisis that is perhaps only hours away. Trying to calm her down, i reminded her that the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) covers all assets up to $100,000 – even more depending on how the accounts are structured. i also pointed out that much of the hype about this was purely alarmist media horseshit, designed to jack up television viewership.
Mom was having none of this, so we patiently waited for the next available bank manager. After about 15 minutes, a manager appeared, escorting an elderly gentleman from her cubicle. As we settled in, she patiently waited for Mom to explain the purpose of our visit. The manager was reassuring as she walked Mom through the levels of safety employed by the institution.
As i sat there, lulled to sleep by the warm and comforting tones of the manager, i noticed another manager escorting an elderly woman from the adjacent cube. And then collecting another senior citizen from the waiting area in the lobby. Our manager prepared a detailed report on Mom’s account structures, and used the FDIC website to capture a snapshot of fiscal security.
And in the lobby? Two more elder statesmen had arrived, and were waiting on deck…
As we left, we both thanked the manager. i asked her politely – “Guess you’re seeing quite a few anxious investors these days, eh?” As she smiled sweetly – not quite through gritted teeth but perhaps with the hint of a snarl forming around her perfectly painted lips – “Oh, it’s understandable with all of the media attention these days…”.
She’s a saint. It’s only a matter of time before some addled bank manager storms off to a local news station and starts whacking on-air personalities*** with potted plants, and piercing their temples with bank pens, still attached to security chains. i guess hyping economic catastrophe is what tides the bag-o’-shit media outlets over between the “frozen highways of death” season and the “hurricanes obliterating humanity – probably due to global warming” late summer season.
Lurking in the back of my head is a touch of conspiracy theory – perhaps these fear-mongering media motherfuckers drive elderfolk to stash cash in their mattresses. Then spend their weekends buying stained, flattened beds at estate sales looking for treasure…
* Got me a bit of a harmless “girl crush” on Dr. M – in the footnote here. As much as i’m tempted to think it’s just wishful thinking on my part? She does seem to enjoy engaging me in conversation, asks how “single life” is treating me and tells me i’m looking good. Could it be… dare i say it… “mutual”?
** Mom had a bit of the irrational “my parts is gonna fall out” fears post-surgery. i could empathize… after two c-sections to deliver my industrial sized offspring, i was freaked out about things coming undone. Still can’t watch “Alien” – or even “Spaceballs” – without a twinge…
*** Not to be confused with “journalists”, or even “reporters”… that would require brain cells.
Trailer Park Refugee 
Perfect chicken little take.
Description of doc–rawr.
Awww, c’mon daisyfae. If there weren’t all these potential and imminent catastrophes waiting to happen, then what would the talking heads talk about? If the reporting was as mundane as the world truly is, putting all of the talking heads on the street and out of work would be enough to precipitate a recession or even a depression.
Glad to hear your mom is feeling better; at least well enough to worry about her cash.
you need to turn chicken little into nuggets to go with your Mom’s bacon and eggs!
weren’t you the one willing to sell familial body parts for cash? and here’s your mom with big bucks in the bank? hmmm…
I’d take the time to reply, but I just heard there is a garage sale down the road – with mattresses – – –
Well, older people are not as likely to take government “security” for granted as we youngsters.
I have to admit that the fact that the Sec of the Treasury was doing the Sunday morning talk show rounds to reassure the safety of banked money made me wonder just what aren’t they telling us. The FDIC is backed by the government which the last I heard was in serious debt. Still I guess I am in no danger of exceeding the insured limit and of course there is the added bonus that I don’t live stateside anymore and some of my money is here (which probably makes it even less secure when things go belly up down there:)
Glad that your mom is doing so well.
industrial sized offspring?
Sounds like you could give birth to some wicker furniture after that.
Do you have Elvis hiding down there too?
As far as the Doc goes, there’s some damn juicy blog material hiding there.
Rock on, DF
~m
turnbaby – the doc is a goddess! right down to the cute little support hose she has bagging around the ankles, above her sensible shoes…. what is it about smart, talented, gorgeous women?
rob – maybe if the talking heads had to actually work for sustenance they’d gain perspective? they’re just tools… Mom is doing well – cantankerous as ever! A good sign!
gnu – these “chicken nuggets” would have no actual meat… my recommendation to mom was to hit the casino riverboats in indiana and be done with it… no cash? no problem!
archie – “thar’s money in them thar quills”…. yuk, yuk… feather bed humor and all that…
annie – i’m sympathetic to her concerns. depression-era folks have good reason to worry. if things tank as badly as predicted? everyone’s hosed… i trust enough to believe that it would be so bad that we’d all be lining up for cheese at the Red Cross vans. i’ll wait in line for her… And yep, she was barking at grocery store clerks and running over people with her cart! She’s back to her old self!
~m – The Girl was just over 11 lbs. The Boy? Smaller at 10.5 lbs. Despite the fact that we had a promising trend, i quit. Although shelling out lawn furniture could have some advantages – Elvis left the building years ago. Despite rumors… Speaking of which, we’ll leave the Dr. M commentary over at http://girlcrushesonhotcardiologists.com at a future date!
Yep, the oldsters remember the Great Depression, or their parent’s tales of it. Wait, I’m dating myself here. Actually, I think we’re all fucked unless we’ve got gold stashed someplace, but my grandmother told me that 50 years ago. Just hope we don’t get into 2,200,000% inflation like some places in the world.
After re-reading this…
She’s looking marvelous, bright of eye, bushy of tail. She’s in great spirits, with blush in her cheeks and spring in her step.
Is this Mom? or Dr. M?
The media, beating things out of proportion… I cant see that happening, are you sure?
Glad the old girls doing fine!
love the chicken little image!
and i thought you didn’t really like bushy tails 🙂
“Oh my god, we’re all going to go broke” isn’t quite as punchy as “Oh my god, we’re all gonna DIE!”, but it’s still up there on the panic-o-meter.
silverstar – Mom had her funds temporarily tied up in a “Savings and Loan” failure in the 1980’s. Didn’t lose a dime but lost a lot of sleep over it, so i understand… i just get pissed at the media playing that fear to keep people tuned in.
rob – Dr. M is drop-dead gorgeous, and was looking quite spiffy!
alex – of course not! it isn’t even “Sweeps” month…
nm – i kinda liked the pic, too. even though it was Disney! and “bushy” is in the eye of the beholder… 😉
kyknoord – i’m waiting for the special news segments on “how to make yummy casserole meals from canned dog food”. bastards.
Recent bypass surgery + meetings with dullard bank managers = recipe for disaster. The more space you put between these two events, the better!
My parents are antsy now to. They are moving around assets to avoid having more than $100,000 in one bank.
Unbearable Banishment – Welcome to The Park! From Ohio, shipped off to NYC and now “Banished” to Jersey? Will take a closer look at your blog – sounds fascinating!
uncle keith – if they have joint ownership, FDIC rolls up to $200k. Even with additional “benificiaries” (ie: payable on death), it adds “ceiling” to the insurance coverage…
And then they have the audacity to tell us spin docters that we’re twistin’ the ole truth.
Hypocritical mutthafukkers.
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