Office Chat – 2008 Edition

Although i work in an environment full of geeks, there is a delightful subset of colleagues i’ve grown attached to who have a juvenile and twisted remarkably sharp sense of humor*.  A recent exchange on Friday – typical of our stupidity – was particularly childish amusing. 

Four of us involved, all sitting quietly in our offices pretending to be working.  This discussion started in response to an announcement that one of our pack – a manager who is that remarkable combination of fun and functional – has been selected for promotion and will be leaving us within a few weeks for another part of the organization.

RJAK:  Do you think he’ll still come out to drink dirty martinis with us?  You know, we should schedule an offsite soon…

Ninjaneer (NJN):  He might not associate with lowlifes anymore.  He’ll meet me for drinks, though.

daisyfae (DF):  if you’re buyin’

RN: and wearing heels

RJAK: and the magic techno-loincloth

DF: Yes.  “cloaking” loincloth.  Please…

NJN:  i prefer flats, and I’ll put a garbage can over it.  Only the bottom 4 inches will show.

RJAK:  like this?

RN:  So you named it “oscar the grouch”?  Looks pretty unhappy about what he has to do next.

NJN:  No, i call him “Thor, Hammer of the Gods”

DF:  Ewww…. your penith is thor?  That thucks… Try penithillin…

RJAK:  Should be “Oscar the Ouch”

NJN: Most women just call it “[gasp] Oh God!”  i don’t show it to men.


* it should be noted:  we are all adult, professionals.  responsible for the formulation and execution of state of the art scientific research programs.  age range?  35-47 years of age.  at least physical age.  emotional age:  12-15 at best…  RJAK, the other female, is the 15 year old. 

26 thoughts on “Office Chat – 2008 Edition

  1. Captain Hammer:
    See, Penny’s giving it up. She’s givin it up hard, cause she’s with Captain Hammer. and THESE are not the hammer.

    Captain Hammer:
    The hammer is my penis.

  2. …and you’re getting PAID to do stuff like this?

    but i have to call bullshit … no way i’m going to believe you were sitting quietly in your office… knowing you, there had to be some level of rambunctiousness going on even before this exchange…

  3. imeantno – Good catch! Crikey! Just about 24 hours left to see Dr. Horrible take on the butch and super-heroey Captain Hammer for free before the serial drops into the pay-per-view interweb… The Horror, the HORROR!

    gnukid – i do sit quietly in my office. a wise friend taught me that sometimes if you sit perfectly still the dinosaurs that own the organization can’t see you. they are drawn to movement… and sound… so i am quiet. especially when i’m fucking off…. thbttt!

  4. Sounds like some of the stuff I used to get up to with the Irish Mafia in the Alzheimer’s unit on the afternoon shift after all the nabobs went home. Those people weren’t going to tell on us. Good times.

  5. You took the words right out of my mouth, nm. Please enlighten us, df. Also, tell Ninjaneer he wouldn’t have to wear a garbage can if he simply shoved Thor’s hammer up his ass. 🙂

  6. alex – growing up is, like, totally over-rated… i can get old, but i’ll be immature until the day i die! makes me a fun date, that’s for sure!

    silverstar – *snort* “Irish Mafia in the Alzheimer’s unit”. PLEASE tell me you’ll write a television show about this! At least worth an HBO special!

    nm – um… sorry… we do advanced technology. it’s highly proprietary. wouldn’t want the competition to get the jump on us, now would we?

    toby – we tell him to shove it up his ass all the time. he’s pretty much tuned us out…

  7. I never hear anything like this in my workplace. Mind you we’ve had diversity shoved so far down our throats I don’t even gag on it anymore.

  8. rob – we’ve had it shoved down our throats as well. but we hoark it back at the HR folks. they have pretty much thrown in the towel…

    awalkabout – holy crap. if a bunch of geeks debating penis-power makes the top of the wordpress business section, this country is going straight to hell. no handbasket. yikes!

  9. Bb – a Degree of Indifference, followed by an advanced Degree of Ineptitude. The Degree of Complexity was never completed…

    kyknoord – the Ninjaneer needs his own warning label. We’ve attempted to get him drunk enough during happy hour that he could be abducted and taken to a tattoo parlor, but he’s got the alcohol-constitution of a sailor.

    nm – why would you need a loincloth? you’ve got corsets! 😉

  10. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who concocts X-rated conversations about Muppets. Hurray for immaturity.
    BTW, if he’s Oscar, which one of you is the Snuffalufagus?

  11. There are not nearly enough childish amusing people in my workplace, but there are enough to make it worth it.

    I believe, sadly, that I hold the dubious honour of being considered the most childish amusing. But my humour is considered more scatalogical sophisticated.


  12. squirrel queen – you need to see Avenue Q. It’s pretty brilliant… Muppet sex. Live. On stage. You haven’t done muppet perversion until you’ve heard “the internet is for porn”… Oh, and i’m curious about the Snuffleupagas question, too… could make the organizational christmas party a bit more fun, couldn’t it?

    dolce – hey…. wait… aren’t you in human resources or personnel or something? aren’t you supposed to be the folks bustin’ the perverts?

    uncle keith – the visual is a little scary. this is a big, strappin’ man, shaved head, goatee… piercings. don’t wanna see him in parachute pants mincing about the mens room…. [shudder]

    silverstar – guess there are advantages to having clientele with a bit of memory loss…

  13. ~m – we’ve wasted partial happy hours discussing it. i will insist on holding out until the producer has enough cash to pay Lucy Lawless to do play daisyfae. i will not settle for less…

  14. toby – she’s the one! she played “Rizzo” in a broadway revival of “Grease”, so she can even sing! appreciate your vote of confidence, though!

  15. Pingback: You can’t handle the truth! « Awalkabout’s Weblog

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