For Christmas, The Girl gave me a lovely gift. One that would be considered to be a very odd gift by most normal people…. “Smithsonian Sea Monsters“. A grow-yer-own critter lab in a clear plastic bucket. She apparently has memories of our years as Sea Monkey ranchers when she was a shrimp, and thought it would make me happy.
She was right.
At some point over the holidays, i discovered an Executive Sea Monkey set that had been given to me as a house warming present. At some other point over the holidays, we decided that the only civilized thing to do was to grow both sets of critters in parallel. And fight them.
It’s on, muthafuckahs…
The Sea Monsters got a couple weeks headstart on growth, due to the need to buy a fresh pack of Sea Monkey eggs*. The Boy will handle all wagering, of course. The Girl will assure that all “events” are conducted under humane society guidelines** for shrimps — NOT to be confused with midget wrestling.
My money’s on the Sea Monkeys. While they may have a slight disadvantage in size, they make up for it in “cute”. Sea Monsters ain’t got crowns…
- Sea Monkeys
Sea Monsters
* Who knew? Sea Monkey eggs don’t last more than a year.
** Still looking for the guidelines for “Crustacean Cage Match”.
Trailer Park Refugee 
Cool–now I’ll have another sporting event to look forward to once the Super Bowl is over.
my money is on the Smithsonian monsters….monsters eh? bound to win….
this isn’t weird at all….heh
Oh, man, I was in Michaels the other day and they had that Smithsonian set on sale and I was THIS close to buying one. Take pictures, ‘k?
‘normal people’ Have you found some?
Uhhhhhhh…………..Okay! I don’t gamble, unfortunately.
When it’s all said and done? Turn them in some butter.
hereinfranklin – rats! we just checked and the sea monsters are swimming with the fishies in davy jones’ locker… they have been re-egged… film at eleven…
manuel – we forgot to feed the monsters. damn. who knew they needed food? so much for the “smithsonian” brand…
beth – she works part time at Michael’s, so they are indeed the same set… they were 1/2″ long and happily doing their monster thing yesterday. so fragile. remember to feed them…
syncopated eyeball – not in my world. will keep looking…
rob – with the long winters up in your neck of the woods, i’d think gambling would be a winter passtime. but i don’t wager much myself. gambling is for people who can’t do math…
unbearable banishment – it would take a LOT of sea monkeys to make a meal. and i’ve raised so many of them over the years, it would be the same as eating dogs for me… i don’t eat shrimp. i know it they are tasty little things, but to me? they are pets…
won’t you…and especially the Boy…be disappointed when they live together in happy harmony, sharing cookie recipes and holding…ummm… hand thingies
D’oh! I thought you were talking about “sea monkeys” that start out as dried up sponges and just need you to add water so they become fat saturated sponges.
Please. Film so I can satisfy this thirst for real sea monkeys.
The guy who invented Sea Monkeys, Harold von Braunhut, was a neighbor of mine. He lived in Indian Head, Maryland, till his death in 2003. He was a white supremicist. Needless to say, we weren’t close.
“Not to be confused with midget wrestling”? Is that on the following week?
Sea Monkeys… I still feel guilty about what happened to them at my house. Nothing deserves to die that way. On the upside, the dog was really thirsty. Man…
My best friend watched mine and they ended up on her sister’s head… poor ‘ittle shrimps.
If the Smithsonian crew sneaks in microscopic shanks under their, um, scales, they could de-vein the brine shrimp, just like I did to my Super Bowl appetizers yesterday!
Then again, don’t bring a fishing net to a knife fight…
I remember seeing these advertised in the back of comics back in the day ……. I was too scared to buy any though …….. they sound scary …..
Daddy — but didn’t you find the illustrations of the girl shrimps kinda sexy in a pre-teen mermaid kinda way? When we were 8, I mean, not now! I only go for shellfish that’s of Legal (Seafood) age.
You gotta starve ’em, then they’ll eat each other in desperate combat until only one tribe remains. Two crustaceans enter, one crustacean leaves. That is the law of ThunderDome!
gnukid – or better yet? cross-breeding… hmmm…. reminds me of that episode of South Park…
fragrant liar – no, but that might make for some entertaining additional diversions this winter. instead of water? lighter fluid… yes….
uncle keith – looked him up, and SHAZAM-WOW, was he a looney tuner! and a neighbor? one account said he had a red ‘vette. this does make me feel ever-so-slightly nauseated that the tens of dollars i’ve invested over the years in my Sea Monkey habit have potentially contributed toward Hitler Youth activities in MD. thanks for that, though. you are, as always, a fountain of knowledge!
nursemyra – the boy only knows one ‘small person’. the younger brother of his mormon friend. yes, a mormon midget. until we find a second player? afraid we’ll have to keep waiting on that one… damn. i hate winter.
writerdood – ouch. we’ve flushed a few, but nobody ever fed ’em to the dog. sea monkeys swim against the current, so it’s kinda cool to watch them defiantly swim against the swirling toilet waters of certain death.
stephanie – sad. who could throw a bucket of sea monkeys? ours usually just shrivel up and die… and i let them sit there until the bucket is completely dried out, and always think i’ll ‘re-animate’ them. but i usually just throw it out when i am in the throes of cleaning the kitchen…
blaiser – haven’t figured out exactly where the sea monsters would ‘suitcase’ a shank. but it’s a fine question. then again, we don’t really care if it’s a fair fight. just so long as it entertains…
DP – scary? they’re adorable! little crowns, and blonde hair… bet you bought the x-ray specs, though. pervert.
blaiser – bonus points for best shellfish pun of the day… ‘legal’ seafood. *snort* love it!
renalfailure – that’s pretty much why we think the sea monsters already died. i thought the girl was feeding them. the new batch should be hatching soon. we’ll have to time it right… “ThunderDome”? if one of the little shrimp bitches channels Tina Turner? She wins….
I was as disappointed as you. When I was a wee youngster I used to order them from the back of comic books, and it disturbs me as well to think where my parent’s money went. Although I’m quite certain we are better off not knowing where all the dish detergent, lunch meat, and candy bar money we spend every day ends up.
i was always curious about those things. what are they anyway? a tiny shrimp thingy?
Sea Monkeys in Glesga speak means something not unlike tadpoles and tapioca pudding. Too much info you think?
Did you also get a set of midgets for Christmas that you could turn against each other at a later date? If so, I hope you’re doing a better job of feeding them until the big cage match.
uncle keith – i guess it isn’t any worse than wondering where all of our taxes go…
lynn – brine shrimp. cleverly marketed freeze dried brine shrimp eggs. no crowns, but the male ones get quite a pair of ‘dangly bits’ when they grow up… you can definitely tell the males from the females, and it isn’t just because of the blonde wigs on the girl monkeys…
jimmy – fascinating. never made the connection, but perhaps that explains why i have a near obsession with sea monkeys…
squirrelqueen – no midgets, but what a GREAT idea! i’d try harder to keep them fed… probably…
The x-ray specs didn’t work …… *sulk with bottom lip sticking out* ……..NOT that I ever bought them though!!!!!
Threaten to feed the losers to the goldfish. Oh, you’re going to need goldfish.
Oh, this is going to sound super fucked up…but this post made me hungry.
And I love AVP. And AVP2.
DP – well, maybe the newer ones work better! comic books still exist, i’m sure you could find an advert!
chris – more pets requiring maintenance is not on my short list of “things to do for a good time”.
rassles – you and the cat. he’s already been pawing at the monster water… i haven’t seen either AVP. probably should do that…