Movement.
It’s the only thing that comforts the restless soul. Never content staying put, never satisfied with ‘now’. Only a brief celebratory moment upon completion of a task or goal, before mentally starting work on the next one…
i’ve been stuck. No shortage of things to do, but none of them providing what i need at the moment. Working out at least an hour a day, spending too much time on the internet, i am making no progress towards anything of substance. i’ve lost my mojo, and don’t know where i put it.
Life as a spectator leaves me cold. i have to be in the game. Somehow, i’ve become comfortable watching. Saying things such as “i’d like to improve my French”, versus starting the coursework. “i really want to find a band”. But not looking for one. “Wishing” instead of “doing”. Not the person i want to be…
It was the simple act of getting on a plane that cleared a few of the cobwebs. Since moving to the new job in June, i haven’t traveled much. Before that? Only the sporadic day trip here or there. Like riding a bike, though, you don’t forget.
Intuitively knowing where to park at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon at the airport. Whisking through the check in process, my frequent flier number committed to memory. Despite carrying only a backpack for an overnight trip, efficiently breezing through the security line – with two laptops*.
Knowing the equipment for both flights. Seat 17A in a CRJ-700 is the last row. The knowledge that i won’t be reclining before i get on the plane. An Airbus 320? Enough legroom, despite the appearance of being cramped. i just know…. and it feels good to be moving. With confidence.
Not going anywhere important. Not doing anything that mattered much in the grand scheme of things. Movement provided the illusion of progress… and i was smacked in the head with the realization that it feeds me.
You’re either growing or you’re dying. So tonight? i’m back on the stage. With a band. Unprepared. Unpracticed. And completely unafraid. Stepping into completely unknown territory. An ‘open stage’ where you can either drop in with the house band, or play solo. Packing up the Gibson. Balls out, here we go…
Best girlgroup ever. The Ronettes. Before Phil Spector was shooting his dates, he could produce some music...
* Personal laptop and business one. By volume? Ratio of “electronics:clothing” was 15:1. By weight? At least 40:1. i am a geek.
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Update: Photos here. Damn, damn, DAMN, but that was big fun!
Trailer Park Refugee 
Motion. That’s it. My mojo has been on E recently and reading this made me realize there was a total lack of motion in that time.
I am in the process of applying to a yoga studio for teacher training. After that, maybe I should tackle the French?
Have fun on stage.
careful of that pendulum, though. there’ve been posts where you’ve been too overloaded with things — travel, people, projects. find that nice middle ground.
and, whether unpracticed or not, i know you’ll kick some good musical ass tonight. go wow the audience. you can and you will.
thanks, sugar! and y’all know why! ;~D xoxox
Spectre was indeed a genius but fuck him….I hope he rots….murdering mentalist…
Since my career change, I’ve felt mostly like I’m just waiting for it come around again on the guitar. Or waiting for the right moment to jump on the merry-go-round — pick your metaphor. But little things help and I feel myself coming up to speed. It feels good to just know every so often, no matter how much we like to learn new things.
You’re singing my song, girl. I do a lot of talking about the things I want to do and be, but seems like so much of it is just that: talk.
My sister Dee got her own band, a lifelong dream, when she hit 40. She died four years later (last year) just as her first professional CD was coming out. Point being, I’m glad you’re not waiting. I’m glad you’re actually doing it. While you can, while you’re alive, while it’s really a passion for you.
I’m predicting you’ll be back doing theatre before too much longer….
renal failure – it works. get moving. go buy tickets for greece the last week in june. nursemyra and i will teach you about motion…
annie – wow! given that you can do an unassisted headstand, you seem more than ready for teaching. beginners yoga this winter for me most likely. and if i can get my hands on a copy of ‘Rosetta Stone’ from the collection at work? french, too…
gnu – you’re right. it can be overdone. but it felt really good. like no other high…
savannah – cheering for you… gonna be ok.
manuel – ‘mentalist’ for sure. murderer? no question. he should have taken himself out after he created the ‘wall of sound’. saved everyone the heartache…
chris – you seem to manage your personal growth in a healthy way. keep learning. keep stretching. and in your case, keep working with that camera/telescope!
fragrant liar – i remember the video you posted of your sister, and she was extraordinarily talented. so very sorry she’s gone. never postpone joy… and never throw away a dream. a good lesson.
nursemyra – don’t think so. this is different. whereas theater is ‘crack’? being with a band is ‘morphine’. in fact, one of my friends said i looked like i had a morphine drip running through me while i was on stage… for me? this is the real thing…
good luck daisyfae. i can relate to this post in that i’ve been feeling a bit stagnant latley myself. i think it’s this time of year though, another year winding down and i’m apprehensive about what the upcoming year will bring. i also agree that wishing does not equal doing! my goal is to change that for myself in 2010.
Nothing wrong with being a geek daisy…
Good on you! You do so much! I feel tired just reading about it.
you and my hubby…our trip to Syria consisted of one full size suitcase with nothing but electronic stuff.
I lost my mojo over the last year and if you find it would you send it back. The hubby says his goal for this next year of our life together is to get be back from pending depression. what a sad goal for the hubby to have to have. I need to recover the mojo myself.
One day at a time.
good luck with the band. Please don’t let Gnu name you..it could be “the festering pustules”
I fell in love with Ronnie Bennett when she told me she wanted to “Be My Baby.” I said yes, and she responded, “Baby, I Love You.” So I dumped Diana Ross.
Then Ronnie ran off with Arlen Spector and the rest is history.
constant movement, and velocity… critical. girl, you have to make it to Oslo in Aug now, I am putting together a band called renny and the bitches and I need more bitches. x
lynn – planning is important, but overplanning can be quicksand… good luck with 2010!
alex – i know. maybe 2010 will be The Year of the Geek and we’ll be treated like celebrities?
syncopated eyeball – i feel better when i’m in motion. there is also a difference between doing things and accomplishing things… i’ve been short on the ‘accomplish’ side… (not talking about climbing everest… reading a book is an accomplishment)
hisqueen – here’s to a better year ahead for you and the hubby as well. mojo can be recovered. i hope. the band name could be many things, but ‘festering pustules’ is not going to make the short list!
bunkstrutts – Arlen? AAAAAAAARGH! Ronnie really does have issues with men… “Be My Little Baby” is one of the most incredible songs ever! In my top 5…
Bb – i would be honored to join Renny and the Bitches. now, to figure a way to Oslo… hmmmm…. working on it…
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I can’t imagine you stagnant. Me, yes, you, no. And even I have to move on, learn something new, try something different. I don’t know what the new year will bring, but I think I’m ADD enough to have it be something completely different, as Monty Python says.
silverstar – even being very busy doesn’t work. i was running maniacally here, there and yonder, but not really doing anything. you are always trying new things – geocaching, knitting, photography – and pushing your envelope. that’s what was missing… signed up for “stress and rescue” SCUBA classes today. that’ll keep me growing this winter!