It’s the only thing that comforts the restless soul. Never content staying put, never satisfied with ‘now’. Only a brief celebratory moment upon completion of a task or goal, before mentally starting work on the next one…
i’ve been stuck. No shortage of things to do, but none of them providing what i need at the moment. Working out at least an hour a day, spending too much time on the internet, i am making no progress towards anything of substance. i’ve lost my mojo, and don’t know where i put it.
Life as a spectator leaves me cold. i have to be in the game. Somehow, i’ve become comfortable watching. Saying things such as “i’d like to improve my French”, versus starting the coursework. “i really want to find a band”. But not looking for one. “Wishing” instead of “doing”. Not the person i want to be…
It was the simple act of getting on a plane that cleared a few of the cobwebs. Since moving to the new job in June, i haven’t traveled much. Before that? Only the sporadic day trip here or there. Like riding a bike, though, you don’t forget.
Intuitively knowing where to park at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon at the airport. Whisking through the check in process, my frequent flier number committed to memory. Despite carrying only a backpack for an overnight trip, efficiently breezing through the security line – with two laptops*.
Knowing the equipment for both flights. Seat 17A in a CRJ-700 is the last row. The knowledge that i won’t be reclining before i get on the plane. An Airbus 320? Enough legroom, despite the appearance of being cramped. i just know…. and it feels good to be moving. With confidence.
Not going anywhere important. Not doing anything that mattered much in the grand scheme of things. Movement provided the illusion of progress… and i was smacked in the head with the realization that it feeds me.
You’re either growing or you’re dying. So tonight? i’m back on the stage. With a band. Unprepared. Unpracticed. And completely unafraid. Stepping into completely unknown territory. An ‘open stage’ where you can either drop in with the house band, or play solo. Packing up the Gibson. Balls out, here we go…
* Personal laptop and business one. By volume? Ratio of “electronics:clothing” was 15:1. By weight? At least 40:1. i am a geek.
Update: Photos here. Damn, damn, DAMN, but that was big fun!