getting really (c)old…

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icedog.jpg
Is it spring yet?

More snow and ice.  There was a magical moment this morning at 6:00 am – opening my tired eyes to watch the extensive list of closings on the morning news – and patiently waiting through over 200 listings to learn that we’d been granted a 2 hour delay in reporting to work!

Joy!  It felt like a “snow day” from school!  i re-set the alarm and snuggled back into the pillows for much needed sleep… An additional 4″ of snow fell overnight, coated with 1/4″ of freezing rain during the day.

As lovely as it looks from my front window – a skating rink made of vanilla frosting – i’m getting tired of the cold.  We usually have one ridiculously warm weekend in late February that drives me wild with Spring Fever.  That is the weekend where i am notorious for searching the classified ads for used motorcycles…

With March around the corner, maybe i’ve dodged my annual bike lust-a-thon and will drop right into my early spring ‘i neeeeeeeed a sailboat’ frenzy.  Yeah, it’s just ‘stuff’… but stuff that gets me out breathing and moving.  And after a winter of mostly sitting on my ass, i am hungry to play in the sunshine.  Palm Springs was such a tease…

Snow days are nice, but there’s no substitute for summer vacation!

the ice storm cometh…

If you believe the news stations, you’d think a frosty Armageddon is nigh… Classic shots of brave reporters, bundled in artic gear, standing next to piles of salt in road maintenance facilities.  Interviews with rugged locals sharing survival tips, steeling themselves against ‘death from the skies’.

Fortunately, i know better. And despite the fact that i haven’t been to the grocery in over a month, and there is nothing in the house to eat except a 3 month old, half-eaten box of frosted wheat cereal, stale granola bars, and some Milk Bone shrapnel even the dog won’t eat, i’m not in a panic.

Unfortunately, the store shelves are under assault!  Not only the grocery stores, but drug stores, hardware stores and even the Quick-e-Marts are being stripped clean by blue-haired old ladies frantic to stockpile goods before the storm hits.

Fortunately, I am clever and lazy.  I called out for enough pizza delivered to my door (which i answered in my bathrobe) – that i can survive for 3-4 days if required.  Oh, and i have beer and a full bar.  Forgot to mention that part… pretty important in the decision-making process.

Unfortunately, the prediction is for 1/4″ of ice, followed by 4″ of snow.  Nothing moves on ice, even the 4WD fucktard-mobiles.  Always fun to see them skidding out of control on ice.  Arrogant, stupid bastards…

Fortunately, given that weather forecasts are ratings-motivated, computer-generated hallucinations filmed in front of a green screen, we’ll likely get about 6 hours of rain and wind… with a temperature around freezing. 

So, stay tuned!  Will daisyfae end up spending a weekend alone with the dog, drinking beer and gnawing on scraps of fossilized pizza? Will the power go out, forcing her to pull out the gas-powered generator she cleverly keeps in the garage?

Um…I just don’t have any gasoline on hand to run it.  And yes, i could theoretically siphon gas from one of the shitmobiles… if they weren’t both on “E”.

(note to self: get shit together. notify media if i do…)

—————-

Winter storm update: Breaking news — despite the best efforts of the media to make something happen, through strategic geographic placement of staff, wearing artic gear, the final result was a short period of ice (between 2am and 3am).  This was followed by about 3 hours of rain… A few accidents in the middle of the fucking night, but nothing caught on tape, suitable for replay on endless loop for the entire season. 

Bottom line – an aura of faux relief on the morning news shows, barely masking bitter disappointment… no regional emmy awards for storm coverage likely from this one.  And i will not have to eat pizza for three days.  Ha!

If you can’t stand the heat (cold?)…

More snow this morning – gorgeous, light and fluffy powder.  Total of maybe 6″, but with a brisk wind, sculpted drifts were forming!  The office opening was delayed, giving me time to shovel…

I was in a rather spectacular mood by the time i hopped in the shitmobile to go to work.  My other car (aka the true love of my life) is a rebuilt ’83 jeep cj-7 <grunt, scratch> but the roads weren’t bad enough to need ground clearance or 4WD, so off i went on unplowed streets – fishtailing a bit as i turned the corner just for fun!

The mood was stolen from me when i encountered the first Snow Pussy.   You know ’em.  They drive 5 mph on merely wet pavement, straddling 2 lanes… white knuckles firmly gripping the steering wheel, eyes like saucers, they can plug up traffic for miles.  They can’t park properly when the lines are obscured by snow – either pulling in about 4′ away from the nearest car, or parking at a rakish angle, throwing off alignment for an entire row.

They’ll be all over my damn TV-tube tonight on the local news, clearing grocery store shelves in a rabid pack in case we get more snow…

All i can say is this:  Move. 

If you don’t like snow, you should go somewhere without snow.  Maybe florida (but then you’d just whine about hurricanes, alligators and cubans).  Maybe the southwest (but you’d just whine about scorpions, rattlesnakes and mexicans).  How about just back under a big damn rock somewhere?

But i recaptured the mood again tonight.  Grabbing a shovel, and sneaking to the house of the widow next door – and no, for those of you of a certain age, she has not been married seven times before – i was able to shovel a little more snow.  You’d be amazed at how difficult it is to do this quietly… 

Mrs. E, my neighbor, is 80 years old.  This autumn, due to work overload, and not having my slave-laborers children home, i was racing against darkness to get my leaves bagged… Mrs. E showed up behind me with a rake to pitch in… And earlier tonight, i saw her out shoveling a path so she could get her trash to the curb.

Snow Pussies?  Take that… if Mrs. E can deal with it, then i think you can too.  Bunch of stinkin’ babies.