douchebag tag

Driving home from work yesterday, i was bopping along happily in my jeep.  The sun was shining, i was singing at the top of my lungs while toolin’ topless down the interstate.  Feeling pretty good after a challenging week…

Spotted a big ol’ jacked up “Bubby Truck” – with a bumper sticker in the back window:


My first reaction was to laugh.  It’s kinda cute.  But as i passed the truck, took a good look at the driver, i got to thinkin’… 

He was smallish – certainly well short of six feet tall.  Skinny.  Maybe mid-20’s.  Short spiky blonde hair – a sort of military cut.  Not particularly attractive – pinched features, beady eyes, no visible eyebrows.  He looked over at me as i passed – the jeep, combined with my hair whipping around my head and skirt blowing over my face as i haul ass down the interstate will generally warrant a look from a guy in a truck.  Nope.  He was absolutely nothing special.

What woman would willingly ride in this truck?  What woman would willingly exchange body fluids with this man?  How low does your self-respect have to be before you can jump into that truck and tell yourself “Whew!  I passed the test!  I’ve earned the affections of this wonderful man!  He thinks I’m good enough to ride in his truck!  Yay me!”

All i can say is “Look, you punk-ass redneck motherfucker.  You wanna see a fat chick jump?  Haul your sorry whiteboy ass out on the basketball court and i’ll school you in ‘Jumping Fat Chicks 101’.  Douchenozzle.”