Starting to think about packing for my trip to Seville, Spain – where i will spend a week trying to avoid arrest visiting with azahar and nursemyra. i leave on Wednesday afternoon, which means i’ll start packing that morning. As a seasoned “road warrior” i know how to get my shit packed* – but for an extended international trip, i will generally put some thought into what i need to bring a few days prior**.
With major weight loss over the past few years, coupled with my deep-rooted hatred of anything that relates to shopping, i realized*** that i have no jeans that actually fit me. Yesterday, in the middle of a thousand other errands, i stopped at the store to purchase jeans. Did i mention i despise shopping? That’s what the internet is for, damn it!
In the dressing room, swearing at the ghost of Levi Strauss, i was tugging on a pair of jeans – somewhere between the high-waisted “Mom” jeans with pleats and elastic at the waist and the low-rise “Muffin Top Generators” that cannot be worn by anyone over the age of 15…. The Girl called. Doing a bastardized form of one-legged yoga, i took the call since she’d been sick, and we hadn’t talked recently.
Explaining that i was in the midst of picking up some clothes for the trip, she dropped the following:
The Girl: You need to look cute over while you’re there! Pack fun clothes! Bring home a hot Spanish Daddy for me. [pause] With a hot Spanish son…
* Heh, heh, heh… she said “shit packed”…
** Relax, az– 20 bags of Orville Redenbacher’s Smartpop– plain – procured, and ready to go! In ziploc bags, of course. Your popcorn mule stands ready to deliver the goods. Now, if they ever make this shit illegal, we’ll have to chat – i ain’t swallowing them inside of condoms or anything! Might get “popped” by the x-ray machine at the airport!
*** i only realized this because a friend called me “satchel britches”, noting that my jeans had enough room in the back for a troupe of performing midgets. “But i like these jeans! i bought them for $5 at the thrift store a few years ago!… um… right… guess it’s time, huh?”