Death metal…

It has long been my strategy to keep a fleet of shitmobiles, and drive them until the wheels fall off.  Seems the wheels are starting to come off, and i need to develop a back up plan.

At this particular moment in time, i have three cars, the newest one being ten years old.  And also at this particular moment in time, if i had to drive more than 100 miles, i’d rent a car – or worse – borrow wheels from either of my kids. 

Let’s take a look at my stable, shall we?

First is the The Pimpmobile.  Bought almost entirely by telephone about nine years ago, while i was under duress*, i have hated this car from the moment i first saw it.  It is gold.  It is ferocious in it’s ugliness.  But the top comes down, so i can use it like a yuppie pick up truck if need be… and i have. 

The Girl had it with her at the university, and it was sideswiped in the parking lot.  That was about four years ago.  i let it rust.  Suffer, bitch…

This uglyfuckingexcuseforacar cost me $350 today, as it dropped stone cold dead in the garage over the weekend.  It is repaired.  i’m thinking that’s the last of my hardly-earned cash this ol’ cow is going to see…  135,000 miles, and i hate it just as much as i hated it the day i bought it.

Reliable ride number two?  That would be my son’s former car, a 1995 Toyota Camry.  This was a great car for him up until a few months ago when it started to idle rough.  My Favorite Mechanic took a good look and explained that one of the valves is crapping out, and it would be at least $1,500 to repair.  Fuck that.  He said i could get another 5,000 miles out of it, and so i shall…

Fortunately, my ex-father-in-law, now 92 years old, didn’t need his big ass Buick.  The Boy now drives a lovely Old Man Car, with about 42,000 miles on it.  Leather interior.  Sweet cruiser…  And the price was right.  So the Camry is now my back up car, at least until it shits out it’s last fumes.

In general, this is a great car – and with the massive subwoofer that lives in the trunk?  The sound system on this thing will blow the doors off an SUV.  The only downside?  i probably ought to remove those stickers… Then again, i don’t think anyone driving past is really going to mistake me for a Danzig fan…  The small round one? That says “This Ride Has God Inside”.  That one stays…

My favorite, of course, is my Jeep.  This one’s a keeper, but she’s 27 years old and is occasionally temperamental, as old girls sometimes are… Bike racks are for pussies.  i love this car, but getting caught topless in the rain – when i’m supposed to be all presentable in a suit and shit – just doesn’t always work…

Oh, and there’s one more set of wheels in my garage.  Perhaps the lowest mileage of the bunch… Not much use in the rain.  Good for my heart.  Still, a twenty year old bike.  With the drivers in this part of the country, i would also be risking death if i attempted to commute on a bicycle. 

i need to suck it up buy a car…  Grrr….

* Dad was in the hospital, i was commuting 120 miles a day round trip, and my primary wheels were falling apart.  An import/sports car, it was expensive.  i had to do something…

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