Dog Gone

Mom’s visit to Miami went very well.  My sister, T, and her partner, TK, fussed over her, fed her*, entertained her, and spoiled her for a week.  i went to meet TK and Mom at the airport on Friday, and was expecting to find Mom tired.

TK wheeled Mom up the jetway. When they emerged through the door, Mom was all smiles.  TK was huffing and puffing a little bit, due to the weight of the loaded wheelchair, and the steep incline of the jetway.

We shared hugs and tales of adventure.  i started wheeling Mom to baggage claim.  TK headed to her departure gate for her trip home.

It required a bit of dexterity to roll the checked suitcase, and Mom, out the door and into the parking garage, but i managed.  On the ride back to The Trailer Park, i learned more about the week.

daisyfae:  What did you think of the house?

Mom:  It’s just beautiful!  Easy to get around in, too.  T helped me into the shower, and even helped me wash up my feet.

daisyfae [shuddering at the thought of helping her naked, 84-year-old mother bathe]:  Great!  Did Thanksgiving go well?

Mom:  Oh, they were bickering a lot on Wednesday, but it was a nice meal.  Sorry I had to leave today, though.  I was looking forward to some of those leftovers.  T made us sandwiches for the plane, so I did get more of that ham.

And on it went…  Tales of an escaped cat, a manatee (and baby) near the dock, and feeding turkey bones to the fish.  She enjoyed the visit, appreciated all they did for her, and even said she wouldn’t mind doing it again!

daisyfae:  Well, i’m sure you’re looking forward to getting back home.

Mom:  No.  Not really.

We pulled in the driveway, and i helped Mom out of my car.  She made her way to the door, as i wrangled luggage and the wheelchair from the trunk.  Getting my arms untangled from the folded wheelchair, i was distracted by a commotion on the porch.

One of the three hounds had escaped, and my niece, DQ, her daughter, DQ, Jr. and the 5-year-old, DQ, III, were racing out the door.  Mom dodged them all, and dropped onto the lounge chair on the front porch.  Chaos!

One of their other dogs is a 3-year-old Sharpei.  This dog has had allergies, skin problems, and stinks like swampass most of the time, but she’s a sweet critter.  She’s been getting out of their backyard fence and running the neighborhood.  She joined in the festivities, and went bounding down the street after the other escapee.

i suggested DQ hop in my car, and that we try the old “Road Trip” doggie retrieval method.  We cruised to an adjacent neighborhood, where the dogs had disappeared a few moments earlier.  Gave us a chance to chat.

DQ:  I’m glad she had a good week with T.  I REALLY enjoyed the week off.

daisyfae:  Well, Mom wants to try it again.  We’ll make it happen in March or April if Mom’s up to it.

In the meantime, the dogs had disappeared.  We returned to the homestead, and found the dogs racing up a neighbors driveway.  DQ jumped out of the car, and chased the sprinting animals.  They bounded away, and she turned around – taking a vaudeville-style tumble on the way back.

Nothing broken, but some scrapes on hands and knees. She returned to the house and i continued to chase the dogs.  Using leftover cookie shrapnel from the floor of my car, i was eventually able to get the wayward animal back home.  The smelly Sharpei followed along… i gave her a bit of a cookie, too.

It was a madhouse when i opened the door.  DQ pissed off at the dogs, and wiping her scraped knees with a towel, DQ, III howling in sympathy, offering band aids.  Mom trying to sit, without tripping over the dogs.  Television blasting at “eleven”.

DQ  [referring to the Sharpei] :  I swear, I’m going to have to put that damn dog down!  She’s losing her hair again, smells awful and she just won’t stay inside the fence.  I don’t care if she gets out!  Tired of chasing her!  Maybe if she gets hit, she’ll at least be going on her own terms, you know?

Figuring that the best thing to do at this point was disappear, i hugged Mom, said my goodbyes.  i’ve suggested finding an animal rescue organization before.  There was too much noise to bring it up again.

As i drove away, had to wonder if DQ’s approach to animal care makes Mom a little nervous…

* When she visits me, i give her fresh fruit and a bagel for breakfast.  They were dishing up cooked-to-order omelettes, served by the pool on the lanai.  Show offs…

Trailer Park “Lamebook”

Lamebook provides a concise “Worst Of” summary for Facebook commentary.  Delivering daily affirmations that there is truly no lower boundary for human stupidity.  As if we needed more than this
Scanning my Facebook status updates over the weekend, i stumbled upon examples from my niece, DQ, that made me cringe.  Not quite the “way too much information” variety, there were a couple posts in one day that succinctly captured two key trailer park traits. 
The first:  Spend what you ain’t got, then spend some more….  My niece, DQ, doesn’t work.  Still claiming ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ from events that transpired with her ex-husband almost 10 years ago, she breaks out in hives at the suggestion of external employment.  Her current husband, BJ, is hardworking and skilled, but has been unemployed for nine months.  Through his unemployment compensation, along with sporadic short-term jobs, he’s managed to keep the bills paid.  Just barely…
Needless to say, they have no discretionary income.  Mom is still encamped in their living room.  Facebook status.  Last week. 

DQ Christmas shopping online today and maybe off to the stores tonight. I can’t wait to put up our tree!!!

Friend1:  Everyone is feeling the spirit early this year! I love it!

daisyfae:  i thought you were just going to give Granny* a green blanket and throw some ornaments on her?

Cousin1**:  Be nice daisyfae. She’ll haunt you forever!

Cousin2**:  I guess the remodeling won’t be done by Christmas? You had said that you hoped so … I thought perhaps that was an ambitious schedule …

DQ:   I told her I was going to hang garland around the bottom of her bed.  It looks like she’ll be here for a while longer.  We are going to start in the spring.  BJ has been busy and her house still has so much stuff to go through!

The second:  Inappropriate parental encouragement.  Although i gotta admit, the kid is cute.  This is DQ, III, spawned of DQ and BJ a couple years ago.  Another generation of trailer park goddess in training…. she’s doomed. 

Hooker heels & cappuccino

 * My Mom.  She’s been living on a twin bed in DQ’s living room since pacemaker installation in July.  The plan was originally for DQ and BJ to build a house in the country.  Whoops!  Requirements creep meant they couldn’t qualify for a construction loan.  The next plan?  Build a “small” addition onto Mom’s house, and move the entire mess of them over there.  Except there was a bit of requirements creep there, too… it became a “double the square footage in the house” exercise, and the project stalled for reasons i don’t fully understand… hence my smart-assed comment about using my mother as a Christmas tree this year.  But, Mom is happier in some ways now that she has family around her… Perils of benefactors, blessings of parasites… again…

** Two cousins, who know Mom is a bit crotchety… but not as bad as their mother… not by a long shot!