Met up with an old friend for lunch today at her favorite restaurant, which happens to be near a very busy intersection across from a smelly and gigantic shopping mall.

As i hopped in the car and headed out, my brain started working through my ‘errand list’* – figuring out which stop i could make, while still getting back to work reasonably on time. Stopped at a traffic light, i noticed two young boys on bicycles across the intersection.

Ten year old boys, small bikes, riding in traffic, preparing to turn into the mall parking lot. “Jeeebus H. Hotwheels Christ! Who** would let a kid ride on this street?” As they rounded the corner into the mall, they headed directly toward a large flock of Canada Geese dropping poo in the driveway.

As i’ve mentioned before, these winged pests have become quite a nuisance in the region. Formerly endangered, they are protected under the Migratory Waterfowl Act, and are free to leave slimy minefields of goose turds wherever their tasty little goosehearts desire.

As you can tell, i’m not crazy about these particular critters.

The annual battle of “Man vs Goose” rages on at my place of work. Not only do we have decoy coyotes parked strategically outside the building, but there is a loudspeaker that blasts “Goose in Distress” calls about every 15-20 minutes, to deter the feathered fuckers from camping out in the area. Neither have been particularly effective….

Watching the boys ride into peril, mother hormones kicked in. i was afraid the kids would roll the bikes – or worse – stop in the middle of the road, and get clocked by the line of cars preparing to turn into the drive behind them.


What’s a ten-year old boy on a bike – staring at a gaggle of geese in the roadway – going to do? Ride faster, and directly toward the flock! The flying rats scattered onto the grass like buckshot within seconds. By the time the cars entered the driveway? Geese and boys were well out of the roadway.

Note to my management: Perhaps the best geese-deterrent we could deploy next year would be to augment the workforce with some ten-year olds on bicycles. Listening to the sounds of happy, bike-riding commandos would beat the hell out of listening to “goose in distress” all day long…

* One of the most frustrating things about working, and being single, is that there is no one share the errands. Since many errands must be handled during the same business hours i’m expected to have my ass at work, lunch hour is prime time for knocking out a run to the bank, or a visit to the insurance agent…

** i’ve recently learned that my own young spawn rode his bike along the same stretch. Somehow, he managed not to get hit… by either me, or traffic.