i’ll just sit here. quietly. in the dark….

There are extensive written rules regarding airline travel.  Certainly in the US, we are given gigabytes of information on the ‘do’s and don’t’s regarding our behavior in and around airplanes.

That shit is easy.

Don’t carry liquids through security.  Ticket and photo ID at check in.  Take your shoes off for no rational reason whatsoever.  Allow yourself to be visually raped at the TSA checkpoint.  Don’t joke about “bombs”, even if you’re just talking about the most recent any Jennifer Aniston film.

It’s the unwritten rules that are constantly violated.  They’re not written down – but these are common sense, polite behaviors.  Things that fall into the “do unto others…” genre.

Oh, let’s take a hypothetical example.  Early morning “O-dark-thirty” flights.  Commuter jet, with perhaps twenty sleep-deprived humans aboard.  If the flight is leaving at 6 am?  NO ONE climbing on board this flight slept past 4 am.

Passengers sleep on these flights.  Flight attendants are careful with the announcements.  With the beverage cart.  With the lights.

Someone apparently forgot to inform Mr. Yappy McDickweed about this before my flight this morning.

He was seated behind me, across the aisle.  An older gent, in business attire.  His cute, young female co-worker in the seat next to him.

This oxygen thief did not stop talking for two solid hours.  Pre-departure, i was willing to cut him some slack.  It was when he jacked up his personal volume to compensate for the engine noise that i realized that he was an endurance mouth-alete…

After we cleared 10,000 feet, i snagged two napkins from the beverage cart.  Leaning into the aisle, i made a production number out of rolling them into tight plugs and then stuffing them in my ears.  A few disdainful glances over my shoulder for good measure.

i  managed to get in about 30 minutes of sleep, interrupted by his snorts as he laughed at his own jokes.  His companion was of no  help. Equally oblivious.

On arrival at the gate, he was still going – full bore.  Standing up as the ‘seat belt’ light went off, i turned around to face him – and caught a half a dozen other passengers glaring at him as well.

Making full  use of my training as a thespian, i pulled the improvised ear plugs from my ears – with a deep sigh and exaggerated eye roll.  My passive aggression fell on a deaf and blind man, however.

He never missed a beat as he regaled his young seat-mate with tales of past corporate glory.

The moral of this story:  Passive-aggressive behavior is ineffective.  i should have hauled off and punched him.

image found here. and if you enjoy passive aggressive refrigerator notes, check out this site.  But the mother lode of passive aggressive notes is right here.