Snow Dog

From the “Canine Life Partner” files…

We got 1/4″ of ice, followed by about 7″ of snow on Tuesday evening.  It’s beautiful.  Since dogs love snow – at least mine does – The Boy and i wanted to get him out to play.  Being in a condo means i can’t just turn him loose in the back yard – so we let him venture out on the deck…

Cracker Dog attempting to dig through the deck

Cracker Dog attempting to dig through the deck

Dewlaps for the ages...

Dewlaps for the ages...

Special... "short bus to obedience school" special...

Special... "short bus to obedience school" special...

We laughed our asses off as we watched him romp, dig, snort and spray snow all over the place… His next move?  He unleashed a massive steamer on my deck.  Melting down through the snow…  Technically, it’s outside.

Dogs.  They are simply marvelous…

Plowed…

During the past two days, i’ve spent hours with a shovel, doing battle with the elements.  i have absolutely no idea why it is so important that i excavate my driveway – which is roughly the size of a basketball court.  Some degree of “fear of entrapment”, combined with my sense of homeowner responsibility.  Perhaps just a touch of “i don’t want to be skating on ice nuggets for the rest of the week when i walk out to get the mail” thrown in for good measure.

Yesterday, i managed to clear about 4″ of the heavy, wet stuff in just about an hour.  This morning, there was an additional foot of snow on the ground, so i bundled up and chipped away at it.  An hour and a half later, i’d made it a third of the way towards the as yet unplowed street.  Having no feeling left in my nose, it was time to regroup.

Midday, i finished round two – another 90 minutes of “woman against nature”.  First, i removed the extra 3″ that had fallen onto the previously cleared section, and then tackled the untouched portion – drifting to 2′ in spots.   i’d made it past mid-court, with about a third of the driveway left to go.   Regrouped yet again as i couldn’t feel my right hand…

i just finished round three – still not quite there, but only a few feet to go.  This time, i’m just worn out.  i’ll need to go out later anyway and remove the “plow turds” from the end of the driveway should the city trucks ever make it back this way… so i’ll just finish up then.

Although there is a general sense of futility when shoveling snow during a blizzard, there is some degree of satisfaction.  I felt strong, looking behind me and seeing progress.  Comfort, knowing that i’m self-sufficient and independent.  Thankfulness, knowing that i’m healthy enough to push a shovel.

…and total fucking annoyance at the sound of snowblowers.  Yuppie bastards.

Tomorrow, after the snow stops, i’ll head across the street to tackle Mrs. E’s driveway.   i hope to hell some of my yuppie bastard neighbors show up with those annoying snowblowers…  or maybe a couple of Boy Scouts?

It could be worse.  This is what Mr. Pickles encountered on the back deck as he attempted to relieve himself this morning.  Can’t imagine having to take a leak in snow up to the ol’ junk…  Brrr…

mrp_snowdog.jpg

 

 

Post-script:  the city plows came during the night, and i managed to clear my escape route driveway.  as i was finishing up, and preparing myself mentally to tackle Mrs. E’s driveway, her son arrived in his BubbyTruck, complete with the Mother of All Snow-Blowers…  Halle-fucking-lujah!  A hot shower, more coffee and the Sunday paper!

“Give me 12″ and make it hurt…”

“so i screwed her 3 times and bit her in the shoulder…”

[ba dum DUM]

 __________________

Snow.  Again / Still.   Actual blizzard conditions* out there…

This time, the prognosticators of icy death and destruction started early in the week, working themselves into a frothy frenzy of frozen fanaticism by this morning…

Me?  I’m grabbing a book and heading back to bed. 

blizzard_of_oz.jpg 

“There’s no place like home….”

___________

* The National Weather Service defines a blizzard as sustained 35 mph (56 km/h) winds which leads to blowing snow and causes visibilities of ¼ mile or less, lasting for at least 3 hours.  Check.

getting really (c)old…

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icedog.jpg
Is it spring yet?

More snow and ice.  There was a magical moment this morning at 6:00 am – opening my tired eyes to watch the extensive list of closings on the morning news – and patiently waiting through over 200 listings to learn that we’d been granted a 2 hour delay in reporting to work!

Joy!  It felt like a “snow day” from school!  i re-set the alarm and snuggled back into the pillows for much needed sleep… An additional 4″ of snow fell overnight, coated with 1/4″ of freezing rain during the day.

As lovely as it looks from my front window – a skating rink made of vanilla frosting – i’m getting tired of the cold.  We usually have one ridiculously warm weekend in late February that drives me wild with Spring Fever.  That is the weekend where i am notorious for searching the classified ads for used motorcycles…

With March around the corner, maybe i’ve dodged my annual bike lust-a-thon and will drop right into my early spring ‘i neeeeeeeed a sailboat’ frenzy.  Yeah, it’s just ‘stuff’… but stuff that gets me out breathing and moving.  And after a winter of mostly sitting on my ass, i am hungry to play in the sunshine.  Palm Springs was such a tease…

Snow days are nice, but there’s no substitute for summer vacation!

If you can’t stand the heat (cold?)…

More snow this morning – gorgeous, light and fluffy powder.  Total of maybe 6″, but with a brisk wind, sculpted drifts were forming!  The office opening was delayed, giving me time to shovel…

I was in a rather spectacular mood by the time i hopped in the shitmobile to go to work.  My other car (aka the true love of my life) is a rebuilt ’83 jeep cj-7 <grunt, scratch> but the roads weren’t bad enough to need ground clearance or 4WD, so off i went on unplowed streets – fishtailing a bit as i turned the corner just for fun!

The mood was stolen from me when i encountered the first Snow Pussy.   You know ’em.  They drive 5 mph on merely wet pavement, straddling 2 lanes… white knuckles firmly gripping the steering wheel, eyes like saucers, they can plug up traffic for miles.  They can’t park properly when the lines are obscured by snow – either pulling in about 4′ away from the nearest car, or parking at a rakish angle, throwing off alignment for an entire row.

They’ll be all over my damn TV-tube tonight on the local news, clearing grocery store shelves in a rabid pack in case we get more snow…

All i can say is this:  Move. 

If you don’t like snow, you should go somewhere without snow.  Maybe florida (but then you’d just whine about hurricanes, alligators and cubans).  Maybe the southwest (but you’d just whine about scorpions, rattlesnakes and mexicans).  How about just back under a big damn rock somewhere?

But i recaptured the mood again tonight.  Grabbing a shovel, and sneaking to the house of the widow next door – and no, for those of you of a certain age, she has not been married seven times before – i was able to shovel a little more snow.  You’d be amazed at how difficult it is to do this quietly… 

Mrs. E, my neighbor, is 80 years old.  This autumn, due to work overload, and not having my slave-laborers children home, i was racing against darkness to get my leaves bagged… Mrs. E showed up behind me with a rake to pitch in… And earlier tonight, i saw her out shoveling a path so she could get her trash to the curb.

Snow Pussies?  Take that… if Mrs. E can deal with it, then i think you can too.  Bunch of stinkin’ babies.