The Wisdom of Youth

Starting to think about packing for my trip to Seville, Spain – where i will spend a week trying to avoid arrest visiting with azahar and nursemyra.   i leave on Wednesday afternoon, which means i’ll start packing that morning.  As a seasoned “road warrior” i know how to get my shit packed* – but for an extended international trip, i will generally put some thought into what i need to bring a few days prior**.

With major weight loss over the past few years, coupled with my deep-rooted hatred of anything that relates to shopping, i realized*** that i have no jeans that actually fit me.  Yesterday, in the middle of a thousand other errands, i stopped at the store to purchase jeans.  Did i mention i despise shopping?  That’s what the internet is for, damn it!

In the dressing room, swearing at the ghost of Levi Strauss, i was tugging on a pair of jeans – somewhere between the high-waisted “Mom” jeans with pleats and elastic at the waist and the low-rise “Muffin Top Generators” that cannot be worn by anyone over the age of 15….  The Girl called.  Doing a bastardized form of one-legged yoga, i took the call since she’d been sick, and we hadn’t talked recently.

Explaining that i was in the midst of picking up some clothes for the trip, she dropped the following:

The Girl:  You need to look cute over while you’re there!  Pack fun clothes!  Bring home a hot Spanish Daddy for me.  [pause] With a hot Spanish son…

* Heh, heh, heh… she said “shit packed”…

** Relax, az– 20 bags of Orville Redenbacher’s Smartpop– plain – procured, and ready to go!   In ziploc bags, of course.  Your popcorn mule stands ready to deliver the goods.  Now, if they ever make this shit illegal, we’ll have to chat – i ain’t swallowing them inside of condoms or anything!  Might get “popped” by the x-ray machine at the airport!

*** i only realized this because a friend called me “satchel britches”, noting that my jeans had enough room in the back for a troupe of performing midgets.  “But i like these jeans! i bought them for $5 at the thrift store a few years ago!…  um… right… guess it’s time, huh?”