Let’s talk about failure

Not always at the top of the conversation list, it’s something that happens to all of us. This week, i stumbled and fell – a little unexpectedly – and my reaction was also a bit unexpected.

i am required to complete a 13 month professional development course. It has been required for several years, but most of us played the waiting game – hoping the requirement would vaporize with changes in the front office. But alas, we could wait no longer as strong arm tactics were deployed. Small children would be maimed, puppies would be stomped and (shudder) blackberries demolished if we failed to comply.

Ouch

I knew better.  But i did it anyway…  Completely unprepared, i managed to stumble my way across 3.1 miles of pavement.  Just last October, i managed to do that plus 10 more in the half-marathon.  C’mon.  Shouldn’t be so hard….

It was a beautiful day, warmish weather, and i finished without humiliation.  No land speed records were broken, but neither were any body parts broken*, so it was a success…

Rather than beat myself up about my lousy condition, i am considering it the start of my training season.  Planning to get the bike out, and get my ass moving as the weather improves.  Running brings me no joy, but i’m committed to losing another 20 lbs before i head to Spain in late June… 3 lbs down, 17 lbs to go.  This pavement pounding thing is the most efficient way to do it.  So i shall run…

On the bright side, when doing these “fun run” events, there’s always a swag bag that you get on race day.  For a mere $15, i got to pound myself silly and picked up some consolation prizes!  The swag for today was lovely – although a big ass bar of dark chocolate would have sweetened the deal…

 

In addition to the event T-shirt, were the standard water bottle, memo pads, pens, refrigerator magnets and the like.  But my favorite bit of “Colon Bling” was the roll of toilet paper, with the “Wipe Out Colon Cancer” banner wrapped around it…

Almost worth the pain.  Almost…

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* mine or those of innocent bystanders…

Totally boss…

My boss is great – functional, perceptive, ethical and smart.  Most remarkably, he also has a great sense of humor*.  On the job for just over a year, he has started to figure out what that unpredictable hippy-chick on his staff actually does.  So far, i have apparently passed his initial ROI “pain vs performance” assessment, and i have not been sacked**.

But has he learned to read between the lines?

Boss:  The Director has asked for a Status Update on the Collaboration Workshop.  Have you been able to schedule a meeting with him?  Including the Equivalent Director Across the Street?

daisyfae:  The Equivalent Director has been elusive.  My colleague Across the Street has had great difficulty scheduling meetings.  We’re working it…

Translation:  i haven’t done shit with this since it happened – when the fuck did we do this?  October?  November?  Not only that, but i’ve completely forgotten why we did it in the first place, and suspect that if i spend a few hours rooting around in my e-mail graveyard i can resurrect some message traffic that will provide a necessary clue… without having to ask you to send me something from last year, thus revealing the magnitude of my ineptitude.

Needless to say, my colleagues Across the Street got the call today to provide a “Pre-‘Status Update’ Update” for the Equivalent Director, to bring him up to speed for a meeting that is resting comfortably on two executive calendars for a lunch hour next week. 

Stereo Rectal Extractions In Progress…

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* To understand someone, one of the first things i do is figure out what makes him laugh.  The boss passed this test with flying colors – covering the full spectrum from stupid potty humor to toss-off comments requiring intellect and agility to comprehend.  While he doesn’t directly make fun of members of our geek brigade, he has been known to stifle a snort should he overhear a “freak bashing” tirade.

** In any large organization, it can be difficult to fire someone.  Having done time as a supervisor, i am intimately familiar with the process.  It is difficult, can take years, and sucks for all involved.  As part of my professional therapy, i have often explored behaviors and scenarios which would get me fired on the spot.  Screwing a goat by the communal coffee pot?  Not on the list.  i’d simply be sent to counseling.  Probably with the goat….

Metamessages…

During the workday, i’m mostly on the move through a large building complex, spending much of my day on roving patrol, going from meeting to meeting.  i don’t carry a briefcase, and often won’t even have a pad of paper for notes, instead jotting memos directly into my blackberry to provide an electronic reminder of promises made…

On days when i’m not wearing slacks, or a blazer, i find myself without pockets.  Today was such a day… With back to back meetings being held at opposite ends of the complex – perhaps a half mile apart – i had strategically planned to stop at the cafeteria to snag a quick lunch en route.

Without pockets, or a notebook, i stuffed a twenty dollar bill into the most convenient carrying place a woman has in such a circumstance – my bra.  This is not unusual for me, as i have another odd habit -carrying my cell phone in my bra.*  When traveling, hotel room keys, discussion notes, rental car keys and other assorted shrapnel will end up there as well.**

Wearing a wrap dress, with moderate cleavage, i knew i could discretely retrieve the cash on my way to grab lunch.  Arriving a few minutes late for my earlier meeting, i snuck into the back of the room, gathering situational awareness before diving into the business at hand. 

As i joined the festivities, i couldn’t help but notice the gentleman to my left checking me out from time to time.  Since he was of the “non-troll” variety of male***, this was mildly flattering, and sort of picked me up, after the day got off to a bumpy start.

Of course, you guessed it… not only was the twenty sticking out of the right side of my bra, but my phone was clearly visible through the thin fabric on the left side.   i didn’t notice until i went to retrieve the cash as i turned the corner into the lunch room. 

Gives a whole new meaning to “dressing professionally”…

** sort of like a chipmunk.  with breasts…

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* yes, set on “vibrate”.  some days, i’d like to set it on “stun”. 

 

*** truly a rare animal in my workplace.  we are like a breeding zoo for nerds, dweebs and gentlemen who live in Mommy’s basement until they are 40 years old.

Windshield or Bug?

Without doubt, it is extremely satisfying to rant and rage about outrageous and stupid behavior.  In fact, this seems to provide significant fuel for the worldwide blogging community.  This is a good thing, as the release of anger and frustration may prevent workplace violence and road rage.  And, as an added bonus, it’s generally funny as hell…

As I was making my fourth boneheaded maneuver this morning – before I even made it to work – a teeny-tiny, very scary lightbulb appeared over my head…. 

On my way to a doc appointment before work, the “you’re an idiot and are about to run out of gas” warning light came on, making it urgent to find a gas station on unfamiliar turf.  Successful in my quest, i left the gas station and headed to work.  Not knowing the traffic patterns, i realized that with rush hour traffic it might be hours before i could make a direct left turn from the station.  I conceded defeat, signaled, and waited for an opening – planning a u-turn to recover.

As an unexpected opening appeared in both directions, I lurched into the gap, squealing my tires, turning left with my right turn signal blazing.  A fleeting glance in my rear view mirror gave a glimpse of the driver behind me – shaking his head in disbelief. 

He is, at this very moment, blogging furiously about the idiot bimbo in the pimp-gold shitmobile who should be banned from the roads, if not the entire planet.

And it wasn’t even 8:30 am….