This week, i’m at a major technology forum, held smack-dab in the middle of Silicon Valley – THE technology mecca, just 30 miles south of San Francisco. This meeting is a true sausage-festival, with perhaps 25 women amongst the 500 dark-suited dorks attending. Typical of such events was my first random encounter of the morning as i was elbowing my way to the giant vats of coffee in the back of the room:
Nerd: Hey, you’re daisyfae! Remember we met at Electro-Schlong Fest, 2003 in Cedar Rapids? You gave a very funny overview of small, high-tech business strategies*.
daisyfae: That’s right! You were the middle-aged guy with glasses wearing the gray suit! How could i forget? [knocks short man with mismatched socks away from coffee urn to snag a lifesaving slug of caffeine]
Despite the armada of celebrants sporting Quantum Wood, there have already been quite a few laughs amongst my more twisted brethren. The one that had me damn near squirting a suspiciously sticky cheese danish out of my nose was a shared e-mail exchange between two colleagues – one attending the session, and one back at the home office.
Titan of Industry (TI) is an old friend, who has done pretty well at the helm of a high tech start up. Despite good business performance during the shitty economy, his company is getting just as hammered as everyone else in the current stock market massacre. An employee back home sent him a note of condolence:
Employee X: You said you were out this week. If by any chance you are traveling by yourself on buisness and have been drinking from the minibar while watching CNBC, please get back off the ledge.
TI: I’ve just landed in the Bay Area. It’s very strange – fires are burning everywhere, and there is the stench of death in the air. The citizenry is running around screaming for their lives as packs of giant Dungeoness crabs are scouring the countryside seeking human flesh! Venture capitalists are stepping into the roadways, dousing themselves with gasoline, and lighting themselves on fire! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! Dogs are sleeping with cats! Oh, the humanity! Is this the end of days!?!
Employee X: Truly devastating, I feared as much. Somehow though we will all get through this together. Oh, don’t worry about the dogs and cats thing, that is normal for the bay area…
* It’s not that i’m anything special. i’m just an anomaly. Amidst a sea of gray, blue, black and yes, even brown, suits, there is a long-haired creature with breastages wearing red. They tend to notice… i’m blown away that at this particular dork-fest a mere 5% of the attendees have ovaries. We actually counted about 25 1/2 women here. Yes. One was of indeterminate gender…