No Parenting Awards: Holiday Edition

Scores and highlights from a very pleasant four-day weekend…

– Vegetative:  At least two full days of just getting “jammied-up” and expending the least amount of energy possible.  Two half-hearted trips to the gym (Thursday and Saturday) for a couple hours of cardio, but other than that?  Fuck it.  i’m eating cookies and fudge.  Really enjoyed the down time, playing pool and darts with my children and friends.  We watched movies until our eyeballs damn near fell out.  Perfect holiday.

–  Going to hell:  If there was a hell, i’d have reserved seating.  As would my children.  The Boy picked up a lovely decorative item for me, which looked like a tombstone when wrapped.  Making a rookie religious holiday error, he pasted the “R.I.P. Jebus” tag on it.  i had to explain he was born on Christmas, and died on Easter… Regardless, it made a fine addition under the tree.

– Retaliation:  Not to be outdone, The Girl crafted a pretty brilliant response in the style of wrapping for The Boy’s gift.  We’d gotten him pool cues.  Naturally, they lend themselves to a suitably blasphemous holiday wrappage.  This was mildly complicated by the fact that i attempted to wrap them on Christmas Eve.  After damn near a half bottle of single malt scotch had disappeared into my gullet.  But wrapped it was….

– Trailer Park Christmas:  Wasn’t horrible.  Best part was visiting with my niece, JS* and her partner RE.  They enjoyed the “pimped out rollator” i’d prepared for Mom.  RE had some fabulous additional suggestions.  Her first question was “Did you get her a matching helmet?”  A “Dukes of Hazzard” horn, undercarriage neon, tubthumpin’ bass speakers and spinner rims… perhaps something i can add next year.  Mom liked it, plus the bag of home made treats i brought her…  Will continue the war-gaming in January, but for now?  A holiday truce…

* JS is technically a “step-niece”.  She is the only daughter of my sister, S’s second husband, G – from his first marriage.  The “skinny transvestite stoner” dude who commited suicide in a deer stand, after first killing his fucking dog.  Yeah.  But despite the obvious challenges of her life, JS is a loving young woman!  Amazingly, the “trailer park” clan is the most stable influence she’s had in her life, and she considers us her family.  She and her partner, RE, rescue cats – and may well have successfully pawned one off on me…