Necessity is quite a mother

Just over two years since i moved into my condo… and it remains a home decorating disaster. 

With the assistance of a “Color Coordinator” person, i got some of it painted.  With the assistance of my daughterAmy Sedaris and a brown dog in a tuxedo, i managed to develop a plan for the living room.  Sort of…

Since last winter, i haven’t really made any progress – not counting the bit of finger painting that was created by a transient drunken youth in my basement.  The colors were ok, so i framed it and and parked it over the sofa until i find something else for that big ol’ empty space…

i really have no excuse, other than the fact that i’m lazy and really don’t care all that much about “stuff”.  i get annoyed with it from time to time, especially when  i open the drawers of my particle-board dresser and the entire thing sways precariously to the right because the quarter-inch bit of plywood on the back has broken and is no longer providing structural support.

Oops.  Gotta add a new chest of drawers to the list… When i get around to doing the bedroom.  One of these days.   Probably after i get a new dining room table.  And the wine cabinet/bar thingie i picked out last year.  Oooh, and hang that gorgeous bedspread that my Dad’s mother made for her wedding night.  And find something that is not a drunken finger painting for my living room wall.

Did i mention i’m lazy?

In fact, i’m so lazy, that it takes a concept that feeds my extreme laziness to get me off my ass to start moving on the next round of improvements.  Simple in concept, relatively inexpensive, and the project can probably be completed in about two hours worth of shopping, and thirty minutes of piecing together a bit of flat pack furniture.

It will be within arms reach of my bed.  i will be able to stretch a sleepy arm to my side, whack a button, and snag that first jolt of caffeine before my feet come in contact with the floor.  There is going to be a coffee bar in my bedroom.  i am THAT lazy…

Design drawings for the mechanical arm that brings a cup to my pillow-wrinkled face and pours a stream of life-giving caffeine down my throat will be considered from all qualified vendors…

and it’s a damn fine coffee, too!

Girls gone wild*…

For those of you playing along at home, you’ll remember that daisyfae is awful at decorating.  i moved into my new place in late August, but waited until January to even buy furniture for the living room – because i was counting on The Girl to help pick things out, and she was off in Beirut for fall term.

Vacuum Chamber

Vacuum Chamber

After she’d helped procure seating/tables, she offered to have a friend – trained in visual arts – put together a color palette so i could buy pillows.  And actual shit for the walls!  Woo hoo!  a Color Palette!  Prepared by another professional!  Feeling my ovaries, for sure!

This week, i bravely started to deploy Phase II of my Certified Color Strategy.  With a bottle of wine propelling me forward, i put a glaze/paint on the wall above the fireplace!  Much to my complete and total amazement, it looks ok.  This isn’t that hard… just develop a plan, and stick to it.  Better yet, have the plan developed for you…

The Girl and her friend apparently had taken some time over the weekend to work up my design suggestions.  Unbeknownst to me, she had taken a ‘boring’ shot of my living room on her last visit to town for a dental appointment.

Early American Asylum

Early American Asylum

Rather than just provide suggested colors, they worked up a collection of colors and decorative items that makes me anxious to get on with it all!  And i’m thinkin’ that Mr. Pickles the Wonder Dog is pretty happy as well…  Although why he’s not upset that Gollum has taken up residence on the deck is of some concern…

Come on 'a my house, come on a come on...

Come on 'a my house, come on a come on...

They’ve cleverly taken a page from my favorite source of decorating and entertaining advice, Ms. Amy Sedaris’ I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence.  Brilliant…

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* Sorry.  You ‘soft porn’ pervs looking for college-aged boobies are out of luck… Go back to surfing for “girl scout porn”.  You people are messed up.  Because of this post, i get at least 3-5 hits a week from some sock-stuffer looking for “girl scouts fucking”, “girl scouts naked” or worse… yeah, i know.  i’m the one who defiled the uniform.  glass houses and all that…