What’s that room for again?

It’s not that i can’t cook.  It’s just that i don’t.  Managing my caloric intake aggressively since January* further reduces the amount of time i spend in my kitchen.  My offspring are used to this, having encountered the empty pantry on more than one occasion. 

While i was out of town last weekend, there were two disasters at the homestead.  The first was an electrical short in an exterior electrical outlet.  That was pretty serious, and the servicing electrician suggested that it could have led to a major garage fire.  Got that fixed earlier this week.  Oh, and replaced all of the batteries in the smoke detectors just in case…

The second issue was the unexpected demise of the microwave oven.  i was relaxed and happy upon return from my second vacation in as many weeks, and wasn’t particularly worried about it.  Especially considering that the house didn’t burn down due to “Near Disaster #1”.  Replacing the microwave wasn’t at the top of my priority list.

Yesterday afternoon, however, i realized just how handicapped i am without that magical invention.  The simple process of making jello shots?  Requires boiling water.  Since the microwave was deader than a stump, i had to resort to figuring out how to turn on my stove and boil water.  In a pan?   Disruptive to my “jello shot fabrication process” to say the least… 

With both of the offspring camping out here this weekend, they were just as lost in the kitchen.  My position was that since there was absolutely nothing edible, nor cookable, in the house, it didn’t matter anyway.  Sound logic, i thought.  But The Girl picked up a cheap microwave while out running errands.  Should hold us over until i get the in-wall unit replaced… eventually. 

After putzing around a bit, she and i later dashed off to the grocery to pick up a few things**.  Unloading our purchases, we managed to restock the fridge, freezer and pantry – even throwing out the expired eggs and a few unrecognizable, shriveled green things mutating aggressively in the nether-fridge. 

The Boy emerged from The Man Cave and was astonished to find activity in the kitchen.  “What?  There’s not only food, but something to cook it with?  Have I emerged into a parallel universe?”

Duuuuude! Stay out of my CD collection....

Duuuuude! Stay out of my CD collection....

*25 pounds gone, 20 more to vaporize…

** She has been given the task of creating a “signature cocktail” for the upcoming wedding of a friend, and needed liquor, fruit and juices for experimentation… In the end?  A concoction of Chambord, Amaretto, Crown Royal and Cranberry Juice – spritzed with club soda – won the competition!  Two drinks later?  i’m thinking we should name it “Fuck Cooking!  Kitchens are for Distillation”, but that’s too long for the name of a drink…