Elvis is in the building… unfortunately.

One of the coolest things about working with community theater types is that “Can Do” attitude.  You know – “hey, everybody!  let’s turn that old grocery store* into a theater!  we can put on a show!”  OK.  “Can Do” with a super-sized side order of drama, whining and lack of organizational skills…

Such was my Saturday night.

There is a local Elvis tribute artist and bank vice president impersonator who offered to do a benefit event if we’d split the profits.  We did one of these in January, it sold out, and we made a few hundred dollars for running ticket sales, having ushers, doing lights and sound for one evening.

When he asked again?  Our Community Theater Prez said “sure”, and was working logistics.  Seemed to be pretty well taken care of, so none of us were paying much attention.  What we didn’t know?  Theater Prez was going to be out of town for the event.  Oops.  Didn’t find that out til Wednesday, so we had to scramble to get the event covered.

My amazing friend DK – who is the utility infielder, relief pitcher, designated hitter and savior of all things fucked up – pulled a box-office miracle, and re-set seating on the fly while dealing with a nearly sold out show.  i offered to usher.  “Elvis” brought his own sound system and staff, since we apparently screwed it up last time.  Lights?  Hmmm…

Our available light tech has extensive experience running the light board.  She’s 12 years old.  Her Mom asked if i would be able to work with her to identify “fast” or “slow” songs.  She’s bright, for sure, but at the ripe ol’ age of 12, she doesn’t know Elvis’ music and needed to know which light settings to use.

My plan was to usher, do the introduction, and run away**.  But we also needed someone to run spotlight.  So, in classic “Waiting for Guffman”*** style, i served as usher, did the curtain speech/introduction, then raced back to the tech booth to cue the little light goddess while chasing Elvis’ pleather-clad ass all over the stage with a spotlight.

Upon further consideration?  i should have just donated the damn $500 we made from the show…

* That’s exactly what we did.  The facility we are using – shared with the senior citizens center – was once a grocery store.  Our stage sits where the Produce section used to be…  “Lettuce” entertain you?

** Final exam for my professional development course was today – and i had to study all weekend.  Wanted to get home to keep studying, rather than listen to an Elvis.   Oh – I PASSED WITH A 92% !  Hot Fucking Damn!

*** From the people who brought us “Spinal Tap” and “A Mighty Wind”, there is the lesser known “Waiting for Guffman”, which rips small town theater people.  My favorite scene is a shot of the “orchestra pit”, where the drummer is also playing trumpet with one hand…  But there’s also this