At 19, i’d just completed my freshman year in engineering.  i was – to put it mildly – an underqualified wet-behind-the-ears doofus when i first walked though the doors of my current employer.  Upon graduation, rather than look for an actual job, i stayed on, accepting the perfectly adequate offer dropped unceremoniously at my feet. 

i grew up there.  Starting as a lab rat, washing expensive samples down the drain, meeting my husband in the laser test cells, graduating, breeding, making it through graduate school while working full time, stumbling and fumbling my way up the career ladder.  Over the course of 27 years, i’ve done virtually every job the organization offers to technical staff members – from “ground pounding experiment grunt” to management and strategic planning.

They were good to me.  Granted, i worked hard for most of that time – the last couple years being the exception.  Time off without pay to stay home with my babies, flexibility to pursue projects on the fringes of plausibility, opportunites to test boundaries and freedom to do the job in my own style – no one can ever accuse me of being a corporate drone

Today was my last day.  i am DELIRIOUSLY happy!  On Tuesday, i delivered my final product, which was a shotgun blast to the head of the zombie dinosaurs, also known as “F-Troop“.  It’s up to the management folks to behead the corpse and burn the remains to make sure there is no sequel.  It was satisfying to have the last word, in what amounts to a six year argument.  

So, in my fantasy world, this is what i really did on my last day in the office…

Except in my fantasy, the lottery ticket wasn’t a misprint!  For the record, i did utter “suck my big black dick!” as i left the building for the last time… A few of them have truly been “blisters on my taint”.

The door did not hit me in the ass on the way out.  Onward…