Mirror, mirror…

An unexpected visit from an old friend this week – she was flying into town on other business and took the opportunity to stop in and catch up a little.

We met somewhere along the way in our tweens – middle school, maybe?  Got much closer in late high school, and stayed connected through the college years and beyond.  We had an opportunity to meet last September, when she came to town for the 30th high school reunion.

Smart, accomplished, insightful and carrying the sort of professional responsibility that can break lesser souls.  She’s a police chief.  To me?  This is unimaginable stress, but she was born to do it.  Speaking of stress?  She birthed triplets almost 7 years ago, and is a devoted mother.

She arrived Thursday, after my busted business trip this week, and the ensuing lack of sleep… also lacking sleep due to her own set of airline travel disruptions due to weather.  We talked late into the night, through the exhaustion, over a couple of beers.  The sort of stream of consciousness babble that only old friends can manage…

Demons were presented, dissected, and studied.  Some old, some newer.  And a few still spewing fire, and hacking at us with sharp claws.

Discussing the perils of alcohol, and youth.  Binge drinking is a tremendous challenge to law enforcement officers, and she just dealt with an alcohol fueled death of a teenager.  i talked about my own challenges – dating back to the high school years.  And those of The Boy.  How i learned to manage them.  That he’s doing better…

daisyfae:  i had to learn my triggers. Know when i was susceptible.  Moments of stress, combined with a drinking environment.  But the key trigger?  Being with those few friends i trust with my life – knowing they will have my back when i lose the ability to make a rational decision.  i established ‘rules’ for myself.  Awareness.  i told those trusted friends what to watch for – lest they end up dealing with my sorry drunk ass again…  It works.

We continued the conversations the next day, digging in on our emotional walls.  Quite similar in our emotional inaccessibility, we have developed different strategies.  She has committed to one person – one alone has been let inside the fortress, and there shall be no others.  My approach?  Arms length, and a stiff arm at that.  Multiple companions, each with a built-in “barrier to committment”, i’m adept at keeping people out.

daisyfae:  To keep that distance, i’ve established some boundary conditions, in addition to those “barriers to commitment”.  Rule One has always been “no one spends the night”.  If you start having breakfast together?  It becomes all ‘relationshippy’.  Too intimate.  Too much like playing house. 

Chief K:  As long as you’re honest with all of them, I guess no one gets hurt.

daisyfae:  It’s part of the overall strategy, and seems to work.  So why have i invited Mr. X to stay over Saturday?  Not really just because he lives out-of-town… i think i’m reconsidering my rules.  Maybe it’s stupid and artificial, and i’m just kidding myself?

Chief K:  Rules aren’t always a bad idea.  You have the rules you place on yourself to avoid binge drinking…

daisyfae:  Yeah, that’s different.  That’s just to keep myself from getting hurt…

Chief K:  Ummm…. Yeah…

Tour de Farce

In general, i harbor no hard feelings toward him.  i had told him “i’m the easiest woman on the planet to dump – just don’t text or call me for a week, and i’m a ghost…”.  Can’t exactly be pissed off at him for taking me up on that offer.  An honest explanation would have been nice, though.

It was a couple years ago, and JC* was one of the first guys i dated after my divorce.  He was nice, funny and pretty laid back – we got along well for the six months or so that we were dating. He surprised me with one of the best dates ever, and we could make each other laugh.

It was quite casual.  Never invited him to the house.  He never met my children, nor did i meet his – and that seemed perfectly ok with both of us.  When i returned from a holiday in Spain, it was done.  When he didn’t reply to a text i sent, basically letting him know i was back in town?  i accepted the unspoken message, and moved on.

Not really a big deal…

About a year later, i spotted him on the bikeway – where i ride with my workout buddy, Studly McRocklegs**, on a regular basis.  He was riding with a female buddy – and i opted not to wave, or say anything.  Just a nod – same as i offer to any other on-coming cyclist.  The encounters became fairly regular on our weekday evening bike rides – and have continued during this cycling season.

Not so much as a smile, or a wave, exchanged.  We’re all out there for exercise, not socialization.  In the back of my mind, i’ve occasionally wondered if he remembers me***.  The schedule often has us headed westward as he and his buddy are headed eastward in the evenings.  With a bit of a downhill grade behind us?  We usually blow by pretty quickly, while they are chugging uphill. 

Hmmm…. Maybe he doesn’t recognize me because i’m a fucking blur?

Earlier this week, Studly and i got a late start on the bike ride.  Setting out shortly after 6:00 pm, i spotted them ahead of us early in the ride – and decided it would be a rather opportune time for a sprint!  Studly was riding at a good clip when we passed, but i pushed even harder, sprinting with everything i had – standing on the pedals to make sure my spandex-clad ass was highly visible to the riders we’d just passed!

Studly [gasping]: Where the fuck did that come from? What got into you?

daisyfae: [also sucking wind]: That was them – JC and his biking buddy. Wanted to shake my ass in the end zone a little bit!  Keep riding – let’s put up some distance.

Studly:  She looks a lot smaller…

daisyfae: Yeah, maybe she’s lost some weight.

We kept riding, getting a massive lead.  i was feeling pretty good about having had the chance to do a little celebratory butt shake.  Somewhere in my head, however, was a little doubt…

daisyfae:  Shit. What if that wasn’t them?  What if they’re still up ahead?

Studly:  I’m guessing we’ll have to do it again!

We had barely regained our breath about five minutes later, when i spotted them.  About 20 yards ahead of us.

daisyfae:  Fuck. You were right.  She hasn’t lost that much weight. That’s them…

Naturally, we caught up just as we were headed into the uphill portion of the trail.  Keeping sufficient distance through a busy street crossing, we turned on the steam and still managed to blow by at over 20 miles per hour – more than doubling their pace.  Not content to just blow their doors off, i had to keep going.  Oh, no, not stopping now!  Another half mile at full tilt, until we were safely around a corner.  They were dust.

Studly [hoarking up bits of his lungs]:  Now?  Can….. we….. please….. slow…. down?

daisyfae [head, heart and lungs nearing explosion]:  i… i…. [pant] think… [wheeeeeze] it’s….. clear….

In the end, it was simply one of our better workouts this week.  We hit the turning point, and managed a breezy passing on the way back.  Burned some calories.  Killed some gnats. 

And in the corner of my imagination where ego-fueled fantasies lie?  i dished out a serving of “There!  i’m in shape and badass!  That’s in your face for not having the balls to tell me you didn’t want to go out with me again…”

This time of year, my chest becomes a dead gnat collection system. So very sexy, isn't it? This is what you walked away from, buddy!

* No, not THAT “JC”.  From what i hear, he’s a bit of a mama’s boy, and doesn’t date much…

** After reading the draft, my bike buddy insisted i give him this particular call sign.  He does have a rather spectacular bum and legs…

*** In my more arrogant moments?  i’m pretty damn sure he remembers me…

Hearts afire

He wasn’t actually my “high school boyfriend” – i wasn’t the “girlfriend” type*.  We went out a few times during my senior year, and spent some time together that summer before he left for the Army.  We continued to see each other my freshman year in college – with him visiting on weekends when he had passes, and wheels, to allow him to drive the six hours to my university.
 
It didn’t end particularly well.  Turns out, he’d spend a weekend with me, and then scoot off to spend a couple days with my ex-roommate, Cheri.  Shortly thereafter, we had a rather nasty break up.  Within a few weeks, i met (and moved in with) my husband.  i lost touch with him for almost 30 years.
 
We tripped over each other a few years back, and were able to have a pleasant dinner together, catching up on the decades that had flown by in the blink of an eye. 
 
Army Ranger:  I’ve thought of you so many times over the years.  I was awful, and you were so sweet to me.  Remember how you wrote me letters every day when I was in boot camp?  Those letters meant the world to me.  I’m really sorry I treated you so badly. 
 
daisyfae:  i’ve thought of you through the years, too.  Remember that night i busted you with Cheri?  When i walked three miles to her apartment, carrying that big bag full of all the shit you’d ever given me?  How i threw it in the back of your truck and walked home?  i’m really sorry i didn’t set it on fire first. 
 
Last week, while visiting the Trailer Park, he saw me at Mom’s while working his shift with the county water department.  i got a note from him on my facebook page, followed by an invitation to get together for dinner again… 
 
The last dinner was so much fun, i think i’m going to have to accept.  My choice of restaurant this time – a little dive called “Fat Chick’s Revenge”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* Some things never change…

In the name of justice…

It’s not often that i end up at a “Chamber of Commerce” event in my little suburb, but the planets aligned last Thursday.  i had been out with my ‘breast cancer drinkin’ grannies’, and one of them suggested we crash the Chamber event in order to eat dinner and drink for free continue our holiday celebration.   

Seemed a grand plan to me…  

As i was stumbling making my way towards the bar, i literally stepped on the legs of a man, kneeling in order to speak to people seated at a table.   

Kneeling Man:  Ah-HA!  You fell for me!  

daisyfae:  Not so fast, buddy.  Stand up and let me get a better look at you…  

And so the flirtation began… An attorney, running for judge.  Which in my part of the world means “Republican”, as there hasn’t been a non-Republican elected official in the county for decades.  We chatted.  Once he realized i was on the prowl single, he proceeded to launch through the “pick up” questions… enquiring about my tastes in music, film, etc.  

Even a social moron like me could track this one:  He’s considering asking me out…  

In order to deliver my son and a friend to a holiday party, i excused myself early, but gave him a business card on the way out the door.  i relayed my adventures to my son and his friend in the car, en route to their party.  

daisyfae:  So, i think i’m going to get asked out by an attorney, who is likely to be elected as judge this year…  

The Boy:  You should absolutely go out with him… you don’t have a lawyer in your stable.  

daisyfae:  Yeah, but i’m not sure i could fuck a Republican*.  

The Boy:  But Mom, it might mean the difference between “Ten to Life” and “Probation”…  

daisyfae: …..  

If the dude looked like Billy Flynn? My kid would have been hitch hiking...

  

 * For what it’s worth, i have no issues with thinking conservatives – and no, it’s not an oxymoron.  i know a few.  It’s the folks who have co-opted the Republican party, and revel in their “narrow-minded, bible-thumpin’, intolerant and proud of it” way of existence that make me cringe….

Dated

Last weekend, i dropped in on a rather festive event… Following the premiere of a locally produced film, the after-party was held at a club downtown.  My friend, joey london (engineer, artist, DJ and eclectician extraordinaire) invited me to join the mash up.  Seems the best dance DJ in the area had planned a special treat, and joey guaranteed it’d be worth the trip.

It was a combination DJ (house/techno), live horn and percussion section on stage, and members of the local contemporary dance company joining forces for a massive throw down!  i went solo, figuring i’d meet up with friendly faces at the club.  The performance?  A complete marvel… the dancers were athletic, creative and gorgeous!  The music?  i couldn’t sit still!

At the end of the show, the dancers dragged us onto the floor for an ‘all skate’, and i hit it hard!  Danced my way through the crowd, hip-hopping with the hip-hoppers and going pogo-rific with the punks!  Fifteen minutes of sheer physical joy before the set finished and the stage was cleared for the next band.

As i stumbled off the dance floor, mopping the sweat from my head, i heard “Damn, woman!  You’ve got some energy!” and turned to see a nice looking young man grinning at me.  He offered to buy me a beer, and joined me at my table.  By way of honest declaration, i let him know that i’m damn near 50.  He didn’t budge… He’s mid-30’s, good looking and athletic.

We talked, and much to my surprise, he was clearly interested in chatting me up.  Asked about a boyfriend… i explained that i’m a bit of a ‘free range chicken’.  He then surprised me with the following question:  “Do you date black men?”  i’m not sure why it surprised me.  i’d accepted a beer, had offered to let him join me at my table…

He looked a little anxious as i slowly formulated my answer: “i date people.  It’s not an issue.” 

We continued to chat, agreed to maybe meet up for reggae, i gave him my number, and headed home.  Post-processing the conversation, i was still a little befuddled by the question.  i guess it makes sense.  Figuring he just wanted to get it out there and save himself a potential headache if it wasn’t in the realm of the plausible.  And i guess there are plenty of women who accept a beer from someone they clearly have no interest in talking to again*… 

i dunno.  i thought we were past this… i was a little put off by his relative youth.  Not his skin color…  Weird…

it's like invisible ink...

* i’ve refused drink offers in bars if it’s simply someone i don’t want to talk to.  i think that’s the right thing to do.  A friend of mine lives by the credo that “I should drink for free!” and is generally successful…  i’ve seen her let all manner of aliens and toothless briars buy her beer.  This shit is still a bit of a mystery to me.  i suck at dating….

Coug-Are You?

A brief e-exchange with an old friend today regarding cougar barbie video….  A very sexy, charming and engaging old friend… and before he retired and moved away, we had a happy, friendly and perfectly-appropriate little flirtation! 

Sexy Retired Friend (SRF):  I’ll bet this is on your wish list………

daisyfae:  Nope. C’mon. You know I like older men!

SRF: Yea, but see what you are missing–all of those young “Kens” looking for that special Cougar to turn her into jello……….

daisyfae:  They’re boring. Who wants to hear about their silly little dreams? I like men who have given up on all that.  Bitter, washed up, and thinking their best days are behind them.  To them I may represent their last hope of something wild.

SRF:  Very well said and yes I agree!

daisyfae:  damn.  i am one cold woman…

forget doing the yard work... i've got something else you can mow!