Odometer Reading

18,994 days.

My heart has beaten approximately 1,899,540,442 times in total.

i have taken approximately 417,523,886 breaths in total.

The moon has orbited the earth 695 times since i was born.

30,592,757,589 miles – the distance i have traveled as the Earth revolves around the Sun.

My finger hovered over the ‘submit’ button, but i’d already missed the deadline to apply for early retirement, at least for the current offering.  “Once you submit your retirement application, it is irrevocable.”

Perhaps it’s a good thing i missed the deadline this time.  Perhaps i’m not quite ready yet.

The job i have is amazing.  i’ve returned to my wheelhouse – science and technology program management.  Getting ideas from “proof of concept” into the realm of “prototype”. Serving as translator between scientists and customers . A necessary function, and i’m good at it.

But i keep thinking about those heartbeats…  Those breaths…  Those miles….

Not a milestone birthday, but today i start my 53rd year on Earth.  At best i have 25-30 years left.  During a good portion of those years, i will run into more physical limitations. Within the next ten years the motorcycle will certainly have to go, horseback riding will cease, and adventure travel may start to include the occasional comfy cruise…

My chances to hike into Machu Picchu through the Sun Gate decrease with each passing year.

i spent the evening doing motorcycle maintenance.  Changing out a dead thermostat on the ’91 Suzuki.  Coolant flush.  Oil change.  And thinking through the future.. Not so much “What’s next?”, but “When?”

Zen and The Art of...

And wondering… “How many heartbeats do i have left?”

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*Calculations extracted from this page.    Highly recommend running your own numbers…

Birthday Gift – Mystery Theme

My children did it again…  The Boy came home this week for a birthday celebration, as i turned 49* on Thursday.  They are prone to coming up with clever themed gifts.  This year was no exception – but they made me guess.

Clockwise, from the left:  A book (“Packing for Mars”), which was not part of the theme, but an actual gift.  Disco Party gift bag, covered with a pirate hat.  Criminal Profiling kit.  Four pack of Fin du Monde beer, one opened.  Five tic tacs, wrapped in plastic.  A party blower, on a chain.  A laundry bag, labeled “Soiled”.

It took me far longer to get this than it should have, as the pirate gear threw me off course, as did the name of the brewery that makes Fin du Monde (Unibroue – pronounced “unibrow”).

daisyfae:  What?  Making fun of my facial hair?  Really?  REALLY?

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the theme is “Date Rape”, bestowed upon me in honor of my recently earned status of “Roofie Survivor“.  The laundry bag is for wrecked clothing/evidence, the blower is a rape whistle (because they couldn’t find a slide whistle), and of course the detective kit is to help find the culprit.

i asked about the pirate hat.

The Boy:  It’s for prevention!  No one is going to try to date rape some idiot wearing a pirate hat!  The Girl disagreed, but I just thought it completed the gear.

After i slammed the opened beer — waste no Fin du Monde, it is yummy — we headed out for dinner.  Followed that up with a few rounds of billiards in the basement, and a whole lot of goofiness. 

Happy.  Very happy.

~~~~~~~~~

* More on the rest of my birthday when i have a bit more free time… it was delicious, but i’ve been slammed all week and it looks like more of the same this weekend…

I’m not quite dead yet…

Clearing my e-mail before bedtime, i was rattled by the appearance of this obviously targeted pop-up advertisement on my screen:

Senior people?  Oh, for fuckssake, i’m only 48…  Do i look like a senior citizen?  Doesn’t that start when you’re, like, sixty or something?

Granted, when i turned 47 last year, i started telling everyone i’d turned 50.  My logic is bullet proof.  Once you reach 47, you are no longer in your “mid-forties”.  You officially enter your “late-forties”, and if you tell someone you are in your “late-forties”, they will assume you are a lying sack of shit in denial, and are really fifty. 

So why not go ahead and round it up?

The idea of an on-line dating site for folks over 50 is fine.  But why is their sample chat so damn lame?   “Do you like movies?”  “Yes, all types!  Care to join me?” says the suave and debonair* “LadiesMan”.  Yeah.  i can’t wait to get my hands on that piece of studliness…  When i’m in my 50’s i can damn near guarantee i’ll be a bit more direct – why waste time with small talk, when the clock starts to tick a little louder?

LadiesMan:  Hi!  I like your profile!

50sGal:  You have any medical problems?  Heart trouble?  Un-corrected ED?  How are your teeth?  Latex allergies?

LadiesMan: Would you like to see a movie with me?

50sGal: [offline]

Got this in an e-card from a friend, and this is probably a little closer to where my mental state lies at the moment.  i had one helluva birthday weekend, thankyouverymuch!  This rolling stone ain’t gathering no moss.  At least not yet…

* pronounced “soo-AH-veh and de-BONE-er”…

If we couldn’t laugh…

Another birthday.  Just a little over a week into June, and it’s already been a long month.  Despite some difficult moments over the past few weeks, my kids came through with another epic birthday card.

Note: i am not - at present - a grandmother.

Inside view:

For reference, my son has signed all cards with his first and last name since he was a small boy.

The presentation was topped off by them both rubbing their bellies: “Hmmm…. feels like a little soccer player” and “Guess who’s fireman wasn’t wearing a hat?”

Thanks, kids.  You turned out ok, despite my piss-poor parenting skills.  i’m a happy ol’ lady tonight.

If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane…

The Morning After

 i have delicious friends.  i also have an issue at the moment with a gentle pounding in my brain.  tequila.  it was dinner.  happy birthday to me.  ow… 

Was very surprised last week when some family photos appeared in Facebook-world.  Many photos i’d never seen before.  Over the weekend, a cousin began the tedious process of scanning in photos from her mother’s photo albums.  And there we were…  Nice way to celebrate my 47th birthday.  Well, posting photos is easier than writing while still ensconced in a tequila-induced hangover cloud…

Shhhh…. please read quietly.  ow…

that is either a flaw in the photograph, or i was tethered to the ceiling by a small rope through my nose.  either is possible...

that is either a flaw in the photograph, or i was tethered to the ceiling by a small rope through my nose. either is possible...

 
 
 L-R: Sister T, Dad, Sister S, Brother T, daisyfae sporting a turd-filled diaper, Mom

L-R: Sister T, Dad, Sister S, Brother T, daisyfae sporting a turd-filled diaper, Mom

 

Family Pouting Contest, 1967.  My brother lost.  i earned bonus points for sweating profusely.  That's me in the orange...

Family Pouting Contest, 1967. My brother lost. i earned bonus points for sweating profusely. That's me in the orange...

 

i'm going to grow up to be a twisted, cold-hearted woman, writing trash about my family.  mom knocked out my teeth.  wanna buy my gerbil? 

i'm going to grow up to be a twisted, cold-hearted woman, writing trash about my family. mom knocked out my teeth. wanna buy my gerbil?