Overcoming the Dinosaur Brain

The workshop ended at noon, and after another hour lazing by the Atlantic, i wandered into the poolside restaurant for a late lunch.  Ordered a Mediterranean tapas plate, glass of pinot grigot and settled in with my book at a table with an ocean view.

Slow, late lunch crowd.  Other than an older couple at the bar and a chatty pair of women across the restaurant, the place was virtually deserted.  Sitting alone in a restaurant doesn’t bother me much, so i returned to my book.

They wandered in, looking a little lost.  Him?  Late 20’s, dark, frothy hair, smart-boy glasses and a chin that was inexplicably recessed and strong, with a cleft covered in 24 hours worth of stubble.  Just a shade short of handsome, he looked pretty average. 

Her?  Natural blond, porcelain complexion and a perpetual scowl on her face.  Fine features, high cheekbones – she’d be almost beautiful, except for the slight ‘pan-face’ structure.

Attractive enough couple that i’d watch their amateur porn videos for free, but probably wouldn’t pay for it…

Seating themselves at a table near mine, they snuggled over the menu and placed an order with the barkeep.  Having chatted up this barkeep previously about varieties of Puerto Rican rum, he stopped by to bring me a fresh glass of wine for free.  Nice buzz developing…

One of five restaurants in an extensive resort hotel complex, the service hasn’t been particularly swift.  i returned to my book.  Out of the corner of my eye, i noticed that she had sprawled out on the long bench seat, resting her head in his lap.

He draped his right arm over her neck, reaching back with his hand, gently stroked her blond hair.  Cradling her head in his lap, he picked up his book in his left hand – a 3 inch thick Tom Clancy brick* – and began to read.  He continued to stroke her hair in an absent minded manner. 

Like a lightning bolt from a clear blue sky, there it was.  An alien thought appeared in my brain – so striking in its abnormality that it flashed brightly, demanding my attention like a high definition billboard.

“i want my head cradled like that.”

What?  Where the fuck did that come from?  Me?  Her Royal Highness, The Ice Queen?  She Who Doesn’t Cuddle?  Ms. Independent “Boy Toy Collector”?

i was startled enough to almost drop my book.  Yep.  That very thought appeared in my head.  Couldn’t deny it.  Trying to get my head back in my book, that pesky little thought nugget wouldn’t let go…

At the moment, i have no interest in being half of a couple.  i like flying solo, have sufficient companionship to keep me entertained – and non-cranky.  Life really is good.  But, despite rumors, and my own violent protestations, i have to admit it:  i am, in fact, a human animal.

Biology is a powerful motherfucking force.  We are driven to couple – despite the fact that my eggs are on the verge of becoming dust particles, the limbic system still says “MATE, MATE, MATE”. 

Thankfully, the bartender delivered a plate of olives, hard cheeses, bread, prosciutto and tomatoes – along with another glass of wine.  Dinosaur brain is no match for copious amounts of alcohol…

* Had to look it up.  Executive Orders.  1376 pages, 1.2 pounds, dimensions: 6.9 x 4.3 x 2 inches.  Not quite 3 inches thick, but close enough…

Re-dorkulation

If it’s Wednesday? i’m in a conference room, surrounded by science people, trying to drink my weight in coffee to maintain consciousness…

Today’s event took me down a rather unexpected “character study” path… and i’m deeply perplexed. i’m hoping that both of my readers can help shed some light on a vexing phenomenon. i sure as hell can’t figure it out.

Let me start with a fundamental truth:  Humans are animals.  We are just as driven by the biological urges from our little dinosaur brains as any other animal.  This means that males of the species are driven to mate* – and as a result, will make an effort to be attractive to females of the species. 

So for the love of biology, please help me understand WHY an attractive man, a professor who is quite accomplished in his field, isn’t socially backward, and has a bright and engaging personality and a charming sense of humor would PURPOSEFULLY CHOOSE to wear a bow tie?!?!? 

No matter how attractive he is, how smart he may be, or how desperate i might get, there is no conceivable** circumstance where i would willingly exchange body fluids with a man who wears a bow tie with a suit.  To a meeting.  On purpose.   It just SCREAMS “I’ve got Mommy issues”… 

Deal breaker?  Oh, yeah…

Oh Dear, I've been RE-DORKULATED!

Oh Dear, I've been RE-DORKULATED!

* Women are equally driven to mate – despite how it may seem to some of you gents – but we are the “keepers of the egg supply”, and given that we are born with a finite number of eggs, we protect them.  Saving them for potential fertilization by men we perceive to be The Most Powerful Egg Protectors.  Yes.  i am a romantic.  Surprised?

** see what i did there?

Pimp-in-training

The Boy, a university student, picked up a job at a local pizza place in the town where he resides – as much to pass the time as to make some cash.  This isn’t a chain pizza parlor, rather a family run business.  After a few months, he’s starting to get better acquainted with his co-workers.

There are only a few non-family members on the payroll.  The Boy has befriended one of the young ladies, an attractive woman in her mid-20’s.  Last weekend, he shared his attempts to help this woman improve her financial standing by teaching her some “Manage The Boss” skills.

It seems his co-worker is being aggressively pursued by the restaurant owner.  The Boy has pointed out to her that it would be in her best interests to think this through carefully before getting more involved. 

The Boy:  I told her that she’s got to be ready to walk away from the job before giving in to him.   I also recommnded that she hold out before putting out.  She didn’t realize that she could actually use the power over him for personal benefit.

daisyfae:  This sounds awful.  Why are you in the middle of this?

The Boy:  Well, I wanted Monday off, but the boss said “No”.  So I suggested that she test her powers with the boss – just ask him on my behalf for the day off to see what happens.  I’m trying to empower her!

daisyfae:  You got Monday off?

The Boy:  Precisely.  So now she’s working on getting us both a raise.  Once i turn it into financial gain, I can officially claim “Pimp” status.

Am i proud?  Sort of… i mean, he’s using the powers for good, and he’s imparting a valuable lesson on this young lady.  i think…. Then again, this is the kid that was trying to loan shark his sister when he was 5 years old.