Jesus hates me because i swear…

Jesus is pissed off at me.  And i’ve got the “boo boos” to prove it. 

The Sunday bike ride took me 15 miles east of the homestead, to a quaint little town located conveniently along the bike path.  C-town is home to a small christian college, and not much else.  It is also the whitest, up-tightest and superficially politest burg in the region. 

On the weekends we head toward C-town, my bike buddy and i often grab lunch at a coffee shop, where we can play board games while waiting for our food. 

The last time we were there, i had to bite my tongue to avoid saying “MOTHERFUCK” every time the Yahtzee dice failed me…. to keep from offending the sensibilities of the nice bible students quietly immersed in… ummm…. i dunno… some sort of really pure, selfless thoughts i guess.  i sure as fuck wouldn’t know….

Needless to say, i failed, but managed to keep the decibel level reasonably low.    It was a dice game, for fuckssake…

Last Sunday, however, we’d made a pagan miscalculation.  The restaurant was closed.  As was every other good christian-run restaurant in town.  Sunday afternoon?  Family time!  Well, that got another loud “MOTHERFUCK” out of me… we headed up to the local chain sub shop for sandwiches.

Freezing our sweaty asses off in the chilled restaurant environment, it was tough to get back on the bikes in 50 degree weather without shivering.  Being a rabid multi-tasker, i was pulling my gloves out of my zippered pockets, while tooling along at an easy 10 miles an hour when Jesus got even…

Rolled my bike.  He did.  Tossed me on the ground and certainly had a good laugh as i bounced along the road like a sweaty ping pong ball lacking fashion sense…  Shredded my left knee and elbow, and left a nice divot on my right shin. 

“MOTHERFUCK!” 

Yeah.  i said it again.  Nothing to lose at that point….

jesus hates meimage found here…