Would you do it on a stage?

Helping with the box office for my ‘home theater’ during the current production of Seussical, The Musical, i was asked to do the curtain speech.  This is that annoying (but legally necessary) bit where the audience is instructed to turn off noisy things, shown the fire exits and whatnot.

Given that i despise overly long curtain speeches, with a director* standing on the stage, reading items from the program (such as next seasons schedule), or whining interminably about the need for money, this was a nice chance to set a new world record.

Also, because this was a Seuss-related event, i took a half-hearted run at a Seuss-esque rhyme for the key messages:

Before our show can truly start,
        some important words i must impart
Taking flash photos with your photo gee-gaw
        is not only rude, it’s against the law!
The show will go quickly, intermission we’ll take!
        fifteen minutes for cookies, and merciful potty break!
In case of fire, danger or fright,
        exits are here and here, on the left and right**
Please turn off your pagers, blackberries and phones
        we don’t need to hear your clever ringtones!
One last thing before i have to go,
        Thank you for coming! please enjoy the show!

There was one other bit of information i was asked to mention, which wasn’t quite suitable for the rhyme.  A key contributor to our theater – the kind gentleman who donated the building we share with a senior citizens center – passed away last week.  I made a short mention, but what i really wanted to say… 

At this theatre, our hearts do sag
        We’ve lost our favorite money bag…
No shotguns or handguns, no terrible fright
        He just never woke up after sleeping all night…




* i was standing in for our Board of Directors president.  He clocks in at around 10 minutes every night.  i can’t say much to him because i’m sucking up – there’s a show i must do next year, and he’s directing. 

** Complete with the flight attendant “glued together double finger point” at the exits

the lovely “Cat in the Hat meets Grateful Dead” drawing is from a mural in Illinois (i believe), and was lifted from here….

“Give me 12″ and make it hurt…”

“so i screwed her 3 times and bit her in the shoulder…”

[ba dum DUM]


Snow.  Again / Still.   Actual blizzard conditions* out there…

This time, the prognosticators of icy death and destruction started early in the week, working themselves into a frothy frenzy of frozen fanaticism by this morning…

Me?  I’m grabbing a book and heading back to bed. 


“There’s no place like home….”


* The National Weather Service defines a blizzard as sustained 35 mph (56 km/h) winds which leads to blowing snow and causes visibilities of ¼ mile or less, lasting for at least 3 hours.  Check.