Surviving “Slug Week”: A Primer

That week between Christmas and New Year – purgatory on the calendar.  We are recovering from an overdose of sugar, sweets and exposure to extended family.  With the start of a new year literally just around the corner, we know we’re going to try to get ourselves right with our bodies.  But not just yet… We need transition.  Gentle movement away from mindless gluttony and sloth –  toward our newfound resolve of sacrifice, or at least moderation.
“Slug Week”
i  always work the week between the holidays, for a wide variety of reasons.  i  prefer to take my vacation when the sun is shining, not when faced with 18 hours of darkness and massive frigidity.  It’s also generally very quiet at work.  Most folks are gone, and those that are working are either in “fuck off” mode, or sleeping politely at their desks.  In either case, no one is sending me work, and i’m just fine with that.  No one notices if i show up late, then leave early to make up for it.
Despite all these wonderful things, a few tips are in order.  A list of suggestions for Slug Week.  Making the transition from “reckless self-abuse and gluttony” to “positive outlook for becoming the best person i can be” must be somewhat gradual.  Holiday recovery is not for pussies. 
DO bring all of your leftover junk food into the office.  Pack up the rum balls, shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate and even the partially emptied tubs of frosting leftover in the fridge.  By New Year’s Day, there should be nothing decadent left in your house.
DON’T sit at the Admin Desk and eat the shit you just brought in to work.  It was for THEM, dumbass.
DO continue with your exercise regimen during Slug Week.  It will help you kick-start your January fitness routine.
DON’T leave your sweaty gym clothes in your car overnight, when it’s going to be ball-numbingly cold.  Putting on a frozen running bra can stop your heart, or as a minimum, wake you up.  We can’t have that.  Transitions must be gradual…
DO start watching your calories.  Slimfast, or other meal replacements, can come in handy.  Bonus tip:  i keep a can in my car, so it is convenient – even when i’m on the run.  And this time of year? It’s always chilled!
DON’T mix a Slimfast with Bailey’s Irish Cream for lunch.  Drink the Bailey’s straight to cut calories. 
DO use the quiet time in the office to knock out a few things that have languished on your “To Do” list for months.  Take advantage of the abandoned workplace to do your most creative thinking…
DON’T bother even pretending to try the item above.  i  tell myself that i’m going to write that tech report, or knock out the big bad spreadsheet, or generate a new process description, or some such bullshit every year.  Invariably, i end up reading newspapers online, yakking with my equally sluggardly colleagues, or simply fighting to stay awake for six hours.  Skip the guilt.  Instead, go here and play games.  These are unlikely to be blocked by your IT department.  It’s NORAD!  What’s more important than National Defense?

Happy Slug Week!  Get out there in those sweat pants and baggy shirts and start thinking about preparing for getting ready to kinda start getting shit done next week…