Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied*…

It’s just hair.

Why have so many of us bought into the marketing myth that the perfect hair style, or hair product, will absolutely revolutionize our lives? We consider stylists to be magicians – that they can wave magic scissors and completely transform all that is rotten in our lives into goodness and light.

We all want to look good. To be attractive. That’s human. A flattering hairstyle is part of that… but it seems we look to “The Haircut” as the Big Momma of Transformation! i see dozens of photos of friends and acquaintances as they leave the stylists chair – “I did something! Look! It’s a New Me!” The modern, mysterious phenomenon that drives millions of people to take selfies in their cars** seems, in part, based on people feeling that they’re having a “good hair day”.

i’ll say it again – It’s just hair.

i’ve been sucked into this myth as much as anyone. i’ve kept long hair since childhood. i couldn’t imagine having short hair. A response to medication made most of my hair fall out about 20 years ago, and i was mortified! Hairpieces, products… you name it, i bought it! During the recovery phase, as my hair grew back, i felt that i looked terrible with short hair, and believed that it mattered.

Genetically predisposed to white hair, mine would have lost all color by the time i was 40, if i hadn’t intervened. Keeping some of the white for a few years, i spent a lot of money getting my hairs professionally painted. i played with bright red, purple and blue for the past few years, sorting out what i might want to do with all that white some day.

But this year, something snapped. Not sure whether it was triggered by retirement, or the time i’ve spent living outdoors, but the hair became a liability. A nuisance. It was thinning anyway, and i had to spend a lot more time to get it to look ok. Never ‘good’, just ok.

Without giving it too much thought, i told my hairdresser to just shave it all off. And she did. No more color, either. Cold turkey, it was just gone.


From a maintenance point of view? i absolutely love it! i wake up with a funky mohawked, bed-headed look, but a quick swat with a brush and it’s fine. My neck gets cold, but i have a gazillion scarves.


Appearance-wise? Still not totally used to it. Deeply ingrained in my personal body dysmorphic disorder is that i must have long hair to be attractive. Sexy? Maybe with some more piercings and a bit of leather.

i think that will come with time… Perhaps a bit less frequent than in my 40’s, the quality of sex in my life is delicious, and i’m happy.

Form follows function. It’s just hair. Most importantly? It aligns with the life i choose to live – on the road, off the beaten path. The very definition of simplicity.


 * No googling – anyone know the referenced lyrics?  

** i don’t understand it. Maybe it’s the natural light? If someone knows the answer, please enlighten me. As a friend says “I don’t just get in my car and say ‘damn, I think I look good in my car! Better capture this moment!”



38 thoughts on “Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied*…

  1. What? You’re still getting enough even with short hair? What is this world coming to?

    I’ve always been a fan of short hair on my partner. I didn’t like the long, stray hairs that would find their way across my face or into my mouth. My partner now has a cut similar to yours, and I think it’s awesome.

    • Really? The state of the nation erodes on so many levels!

      My companions have reassured me – words and deeds – that i am still me. Hasn’t seemed to dampen the enthusiasm, so i guess this was a non-issue all along! Who knew?!?

  2. For quite some time now my requirement from a haircut is that it leaves me with wash-n-wear hair.. No blowdrying. No product.
    I found my first grey hair at 15. In my teens./twenties I played with colour from time to time, but gave up. I couldn’t be arsed. It takes time and money and hairdressers are not my favourite places.
    And I really like your do.

    • That is the best part! Wash, condition, fluff and go! This will be a necessity as we start to do some serious globe trekking in 2018! i feel a little bad that i won’t see my hairdresser as often – for almost 30 years, she’s done the best she could with my mop, and she’s become a close friend! I’ll need to have it trimmed fairly often, and may still put some blue in it again, because that was fun!

  3. Still got that cheeky smile!
    Long hair can be very ageing.In my case, I have less volume now and it just looks straggly.
    Have I mentioned that i hate going to the hairdresser? All those bloody mirrors with that sad, grumpy face…
    As for spending money on gloop to plaster your head with- I never liked hair-spray. All I’ve been doing for several years is minimal shampooing/conditioning. I shampoo my hair maybe once or twice a week.In between, it’s simply water, plus conditioner every day.Unless I’ve been in the sea or got cobwebs stuck in it.

    • Thank you! It’s still me, regardless of how i’m shorn! Had found myself spending way too much time on it, only to have it look so awful I’d put on a hat and give up! Blechh! Long and straggly wasn’t working! I will have to shake out the leaves and dirt, though! No cobwebs – you know how I am about spiders!

      • A darling old family friend had shoulder length curly hair…and a baby and a toddler.Tired of mushed carrot-and-potato setting like cement she demanded “short!”. She said “It’s lovely.You shake your head and your hair’s done!”

        • It’s so easy – and that’s about all it takes. Dries in minutes, too! When it all fell out before, it was different – i was battling bald spots, and had a variety of clip on pieces that were meant to cover. A ton of work to make it look like i had a raccoon on my head…

  4. Yeah!! I have just stared Dreading mine in the preparation for the Big Shave next December! The same as you I have always had long long hair (I cut it short when I divorced but grew it back again straight away) but I have now reached that age where I don’t worry so much about what people think, I just want to experience as much as I can during my second 50 years here! So purple and blue dreads with seed pearls sewn in this year plus some funky wool felted in for bulk ( my hair is too fine for dreads but it is amazing what you can do with a felting needle!) and then in 12 months when the weight and maintenance gets too much I plan to shave it all off and wear lots of hats as I spend more time living on the road in my van!!
    I spend less time looking in the mirror these days and more time looking around.
    You go Girl! …… plus it looks great!!!
    X X X

    • Dreads! Yes! That suits your lifestyle – gypsy storyteller! i’d considered trying to do them, but have insufficient hair. i suppose if i’d researched it, i might have discovered the felting approach… but that now falls into the ‘too much effort’ category. i look forward to pictures when you get it all together – or perhaps a time progression of the progress! i suppose i could consider it in the future – i won’t always be in a place where i can get a decent hair cut, so it might all grow out again!

      You’ve nailed my current state of mind – less time looking in the mirror and more time looking around me! Onward!

    • Hi Yogi! Great to hear from you! i adored the link to the coquette post — she nailed it, and was quite efficient in her words. This change in ‘crown’ does signify a major change in my life — i’m getting over myself. i want to go be in the world, and simplify everything i have any control over. i have love, affection, sex, joy and all that i need – and best of all? that comes to me because of who i am, not what i look like! how cool is that?

      i’ll be out here poking at the blog – these last few weeks have been mostly fluff pieces, as i get back to the habit of writing. There’s more i want to say, more i need to process, and things i’m still actively working through. Hoping that the blog will once again serve me as i hoark up my innerds!

      Wishing you and yours all beautiful things! Hugs to you as well!

    • shut. up. The two of you are aging like Dorian Grey… i don’t wanna hear abouddit!

      i always wanted that cool salt-n-pepper thing that you have, and him too. instead? i got flat white. ceiling white. toothpaste white.

      pretty sure i’m going to add some funky colors, or just use some of that temporary chalk color or what not. and i still have more wigs in my closet than a drag queen. lots of options. but on a day-to-day basis, this is pretty cool. cheaper, too…

  5. By the time I was 32, my hair reached all the way down to my arse. It was a part of who I was and the way I presented to the world. But for a couple of years I’d been fed up with the high maintenance. My son turned 3 and up until then we had’t cut his hair either, so he these beautiful long golden curls. Unfortunately everyone kept thinking he was a little girl, and he seemed to love leaning over muddy puddles which the hair would then start mopping up.
    My daughter had to go into hospital at 5 months old for heart surgery, and my wife was with her for the 2 weeks she was in. Dealing with everything else, Rogan’s hair was just a step too far, so out came the clippers and 15 minutes later no one thought he was a girl anymore and maintenance didn’t get any simpler.
    3 months later I was giving him another trim and I was overwhelmed by how easy it was to manage. This was it. Time for my own long locks to go.
    I called my wife into the kitchen, handed her the clippers and told her to go for it.
    For 3 days afterwards, my head kept lolling forward until I got used to the lack of counterweight on the back (I was used to it being in a ponytail).
    And for 2 years afterwards, every time I put on a t-shirt, my hands would reflexively come up to pull the hair out the top and then I’d remember it wasn’t there.
    I’ve never regretted the decision though, and have been ultra short ever since. 🙂

    • What a grand tale (or is it “tail”?) My son had that mane of hair – curly, flowing locks. i made him get professional photos taken when he graduated high school – he didn’t want to, and i told him that he may never again sport such locks, and it would serve him well to have a good record of it. He agreed. Four years later, he was working outdoors in the cold. It got to be too much trouble to wrangle the hair under the balaclava required for the cold weather work. So he shaved it all off… which prepared him for life in the Army.

      These are somehow rights of passage.

      The cold neck is more of a problem for me than the lack of counter-weighting! But i’ve been wearing scarves and headbands to compensate.

  6. Have up on styling my baby-fine hair decades ago. And I’ve spent recent Summers spring the Sinead, O’ Connor look. Yeah, it’s just hair. And somehow, magically, we both look good. Hug Tank and the grands for me.

    • i am really liking the ‘wash, fluff, go’ aspect of this… and it behaves pretty well. when mine grew back (after falling out) it was much finer than it had been. and less full. it’s been a battle to do something with it ever since. this is liberating!

      have given the Tanker lots of hugs and pets, and will have a chance to see the grandcritters over Christmas!

  7. Rockin’ the short ‘do there!

    However, guess I’m the only person old enough to remember the musical “Hair”.

    Now humming ” Let the Sunshine In”

    • Ding! Ding! Ding! YES! A winner! I was about to report out that the title of this post is from the title song of “Hair!” One of my favorite scores, i often bounce around the house singing “I got Life!” – a fine anthem on a cloudy day!

      Granted, the lyric i chose was buried deep down in the lyrics, but it seemed to fit!


      • Holy bovine! How the bejeezelhooop did I miss “Hair/”???? I have been known to launch into”I Got Life” and “Good Morning, Starshine” on many occasions.
        Jeeze, kid! Don’t get old if your memory goes without you!

        • i pulled something from deep within the lyrics to “hair”, so you are forgiven! ‘I got life” is my personal anthem, if i ever had one!

  8. I recognized the lyrics from “Hair” right away. While today I don’t consider the song that great, back when it came out I really want to be cool and grow my hair long. My dad had such a hard time with my view. Just a few days ago I had a granddaughter ask me why I want to look like Col. Sanders. I still laugh thinking about her question.
    BTW – my opinion shorter hair styles on women look fine. Also it saves on plumber costs for those clogged drains.
    The selfies – I watched a stand-up comedian joke about how selfies should be called lonelies. How lonely do you need to be that you can’t find someone to take your picture, he asks.

    • That particular song is one of my least favorites from the score. “I Got Life” is an anthem that sets me to dancing every time i hear it! When it got radio airplay back in the 70’s, it definitely struck a chord with a lot of my friends. i remember the battle my brother waged with my parents to grow his hair long… amazing that it was so controversial, when you think about it now.

      Love the concept that ‘selfies’ are really ‘lonelies’. It almost makes sense if you’re taking a picture of a group of people doing something, or perhaps documenting a visit to some place special… but the car selfies are the ones that leave me the most confused.

  9. It does suit you DF, and I’m glad you’re representing (is that how you say it over there?) for the white haired ladies. It’s unfair that men can get away with grey but it’s still remarked on in a woman.

    I paid a record £15 for a haircut a couple of weeks ago and Wendy (the girl I am uselessly obsessed with) commented, unbidden and favourably, on it. I was walking an inch higher all day!

    • Thank you, looby. Although i’m very comfortable with the ease of care, i am still not sure it is particularly flattering – but i find that i care less. i still have a closet full of fine wigs for various costuming opportunities, so there’s that… But there are days ahead when i’ll do the full makeup, put on something a bit more special than my hiking shorts and smart wool, and start to own it a bit more…

    • It’s still weird. It does make me think i look older… but the magic is that i don’t fucking care! i’m 55. that’s probably how old i look. nothing wrong with that…

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