Autoerotica

Six distinct moments in my life.  i can tell you exactly where i was, what was happening, how the air smelled, the time of day, who else was present.  But mostly?  What I felt… because i experienced “love at first sight”.

It hits hard, fast, and with tremendous power.  Electricity.  Every sense tingling.  Heart racing.  Butterflies wearing combat boots trampling your guts. Trying not to give yourself away.  Knowing that you are momentarily insane, but not being able to stop yourself from falling headlong into that warm, boiling abyss.

Each time, i gave myself over to it.   Each time, i was fortunate discover the feelings to be mutual.

Dragging out the first part of the relationships – forcing myself to slow down.  The ‘getting to know you’ bit is intoxicating.  Fighting the urge throw myself into the fire with abandon and feel it all at once.  Let it consume me.

Six distinct moments in my life.  Three of these moments involved men.  One was a motorcycle.  The other two?  Fast cars.

My first auto-erotic experience was with a 1992 Dodge Stealth ES.  She was sexy, sleek and handled like a Formula One machine.  Slung low, with a wide stance and giant racing tires, she hugged the curves – knowing where to go before i touched the wheel.  That beast could read my mind, and we enjoyed an eleven year (and 88,000 mile) affair.

It ended because she became unreliable.  i was traveling 120 miles each day to assist with care for my father in 2001 and could not afford to be without transport.  With my spawn approaching the legal driving age, getting the speedy wheels out of the driveway was prudent.

At first, i tried to find a new owner for her.  More than selling the car, i was interviewing prospective parents – “Do you have a garage?”  “Tell me why you think you deserve to own this vehicle?” These questions didn’t attract serious buyers.  With a heavy heart, i traded her in, leaving the dealership in tears behind the wheel of my new car.  A car that could never take her place.

~~~~~

Studley and i arrived at a SCUBA party last July fashionably late.  Parking in the field adjacent to the house, we made our way through a warren of parked cars.  In the twilight, there was a radiant gleam – a softly shining silver machine that caught my full attention.

“Damn!  Would you look at that? Sorry honey, i might be leaving here with someone else!”

Not a straight line to be found on her pristine body.  Daring me to touch her.  Teasing my aching hand with her delicious curves.  Desire stirred within, but i had to keep walking. This was difficult due to the size of my virtual erection.  She belonged to another. With a final glance over my shoulder, i moved on…

Upon arrival, we learned that the owner of  the silver temptress was a young friend, Rob!  Since I’m not a Cougar, Studley was assured company on the drive home, but we had a fine time chatting about the latest acquisition to his collection of vehicles.

My unrequited lust momentarily quenched…

~~~~~

It was an unexpected delight to see her again in November!  Rob and i had planned a coffee date, and he wheeled up in his shiny siren to pick me up.  Turns out, the lust hadn’t gone far, and the fire was instantaneously re-ignited.

He mentioned that he might sell her, as he’d recently had to buy a car for his sister, and needed to cut back his collection.  He let me drive her.  i made an offer before the accelerator hit the floorboard.  We set a date.  That date was last Tuesday.

Sitting with the loan agent at my bank: “Rather than a ‘private sale’, this is more of an ‘open adoption’, as he will maintain visitation rights. Unsupervised visitations, of course!”  She smiled politely, and continued processing the paperwork, no doubt thinking that i was insane.

new baby

Tuesday night, i drove that sexy silver ’07 Jaguar XK home – with my somewhat forlorn ’05 Honda Civic looking on from the street.  She is getting used to her new home, sharing space with my ’83 Jeep CJ-7, and the ’91 Suzuki VX800 already comfortably settled in my garage.

i look forward to getting to know her, taking my time… savoring each moment.  Once the weather improves a bit…

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How do you know it’s love?

It’s cold here.  Unusual Arctic stream alignment has brought freakish cold to places that aren’t used to freakish cold.  With a side of high winds to make it more festive!

How cold is it?

Ambient temp is -10°F (-23 C).  It will be about -20° F (-29 C) tomorrow.  There is a good 30 knot wind to assure that any exposed skin feels even colder.  Wind chill is estimated to be – 45° F (- 43 C).

To put it in context?  Here are some points of reference.

Great Wall, Antarctica………………….33° F (0 C)
Mt. Olympus, Mars (estimated)………21° F (- 6 C)
Avery Ice Shelf, Antarctica……………14° F (-10 C)
Ajan, Russia (Siberia)…………………..2° F (-16 C)
Curiosity Rover, Mars (estimated)….-19° F (-28 C)

It’s warmer in Antarctica and Mars.

But i’m fortunate.  My office closed due to extreme conditions, and my home is warm and well-insulated.  i have plenty to eat, internet for connectivity, enough booze to keep the Russian Navy afloat and no shortage of projects to do around the homestead.  i can hibernate in luxury!

Oh, wait.  My dog is not toilet, or litter box, trained.  He must go out.  As an old man, he has a fairly regular schedule for his digestive processes, requiring two walks per day (along with some short mercy breaks for his ancient bladder).

Being a skier wannabe, i have perfectly suitable gear for going out in this stuff, but i was worried about the pup.  In less-freakish cold, he has had some issues with the pads of his paws on the ice.  i was afraid he’d stick to frozen ground!

Pawz to the rescue!  i found some lovely, inexpensive and stylish kicks for my dog!  Other than the dog wrasslin’ required to get them on his feet, they fit well and don’t seem to bother him once in place.

Mr. P in his purple kicks

A bit tentative at first, he still managed to do his thing…

Mr P sproinging

Smilin’ and stylin’ before long…

Mr P Snow

i used to say “How much do i love my dog?  i pick up his turds twice a day!  If that’s not love?  i don’t know what is!”

Now? i can further qualify that statement.  “i pick up his turds in Martian-cold temperatures twice a day”.

And i’m delighted that i still get to do it…