With one exception, i despise shopping. Hate it. Not shoes. Not food. Not baubles, bangles, and beads. Put me in a shopping mall for more than the briefest interval, and i hyperventilate and run for the fire exits.
The exception? Liquor.
Like a kid in a candy store, i will jump excitedly when i spy the new offerings in the vodka aisle, or bargains on single malt scotch! Despite limiting my alcohol consumption to only weekends, i still find tremendous joy in the hunt for treasures…
Preparing for a big ass throw down festive soiree at my place this weekend, i needed to stock both of my bars. Studley and i dropped into a favorite local haunt on our lunch hour today to retrieve a tasty limited edition strawberry vodka.
With four bottles of vodka, and two bottles of liqueur on the counter, the clerk started to ring up the purchase.
Clerk: Will that be all?
Studley: That’ll get her through til dinner. How late are you open?
daisyfae [to clerk]: Yep! Making some gourmet jello shots for a party! This will do nicely! [sticks tongue out at Studley].
Clerk: That’ll be $120.
i started counting fresh bills from my wallet…
Studley: Hey, those look a lot better than the last batch you printed!
daisyfae: You’re just a big damn help today, aren’t you? Remind me again why i brought you along?
Clerk: Would you like a box?
daisyfae: Nah. We’re just gonna drink it in your parking lot…
By then? The clerk was giggling at us. He grinned as he handed me my change.
Clerk: The way you two are carrying on? I’d say you’re either co-workers or brother and sister!
daisyfae: Well, damn! i guess that makes that thing we did last night a crime, don’t it?
Studley [to Clerk]: Momma says I’m the best kisser!
image found here
Trailer Park Refugee 
Can’t beat the quick repartee…
I hope there’ll be some sort of record when you two sweet idiots are no longer around?
Depending on what happens to the WordPress files in 100 year, we just might be… This has me wondering – where will all the words go? Will my future genetic spawn be able to find a trace record of great-great-great grandma out in the ether?
That was so good I had to read it outloud to Bob. He got a good chuckle, too.
Yay! We scored one of the coveted “Bob Chuckles” — WIN!
Love it. Love it. Love it.
And, how nice of the two of you to make the sales assistant’s day. Community service at its best.
You know we want to hear about the soiree as well don’t you?
There is going to be a jello shot contest. And a jello shot cake. And…. who knows? The party will be made by the attendees – i just provide the ‘substrate’! Will likely have pictures at some point – but it may take a few days before i recover!
That certainly explains the Hapsburg lip on your children.
Jay Leno is my cousin. And brother-in-law…
*cheers* sweetpea, i was laughing so hard that the MITM came over to find out wtf was going on! xoxoxox
And a BONUS score! The much-coveted “Savannah Laughs” award! Wheee!
I had a friend like that once. Note the past tense. Which reminds me, I need to go clean off my axe.
Hmmm…. When you get the axe nice and clean, can i borrow it? It’s for a friend… Yeah…. totally for a friend. 😉
Being a devout tea-total man of Ghod myself, I struggled to understand your fascination with the need for alcohol unless it is for a religious ceremony of course. I did however laugh to myself at the banter between the two of you, but I then somehow became distracted at the thought of you naked apart from a small leather thong, perfectly oiled and in a rather interesting position on my coffee table. Yes, I know it has nothing to do with your post. Jaysus, I never said I was perfect!
Ha ha ha! By eck who said Weegies were unromantic?
Loved Studley’s lines. I’ve got a bottle of Shepherd Neame bitter here and I’ll raise it in a vaguely Ohio-ish direction.
Only another Scot would know to call me a weegie hen. You cheeky wee bisom, eh?
can i have a translator, please? oh, never mind… i’ll just sit her and listen to you both prattle on a bit… i’m such a sucker for men of the islands!
I’m English, but I work in Glasgow, and I’m doing my Highers in Glaswegian this summer. There’s also a another small (cough) detail you’re out on 🙂 But hey let’s not quibble over niceties.
We went through a rather phenomenal amount of liquor Saturday night, so we attended a wine festival today to make up for it. (thud)
you must have a sturdy coffee table, good sir, or we’d be quite certain to shatter it to toothpicks! Let me introduce you to “The Chirch of Wretched Excess” one of these days… you’ll see Ghod, alright!
” i’m such a sucker for men of the islands!”
I guess that’s answered my next question…. It’s very hard to go to sleep at night with the light on, and vise versa.
would love to lend you a hand with that… at least a hand…
Oooo liquor stores AND tasteless conversations with the cashier. Glad you got the cashier with a sense of humor and not one with a finger hovering over the third digit of a 9-1-1 call.
We got lucky this time… we’ve run into sour-faced people in the world, and we ususally just keep farting around for our own amusement! being inappropriate has never been a concern for either of us!
The image that Chef put in my head refuses to go away ….
Damnit!
Strawberry vodka, pink lemonade and a splash of blueberry juice …. very tasty!
Or add triple sec and some lime juice for a sweet martini.
yes. i am well beyond the age where i should be oiled up and wearing nothing but a thong. but damn, he’s a silver-tongued divil, ain’t he?
love the concoction – i enjoyed the strawberry with just a splash of tonic. and by ‘splash’ i mean ‘molecule’. probably do the triple sec and lime – i like sweet n sour drinks!
You sound so much like hubby. He hates shopping, but he loves his scotch! He’s sipping on his Johnnie Walker Blue right now.
I hope you had a FUN weekend! Are you recovered yet??
You and Studley are a match made in heaven!
Oooh, The Blue! Nice! We had a blast over the weekend – full house, fun people, new friends and old friends, and a devastating amount of alcohol-infused jello concoctions! and then there was a wine festival on Sunday! We couldn’t wait to get to work on Monday morning to REST!
You naughty, naughty siblings, you.
“Mom! He’s touching me!”
“bargains on single malt scotch”
Well this Scot has never seen such a thing… Sometime prices that are somewhat less extortionate than the usual extortion perhaps, but bargains? At the price they charge for water running off our hills and fermented and distilled seeds? Shocking. But keep buying please… we need your money 🙂
Doing my part to assist the Scottish economy, good sir! It’s not so much that the prices are reduced much – we have government control of liquor prices here in the States. It’s that sometimes there will be small discounts, or they’ll throw in a nice decanter or some promotional item. Single malt is not for the faint of wallet…
Vodka kills recessive genes. Everyone knows that.
But whisky feeds them, and beer makes them fat… there is no winning against the recessive genes…
Having had my lifetime’s supply of alcohol already, I go all salivary over dvds at the mall. A bit messy but…
Understood! The reality is much less ‘intoxicating’. i drink on weekends. during the week? iced tea… helps keep things balance, and is nicer to my liver!
Please visit the cigar store I work in sometime.
I think we could give you a run for your money. 😉
~m
This would have been a lot more festive if the kid had played with us! Pretty sure that you and your squad at the ceeegar emporium would have had us rolling! Tucking that thought away for a future roadtrip!
This would have been a lot more festive if the kid had played with us! Pretty sure that you and your squad at the ceeegar emporium would have had us rolling! Tucking that thought away for a future roadtrip!