About three and a half years ago i fled left* my home organization for a new job. There was angst involved, but i tried hard not to burn any bridges.
As i left the new shop to return to a cool new job at the original mothership last week, it seemed the bridges were still intact. In fact, in an act of apparent organizational desperation, i was asked to serve as Master of Ceremonies for the annual corporate awards banquet.
i’m sure you know the standard “Awards Luncheon” scenario. Rubber Chicken and Peas served lukewarm to tables of “conscripts”. Boring lunch presentation – either by an retiree/historian, or some other droning dinosaur. A dozen award categories, making sure that no possible job function is left out.
Figuring that the MC gig would be a nice chance to announce the return of the prodigal technologist – i agreed. Moments later? Stricken with the horrible realization that i had NOTHING appropriate to wear.
i’ve gained 20 pounds in the past year, and none of my dark business suits fit**. Having begun the ritual weight-loss effort, there was no way i was going to go buy a new “fat suit” for the occasion.
While going over details with Studley, he jokingly said “Hey, you could borrow my tux!” He immediately saw the little puffs of steam coming out of my ears as i munched it over.
Studley: “We can stop by my place on the way back to work and you can try it on!”
daisyfae: Oh, hell yes! i can open with “Wilkommen” from Cabaret! Nothing like some camp to liven things up!
The tux fit. The plan was hatched.
Practiced it all, including many hours spent farting around with a magician’s cane. Scaring friends in bars. It had to be perfect – literally only one shot at getting it right! Got the Audio/Visual squad involved – and they helped me lay in backing tracks for the song.
i was prepared – but no one else knew what i was planning. Not even remotely nervous – until i saw our CEO walk in… The guy known for tearing off heads, ripping new assholes, and generally being a humorless curmudgeon. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea?
Too late. All in. Go big or go home. Yada yada yada….
Showtime!
Slight case of nerves in front of about 250 people – but the cane worked perfectly, and got a chorus of “Oooohs and Ahhhhs”. As i got to the word “Welcome” i was looking right at Mr. CEO – and he had thrown his head back…. with laughter! He was clapping!
Whew!
The rest went well, our guest speaker was actually funny – and i managed to keep my job.
Got a short-notice ping from friends as i left work, inviting me to a Friday night VIP “Ribbon Cutting” event at a restored mansion, now being used to host weddings and special events.
Since i was already dressed for it…. Went headed off to VIP Wedding-land for some free beer and appetizers!
And THIS is the closest i’ll ever get to a wedding dress!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* Wrote “AMF” on the sign out board. Stands for “Adios, Motherfuckers!”
** Why can’t they make them with “power stretch” panels – like maternity clothes?!?!?
Trailer Park Refugee 
Oh, you are daring all right! How absolutely wonderful. You saved yourself the cost of a new suit and salvaged a boring company luncheon. Ask for a raise before the bloom of the event fades. They do make pants with stretch panels like maternity clothes. They are incredibly comfortable too. I just bought a corduroy pair from Arthurio Lino’s Completo Collection. You can find sellers right on eBay! 🙂
i don’t expect a raise – just want to keep the job for another 4 years, 11.5 months! i will have to check out the expandable line of clothing. sounds much nicer than my plan to launch “Lazy Cougar” at the local K-Mart…
You rock!
And roll!
You look great! Go, Daisy Fae! Yay! X
Thank you! It was a fun day/evening! Dressing up is a blast – and i really didn’t have to worry about what to do with my hair!
Burning bridges is an amature mistake. Do so at your professional peril
The top had really makes the scene.
“Zo. Life is dissapointing, erg?! Vee haf no troubles here!”
i had one of the servers at the banquet ask if i was going to pull a rabbit out of the hat… perhaps next year?!?! Vee haf no troubles here!” indeedie!
Nice! You’re a character, but we knew that already. Go big or go home to be sure. Glad it paid off. I’d probably blow it from nerves without a few drinks in me. And with a few drinks in me, I’d probably blow it by being inappropriate. Good work!
There was a flask, of course. One little nip of “Cake” vodka in my iced tea before the show took the edge off. And a healthy swallow at the end!
Wow. just wow. You rock the tux look, Daisy. And even CEOs have streaks of humor. What you were doing was actually appropriate to the occasion, so it didn’t tweak his “tear a new asshole” function button. I wish that all company luncheons could be so scintillating.
i didn’t want to be disrespectful to the recognition ceremony…. so at the end of “Wilkommen”, i took off the hat, and put down the cane, and did the rest of the script reasonably straight (a few jokes here and there). Afterwards? i put on the hat, picked up the cane, and left the stage with a reminder to folks not to take themselves so seriously…. that life is short, and no one gets out alive, and perhaps they should remember… “What good is sitting alone in your lab? Come hear the music play! Life is a Cabaret, old chums…” Took a bow, spun the cane, and exited stage right! A little bit of theatrical bookending for the event…. it worked.
From here on out, you are in charge of all company events….those that want to have fun that is. Well played!
there was a suggestion that i do it next year. i think not. no way i could pull it off without the element of surprise! always leave ’em wanting more!
Dang, sister, you look hot. I was supposed to be the best man at the wedding of a lesbian friend of mine, and I was going to wear a tux too. But then my friend and her partner broke up. I don’t know which makes me more sad, the breakup or the fact that I couldn’t wear the tux.
Tuxes are fun – i even wore the sock garter thingies that hold up your socks and hold down your shirt! i’ve done the ‘Best Man” gig before — even hosted the Bachelor Party! (oh, Cram? You still reading? can you vouch for the Epic Nature of that bachelor party?)
Duuuuuude
The memories of the party have lasted longer than the marriage!
I guess I should have gone to the awards banquet, but I’m not partial to squirrel and cold peas. You’re back? Why wasn’t I informed?!?
we rocked the “Tux and Chucks” look, though! nothing wrong with a starter marriage. mine lasted 25 years…
just back two weeks ago… i move like the Baltimore Colts, baby… in the dark of night!
By all means please stop by and say hello when you have a free minute. Welcome back!
will do! and hey – if you need some boxes to pack up some of the crap in your office? oh, wait…. i already recycled all of mine! 🙂
Should have said – dips to Studley for the idea *and* the tux.
i’ve got to get it to the cleaners before our next big event – Oscar night party. red carpet event. we’re going all out for that one too. will need to do hair, gown, tiara, and make up. he’ll get off easily with just the tux…
I’m sure he will look stunning in a gown and tiara… I’ve seen his legs – he can pull it off!
the boy waxes up right purrrty!
What a star you are! And you look great in the tux!
HI Carol! Welcome to The Park! Can’t say i’m in any position to quit the “day job” – but it was fun to shake up the old “nerd herd” a little with some left brain work!
I bet everyone was relieved that at last, someone had decided to introduce a bit of pizazz into what could have been a bit of a borefest. And it never harms to get oneself noticed.
oh, there are times when it is bad to be noticed… times when one is naked in a public place, doing something of a sexual nature. i HATE that kind of “getting oneself noticed”…
You’re amazing DaisyFae!
I wish someone had been that creative back in my Office Goddess days; it sure would have made some godawful boring luncheons more tolerable.
it has already been mentioned that i may be asked to do it next year. not happening. this year? i had the element of surprise working in my favor. can’t pull that off two years in a row….
Maybe you and Studley both don tuxes next year and perform this
THIS! This is one of my most favorite film scenes EVER! It could happen! Oh, yes! i’ll have to be the monster, and we’ll need white tie, but it could happen!