The plan was hatched last month. My sister, T, and her partner, TK, finished renovations on their beautiful home in Florida. They wanted to find a way for Mom to visit, but Mom would not fly alone.
TK is a frequent flier, and needed to rack up a few more segments to maintain her “AssKiss Preferred” traveler status. She offered to fly up in the morning, pick up Mom, and fly back with her the same day, giving Mom a week in sunny south florida.
My job? Picking up Mom and delivering her to the airport. Knowing that i would need a ‘gate access pass’ to get her through security in a wheelchair, i enlisted Studley to help with transport.
Yesterday was the big day! We had agreed to stay in touch by text, doing group messaging to keep all members of the team on track. By 7:00 am, T had gotten the ball rolling… With T, her partner TK, and her sister KK in the loop, we made it happen! Game on!
Follow along and see if you can figure out what was happening. This went on for about 16 hours!
~~~~~~~
T: Plan in execution. TK is Giraffe, KK is Zebra, T is Lion, Mom is
WhiteBird. Daisyfae is?
T: Giraffe is at gate.
TK: Giraffe is on plane and ready to take off toward Motherland.
daisyfae: daisyfae is Moose. Moose is scratching her ass, playing “Angry Birds” and having coffee.
T: Lion snagged pumpkin pie ice cream for breakfast.
KK: Zebra just finished morning gallop. What time is Giraffe’s return flight?
daisyfae: Giraffe and WhiteBird return 9:40pm. Moose and Squirrel
(Studley) will update on launch from Motherland.
T: 10-4
TK: Giraffe has landed in Motherland. Beautiful day!
T: Giraffe went to watering hole. Sign says “Dry til 1:00pm”. Shitty
luck.
TK: When will Moose arrive with WhiteBird?
daisyfae: Moose and Squirrel inbound to pick up WhiteBird. Will send
smoke signal on next leg of safari.*
TK: Roger. Out.
daisyfae: Moose and Squirrel have WhiteBird in hand. Repeat.
WhiteBird inbound! Smoke signal on arrival at aviary to arrange Giraffe
connection.*
daisyfae: At curb. Squirrel out for recon.
TK: Giraffe is with Moose, Squirrel and WhiteBird! Headed to feed.
daisyfae: Found oasis near aviary. Negotiating terms of hostage
transport over wings and beer.
TK: Cleared Checkpoint Charley with WhiteBird and Moose. Waiting at
gate.
T: Lion guarding tropical bird nest.
daisyfae: Moose taking WhiteBird to litter box after Giraffe returns
from provisioning at aviary snack shop. Squirrel waits in parking lot,
protecting “Angry Birds” from green pigs.
T: yee-HAW!
daisyfae: Moose and Squirrel northbound. Giraffe and WhiteBird
preparing to board magic carpet to Lion.*
TK: WhiteBird and Giraffe on magic carpet waiting for the rest of the
animals to settle. Moose and Squirrel did a great job handing over the
goods.
KK: YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!
T: Stand by, Zebra. WhiteBird is about to fly.
TK: Magic carpet engines ON! WhiteBird and Giraffe are buckled in
and headed to tropical nest.
T: Left gate early. ETA now 9:30pm
KK: Flight tracker ETA 9:10. Tailwind.
daisyfae: Moose and Squirrel back at Northern Command Post.
T: Zebra with Lion at tropical nest. Awaiting arrival signal.
TK: Carpet ride is over. En route to meet Zebra and Lion after
collecting gear.
KK: Zebra in motion.
T: Giraffe – report location
TK: Still at gate.
T: Zebra and Lion waiting safely in Ant Hill. Ready to deploy.
TK: Have goods. To curb for retrieval.
KK: Zebra is moving.
daisyfae: Moose has vodka tonic.
T: We have WhiteBird. Repeat: WhiteBird reunited with Lion!
daisyfae: Mission Accomplished!
* While i was driving, Studley served as communication officer. Messages marked with an “*” are all his…
Trailer Park Refugee 
Not to be too picky, but shouldn’t your mom ‘s call sign be “leopard.” !
Brilliant and funny! More families should do this. In fact, more air travellers should. Go! Gran’ma! Er…lion.
Sister T did the naming, and had yet to see Mom’s snazzy housecoat, but perhaps we can rename her for the operations on the return airlift!
Group messaging sounds very much like Twitter. A great safari.
Just a text message with 4 recipients… i still don’t ‘tweet’. not sure i’d know how!
i love this! damn, sugar, this has to be the funniest thing i’ve read in ages! thank you! xoxoxox
Happy to entertain! Safari is going well so far! i keep getting the cutest damn pictures of them hanging out together!
Tango-Oscar-Oscar Delta-Alpha-Mike-November Foxtrot-Uniform-November-November-Yankee!!!!!
Lima-Oscar-Victor-Echo Tango-Hotel-Echo Sierra-Papa-Echo-Charlie-India-Alpha-Lima Oscar-Papa Sierra-Tango-Yankee-Lime-Echo!
*giggle snort* oh, yeah! we didn’t do NEARLY enough of this! afraid it would have fried KK’s circuits if we had! well done, sister!
It was my ‘second language’ for 10+ years working 911.
It’s fun to rattle it off! 😀
thought maybe you had prior military! 911 is close enough!
I need a vodka gimlet now ….
I’m not surprised!
It’s tuesday of Thanksgiving week and i’m 2 drinks short of a coma…. c’mon, folks. you’re slackin’….
I may be slackin’ right NOW, but give me another 24 hours and I will be right there with you!
Gimlets galore !!!!!!!
We don’t do thanksgiving. We do drinking! Over and out (cold)
Last night we kicked off the Alcoholidays. my thanksgiving prep involves a trip to two liquor stores. attending 2 parties, hosting 2 more. over and out indeed…
This was hilarious. Although I was hoping Lion would say “Target is acquired. I repeat, target is acquired.” Studley/Squirrel did a splendid job as Comm Officer, too.
Lion doesn’t have your military exposure! Suspect you could have put us all to shame! Studley was extraordinary – Hazardous Duty pay for dealing with my fucked up family, too!
I love the “throw momma on the plane” line. Brilliant
alcohol is my muse…. sadly….
You’re lucky…I’m old enough to still have the earworm!
http://www.metrolyrics.com/mama-from-the-train-lyrics-patti-page.html
Oh yeah! i had forgotten this one! i was thinking of the film!
I’m sure you have the NSA and Homeland Security with their panties in a twist trying to figure out what sort of terrorist plot you people were hatching. Way to go, and way to have fun! have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
suspect they are still too busy digging in the general’s undercrackers to be paying much attention to a bunch of drunken louts coping with family logistics on a holiday week! thanksgiving is on the way, and my defense mechanisms are prepared for full deployment! with mom in FL for Thursday’s event? i’m TOTALLY off the hook with the Trailer Park crew! SCORE!
you and yours make my days better, best read in ages! (though video of whacking a dirt mound with huge shovel beast was great)
delighted to serve, akacat! we sent a lovely post-visit gift to our friend up north, in hopes that he had as much fun as we did, and that we can score a return opportunity! i really want to lift some logs! things weren’t set up to do it that day, but he said it could be worked, knowing that we are industrial equipment junkies!
A big well-done on all of you for affording your mom a pleasant, well deserved vacation. So she’s there for Thanksgiving? Is that correct?
Yes, she’s staying through Thanksgiving! T and TK are bringing the meal to her, with TK’s extended family descending upon the homestead for a glorious feast! For the past 10 years, Mom hasn’t had that “home cooked Thanksgiving” from our past, and i suspect she’s going to be itching to go back next year. they are spoiling her rotten, fussing over her like royalty, and i’m hoping that this is the highlight of the year for her! This is the first time Mom has been to visit T in over 10 years…
I’m confused….
i was afraid that it would be too complicated! was funnier because i knew who was what!
Too many animals…
T is a Leo, hence the Lion. TK (her partner) is tall, thin and incredibly athletic – hence the Giraffe. TK’s sister? She is also athletic, and runs in a black and white striped get up. Mom? Shockwhite hair! Therefore, WhiteBird. Me? Large, slow-moving and likely to do damage to your car if you run into me on the highway. Studley? Well, Moose and Squirrel go together well (Rocky and Bullwinkle), but he is quite industrious! 🙂
Lol! I get it! You’re too smart for me!
i minored in Zoology! not smart at all… you are the one with the gift of design, lady!
….and Roger That! 🙂
Wilco and out!
Thank you for the gut ripping laughter. it was too much for my little pup to take, he had to come give me kisses because he thought there was something wrong with me. Best thing I’ve read all day. Surprisingly I completely got all the references for the names. Awesome stuff. How fun to turn a potentially stressful situation into a fun narrative.
Happy Thanksgiving, Lady! Sorry to have confused your pup, but delighted that you were tracking! We did the reverse operation today – Moose drove back to the Aviary to retrieve WhiteBird, and Giraffe returned to the Tropical Nest where Lion cooked up some turkey soup. Squirrel? He had to work today….
And I now have “White Bird” as an earworm!
i suppose there are worse songs to have stuck in your brain!
It’s a small world, after all…..
ooooh! that’s a bad one. my one (and only) visit to Disney World with my young kids left that stuck in my head for a week!
Sounds like some complicated drug deal.
It could have been, but she’s very stingy with the Xanax….