Leaving a weekly staph staff meeting, i stood up with a slight flinch, as my vertebrae grudgingly gave in to verticality.  Shuffling out the conference room door, a colleague asked “What is it now?  Bicycles? Horses? Mountain climbing?”

“Well, a bit of this and a bit of that… Rode the motorcycle 60 miles Saturday, and then did a trek on the back of the tandem Sunday.  Still sore from roller skating last week, too.  But i’ve got to get my body loosened up for horseback riding lessons tonight…”

A much younger colleague laughed and said “Oh, you cute, crazy old folks!  Sitting around at the rest home, playing euchre and watching TV!”

Listening to the snap, crackle and pop of my knees as i started up the stairs, i continued “And then next weekend?  Off to Miami for some diving with my sister, and….”

i stopped cold.  Turned and looked at the two of them.

“Oh, shit!  i know what’s wrong!  i’m a tampon commercial!”

A bit reminiscent of the old joke:

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is eight years old and the other  one is five years old. The eight year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout.

The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”

The eight-year-old replies “Nope, not for my mom.”

Without thinking, the cashier responded “Well, they must be for your sister then?”

The eight year old quickly responded, “Nope, not for my sister either.”

The cashier had now become curious “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?”

The eight year old says, “They’re for my five-year old little brother.”

The cashier is surprised “Your five-year old little brother?”

The eight year old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!”

30 thoughts on “Diagnosis

    • Ha! Had to look up “whist” – and am inclined to learn, and modify, the rules a bit. Everything is better when you’re nekkid… well, except public speaking. that’s the stuff nightmares are made of…

  1. Groan (at the bad jokes). You, in a retirement home? Snowy day in hell. Apart from anything else, you have to keep going as an inspiration to the rest of us. Even if I found you a little late, you have pushed the rest home a little further away from my future. Mega thanks.

    • there is no doubt, i will slow down. and i will certainly choose a retirement home, over imposing on my children. preferably one with a skating rink, horse stable, and multi-party hot tub!

  2. It’s ironic hen that the ‘youngsters’ get their only exercise from twiddling the knobs on arcade games while laying flat out on their beds. I naturally assume you will be roping, breaking and branding the horse yourself prior to riding the beast?

  3. See, these ads have always bothered me. I love the video, I’m still laughing. It makes me think about the erectile dysfunction ads and how ridiculous they are. I mean, what is it with the bath tubs in the Cialis ads? I still remember being very confused by the levatril ads when the guy was throwing the football through the tire swing; I thought the drug was for arthritis…

      • dinah – you could find them on youtube, but it probably isn’t worth the effort. the ads for erectile dysfunction medications are horrid! virile-looking men, with gray hair, dancing with their hot wives in the kitchen, getting frisky while watching tv. the worst offender is Cialis brand, where a couple is shown sitting on a cliff-top in ‘his and hers’ bath tubs, holding hands. What?

    • Yep. i hated them when i was younger, and now they just make me laugh! The Cialis “bath tub” ads are a hoot… And gotta love the clever “football/hoop” shot. Puh-LEEEZE!

    • it’s been a running joke at monday morning staff meetings to see how long it takes me to stand up after the meeting… and listen for what sorts of noises my bones and joints make! we should form a band – “The Coots”

  4. I’ve ALWAYS (hee hee … I kill me!) despised those commercials!
    Same with Cialis.
    But like you, I now get a chuckle out of them.
    Not so much when I was younger …. I found them appalling and demeaning.
    The joys of aging …. 😉

    On a side note, I LOVE the joke!
    I have a soft spot for cornball! lol

    • It is funny how my tolerance changed – from total sheepish, leave-the-room embarassment as a teen, to laugh outloud hysterical abuse as a quasi-adult! i also have a deep and abiding love for cornball jokes. will never leave me….

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