“What the Fuck Were We Thinking?” – Part 896

As i careened into the concrete wall, adjacent to the carpeted area at the local skating rink on a Wednesday night, i looked at Studley* and asked “What the fuck were we thinking?  Seriously?”

He sat on the bench, stretching out his calves, and shins, and arches, and feet, and thighs and said “I have no fucking idea”.

We stood up, and launched our middle-aged carcasses back out onto the hard wood floor for another few counter-clockwise circuits.  Dodging the little kids.  Being swooped by the douchebags more skilled skate-dancers.

On our next rest break…

daisyfae: Is it worth it?  Really?  Is this the stupidest thing we’ve ever done?

Studley [deep in thought]:  …

daisyfae:  We’re going to die!  Is this the worst one yet?

Studley: We’ve said this before.  I’m trying to remember when…

We went back after it.  Around and around.  Stiff of lips, and stiff of legs.  All in – at least for tonight.  Until we had to take another break, because the DJ had just turned down the ambient lights, and cranked up the moving disco lights, which had an unexpected effect on our stability and balance.

pic found here

“Do or do not.  There is no try.”

Fuck you, Yoda.  Now, how about using that Jedi-mind-trick-thingie to take down that dancing, skater, douchebucket who just buzzed past me?”


* For new readers, Studley McRocklegs is the call sign of my Statistically Significant Other, S.S.O.  My dive buddy, adventure buddy, and fellow “making up for lost time” mid-life crisis partner.

50 thoughts on ““What the Fuck Were We Thinking?” – Part 896

    • i eat glucosamine chontroitin like M&M’s, honey. breakfast and bedtime. closest thing i’ll ever find to religion. we are on a mission. probably a horribly planned, ill-advised mission, but a mission nonetheless. shit. i’ll watch the Louis CK (god, i love him) video when i wake up. bed is calling. loudly…

    • Yeah. Gravity. Not just a good idea, it’s the LAW. Damn it… But we were SO good at it back then? i KNOW you were a roller-rink diva, because you are THAT cool. i can get it back. right? RIGHT?!?

  1. Whenever I hear the Elizabethan Serenade…I still want to pull a 360 degrees off a sharp toe break, and finish with a reverse glide.
    Of course, it’s a tad difficult on the living room floor…I wonder where the nearest rink is.

    • i used to be able to do the toe break, a 360 and reverse glide. never actually looked good doing it, but my moves were servicable… this isn’t like riding a bike, it turns out. more like riding four bikes at once….

    • it was fun… once i got over the stiff-legged terror. and i’ve been wearing them around the house for a week to break them in. i just wish there weren’t other people there — little kids scooting in front of a large old lady (me) who can’t really stop all that well? recipe for disaster!

  2. A perfect montage of witicisms expelling the virtues of mid-life tomfoolery. As much as I chuckled to myself at the vision of you taking out the opposition with acidic wit, as usual, laughed at the familiar “what have I let myself in for” feeling that we all experience. I still found myself lingering, perhaps longer than I should, at the thought of just how nice your ass looked in lycra as it tumbled rather sexily in front of me. Strangely enough, it is not for the first time either.

  3. Despite the pain, the bruises, the shame of being lapped and bombed by the young and limber you are enjoying this. Now ‘fess up. And anyway you have to keep it up so you can tell the more lazy of your readers (me) what it feels like to exert ones self.

    • yep – it’s fun AND funny. and i’m on a mission, so there’s that… still don’t think this is going to end well, but i’ve got to give it a go! one of those things that if i don’t make an attempt, i’ll wonder about it forever!

    • i don’t have much longer to tackle such things – a few years at best. i’ll be relegated to a tour bus, cruise ship, and buick before long. doing it while i can… these are quads – the roller blades are heavy and tough. these are little and nimble!

      give a huge hug to my darlin’ friend and his mate! if i hadn’t already been on the hook for several obligations, i’d have found a way to get out that way and give him that hug in person…

  4. Where did you find the time machine to travel back to 1977?
    Seriously. Roller disco?

    You got yer hands on a time machine and you roller skate. Save Lincoln, stop Hitler, there’s gotta be something better than roller disco.


    No time machine?

    This was now?

    YES! It’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

    • yes, the time traveling – if you woke up today and we beat Germany in WWII, and Mr. Obama is president? then you’ll know i succeeded…

      the disco thing is a mystery – and kinda funny. when i was a kid, i HATED disco. as a crotchety old lady, skating with a bunch of kids who are TOTALLY into it? i find it funny – and i feel a little sad for them… For my next visit, i’m going to have to whip up my giant soft-serve 80’s hair, throw on a ripped, oversized t-shirt and some leg warmers…

  5. Not the stupidest, really. But taking flasks to the rink with the thought it might make you better at skating? Probably.

    With your determination the skill will return. And, I will say that when Jim and I decided to learn to dance, taking lessons was very very helpful… I’m pretty sure that they have people who teach skating.

    Random thought: I wonder if training wheels would make it easier or harder?

    • while learning to ski, we discovered that just a teeny bit of kahlua or godiva liqueur in the morning coffee was sufficient to relax us to the point we could ski better. wondering if a teeny-tiny bit of whisky would have the same effect at the rink. But believe me, i know better than to get hammered… because i’d certainly break a bone or eight!

  6. What Yoda said, i mean i know i smoke to muich grass and of late have been watching The Big Lebowski to much but that little green muppet makes more sense every year that goes by… and if it makes you feel any better i’ve decided to learn to ice skate, i got two grommets who want to play hockey and it’ll help if daddio can just go and skate around with them, gotta hurry while i still have insurance though, 10 working days and a wake-up and i’m officially unemployed….

    • i have patterned my life after the teachings of The Dude. you DO inspire me to continue this gig — if you are going to tackle ice skates for the boyos, then i can stick this out a little longer to see if i can make it happen…

    • excellent suggestion – i could use my motorcycle gear! full helmet, kevlar jacket and leather chaps… with some padding added underneath to support more bounce should i hit the hardwoods….

  7. To me, this is probably one of your more sane ideas! lol
    Maybe that’s because I still roller skate! 🙂
    Quads only …. inline skates & I do not get along.
    Of course, I also have a 7 year old that me & my closer to middle-aged ass MUST keep up with! lol

    Bring a flask next time.
    And make sure you have really good insurance coverage.

    • if i’d have kept skating – even after my spawn gave up rink time – suspect i’d be in better shape for what lies ahead! nice that you have a chance to do this with your kids! And my insurance is up to date, so away we go….

  8. One thing that I really envy from American culture is how the skating and rolling rinks were / are a centre for disco culture. What a way that would be to meet someone. Slamming into walls is all part of it, there’s no shortcuts!

    • it does seem a little frozen in time — the clothing is a bit different, and the ‘cool’ skates are no longer the tall white boot skates for girls, but short, neon quads. the vibe? exactly the same as it was in 1975. the skaters even sped up when the DJ dimmed the lights…

      At our rink, if skaters were going too fast? the floor guards would have the DJ play organ music, instead of top 40 pop dance tunes… wonder if i’ll get to see THAT happen?

    • i should wear football padding for this adventure…. there are two kinds of skaters: those who have fallen, and those who are going to fall. but i’ve got to do this! after the first night out, i was surprised to only have a little soreness in my thighs and butt the next day. going back this week….

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