And now for something completely different…

As if attempting to learn to ski, ride horseback, motorcycle and SCUBA dive in my late 40’s weren’t enough, the early 50’s beckon…

Those are indeed roller skates on my feet.  In my kitchen.  Attempting to pour a vodka tonic while navigating around 100 pounds of deeply confused dog meat.

Like Roller Girl from Boogie Nights, i believe the way to master this particular feat is to keep them ON my feet for as many hours as possible each day.

It will not be an option at the office.  At least not until i get my wheels more solidly underneath my crazed – and soon to be very bruised – ass.

Stay tuned, folks.  Film at 11…

38 thoughts on “And now for something completely different…

    • one minor tumble in the kitchen. i blame the floor tile seams, rather than the vodka, as well as the fact that i was attempting to do a ‘circle turn’… no bones, or animals, damaged… so far.

    • i’ve got roller blades. used them fairly extensively when the kids were pre-teens, and NEVER got comfortable on them. they killed my arches, and no matter what i did (inserts, pads, etc), i could never get that to go away. never mind the fact that stopping on roller blades is like stopping on ice skates…. which is a LOT tougher on pavement than ice. i was good on quads when i was a kid. i can hopefully re-learn this as another winter passtime….

    • they add 6″ to my height, making me a good six feet tall! suppose that would allow me to look squarely into your chest when i get there… i’ll be over just as soon as i figure out how to keep the wheels from leaving scuff marks on the walls!

  1. I always knew that you rocked – and now you roll as well. I remember some spectacular bruises from that sport though – and they were incurred without alcohol and with a modicum of youthful agility. Take care of your important self.

    • thank you, dear. i’m experimenting with whether it’s easier to LEARN a new trick at my age, versus RE-LEARN something. i am a believer that it has to be easier to bring back an old skill than start from scratch. i’m taking my calcium, though, and hoping for the best. winter is on the way, and i need indoor sports and activities to keep me moving…

  2. With my room to come 50th I goes tip isn’t obligatory! With my sense of balance or rather lack of it I’d be in hospital in minutes!

    • i’m going to translate from the ‘fat fingered translation guide without autocorrect’ — “With my soon to come 50th, I hope this isn’t obligatory”. No sir, it is not required — only for those who don’t know better by the time they hit this age!

  3. Looks like fun!

    I have a pair rollerblades lying around my garage that still fit me. I’m not putting them on though. The last time I went to a roller rink (one of my kid’s birthday parties a few years back) I noticed that it is not like riding a bike. Oh, it comes back, but not as fast. It took me quite a while to get the hang of it again. Watch out kids! Here comes 230 pounds of Dood. I think I took out more than a few of them. I remember one pile in particular. I don’t know who the kid’s Mom was, but she gave me an awful glare when she pulled her son out of the pile. It wasn’t my fault. He fell down right in front of me. As for those behind me who piled on top, they weren’t watching.

    • That was me when i tried to use the rollerblades at the rink when my kids were doing those elementary school skate parties…. Ugh! it made my arches ache, too! Quads are what i grew up on, so i’m hoping i can get the hang of these better… never DID learn to stop on blades…

    • Sort of…. still not sure what i’m doing with the blog, but don’t feel comfortable leaving it where it was after my last couple posts… And yes, roller girlz rock da house!

  4. Ooh, looks like fun! When I was a kid in the fifties, I wanted to be a Roller Derby queen. A friend and I used to go to “Skate-a-Rama” in our hometown almost every weekend when we were in junior high. She had a bunch of cute skating skirts that we shared. Ah, good times…

    • That was pretty much what we did in the 60’s and 70’s, too! Grew up watching banked track roller derby, and fell madly in love, but my days at the skating rink were a bit tamer than that. And just about the time i got pretty good on skate, and Mom finally knuckled under and bought me a pair of those cool white boot skates so i wouldn’t have to rent the ugly tan ones with the size drilled into the heel? Skating on Friday nights was kinda outta fashion…. and i couldn’t find anyone who wanted to go with me. But now? I’m old and don’t give a crap, so…

  5. You’ve made me remember the only time I tried ice skates. Being not too shabby on standard wheels, I thought I’d be fine. Wrong! Couldn’t even make it ’round the rink so I handed the stupid things back and sulked.
    But I did love my wheels. sigh…

    • Being able to skate on wheels does NOT transition direclty into ice skating! i did the same thing — and when they opened the outdoor ice rink downtown in my city? Thought i could learn more easily since i had some time in roller blades. Nope. Still didn’t work. ice skating is REALLY tough… will put that one off til my 60’s…. or not 🙂

    • stroller and skates would be a good combination. i will have to borrow a baby… and it’s probably not conducive to roller derby to be pushing a baby, but maybe that will become my schtick?

      yes, he is a chocoate. rescue pup, but purebred chocolate ADHD labrador. they are unique, and special. have had him for 11 of his 12 years. stayed PURE PUPPY until he was about 6 or so… a friend who trains dogs in basic obedience as assistance animals said “they are the only labs we don’t use as assistance animals”. they are goofy. BUT – i have had many dogs. This guy? PURE LOVE! Have never had any critter in my life like this one… enjoy your brown dog! they are magic!

  6. I read this a while back, I can’t believe I didn’t comment…. You have a MUCH more liberal mother than I had. We were NOT ALLOWED to wear our skates in the house because of the bad things they did to the floors, not to mention what would happen to knick knacks if a child was careeening about uncontrolled. Roller skates in the house were right up there with running, with or without scissors, and using the kitty’s tail as a handle.

    I never had skates with boots, at least not roller skates. My skates clipped onto my shoes with a key. They had to be the saddle oxfords too, because tennis shoes did not have a sole that the skates could clip onto. After we moved to Colorado (when I was 7) roller skating went by the wayside in favor of ice skating. First of all, there was a lot more winter than summer up there at 8400 feet. And second of all, there were NO sidewalks upon which to roller skate. I found out very quickly that the dirt driveway and the asphalt shoulder of the highway just weren’t conducive to the roller skate thang. Of course, back when I was a child, the roller blade had not been invented.

    There. I’m dating myself.

    • oh, we were NEVER allowed to skate in the house! now that i’m paying the mortgage, i make an exception! Until my junior high school years, i had the same sort of ‘keyed’ skates… it was the reallycoolbootskates that i coveted…. and had to rent all through elementary school.

      now? well… see the next post. where i OBVIOUSLY have more money than common sense, have purchased fabulous little quad skates, and am – for reasons that even I don’t fully comprenend – have decided to get back on that rink.

      oy. this is not going to end well…. but i can’t stop myself….

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