Pool Snark

Local temperature:  hotterthanfuckinghell for the past few days.  i’d managed to ditch work, and get poolside by 4pm.  Silence.  Between baking in the heat, and dipping in the cool, chlorinated water, i was enjoying a fine decompression cycle.

Fifteen minutes into my human laundry operation, i heard a gaggle* of boyz descending upon the communal facility.  Five of them, ranging in age from about eight to twelve years old.  Equipped with squirt guns, they barreled through the gate, and dive-bombed the water as i was relaxing on a lounge chair…

Their mother/keeper and a friend settled in a few minutes later on their chairs, a few yards away from me.  As the boisterous boyz played a noisy game of “Capture, Drown and Torture”, their mom said “Watch out that you don’t get other people wet with those, okay?”

i was the only ‘other people’ there, so i appreciated that she was attempting to manage the chaos.

Within minutes, however, it was clear she was going to SUCK at managing the chaos.

Running on the concrete, taking one of the metal pipes apart, and very nearly drowning the youngest.  “Don’t squirt water in his face!  You hear me?”  They were having a blast on a hot day.  “I said you need to stop running, okay?”  The noise didn’t bother me, as they were having fun.

It was when i got hosed with the squirt gun unexpectedly that i started to get a bit miffed.

Mom:  Boys!  Be careful with those!  And stop running!  [to me] Sorry!

i waved it off.  Went back to dunk in the pool again to re-soak my body and swimsuit.  As i walked down the steps into the pool, one of the kids ran past Mom (who was now back to yakking with her friend), and then cannonballed himself into the pool nearly on top of me.

Mom hollered some more ineffective parental-sounding statements, and the boyz went back to their chaotic play.

It wasn’t the noise, or even the splashing, that finally got me to leave.  It was having to listen to one of those milque-toasty, door-matty, victim-moms pretending to be an adult, while a herd of kids run her over like a sailcat on hot asphalt.

Started to pack up my gear.  Put the towel around my waist, slipped on my sandals and headed toward the gate.

Mom:  Sorry they’re so loud!

daisyfae [cheerfully]:  Well, being sorry and actually doing something about it are apparently two different things!  But hey, enjoy the rest of your day!

pic found here, along with a nicely written post on wimpy-ass parenting.


* What’s the collective noun for a group of boyz?  In this case, i’d have to go with “A Feral of Boyz”.  For crunchy, middle-aged broads like me?  Pretty sure it’s a “Snark”…

47 thoughts on “Pool Snark

  1. Oh, man! You have hit the nail on the head (or the butt) with this one, Daisyfae. Worse yet is the parent who “threatens” the kids and then doesn’t follow through. Kids aren’t stupid and they learn pretty quickly to ignore it. Good for you—that was a great comeback. hehe

    • As i’ve said many times here, i love the sound of kids playing! Sheer joy! Sure, it was nicer before they got there, but i’d have been ok with the noisy pool play, since it was a hundredfuckingdegrees out there! But lord have mercy, i’m surprised that woman could stand, having no spine whatsoever!

  2. Snark ain’t enough; some serious ass-kicking was the order of the day.

    Did you happen to observe the response to your snark? Would have been interesting to be a fly on the wall at the pool, I’ll bet.

    Next time, bring a depends with you – better yet, wear one, pre-filled with chocolate powder or other some such for effect. At the right moment, enter the pool and let ‘er fly. Then watch the little bastards scatter.

    • Didn’t catch the response, as i had turned my back and walked away. Alternate tactic should it happen again: i’m going to be that nasty old broad who swears like a motherfucking sailor into her cellphone. If Mom complains? i’ll mention that the rules say “no horseplay”, as well as “curb your spawn”. If she want’s to create a hostile environment her way? i’ll create one my way and we’ll take it to THE AUTHORITIES for resolution. Pretty sure the ancients on the council would side with the nasty old broad on this one….

  3. Perhaps you could’ve joined in with the “Feral of Boyz” (thus becoming…what…a “Snarkal”?), laughed insanely, gotten one of their squirt guns, and absolutely blasted the nattering hens who weren’t watching over the kids. If you got a complaint, “Hey, I thought it was okay since you let do whatever the hell they wanted.”

    Yeah, i guess i don’t play well with others and shouldn’t get into situations like that…

  4. So inconsiderate, and I’m glad you said what you did. I almost pity the mum, because she’s going to suffer the most from the fear of disciplining children. They’re going to grow up being utter selfish shits.

    • don’t know if parents in the UK have become so wimpily pathetic, but it’s epedemic here. she’s got a rough road ahead of her. really hope all five of them weren’t hers…

  5. Oh, I don’t wish I was the fly on the pool after you left because I’m sure she continued to do nothing effectual about disciplining the horde. Another sort of parenting ploy that I deplore is the parent who says, “I’m counting to three….” and then counts slowly and deliberately…. and then …. a big fat nothing. The kids know nothing is going to happen. What a waste of breath.

    • absolutely no consequences – other than the possibility that mom would say “stop that!” again if they continued. when one of them took the metal pipe off of the water line, and chased another into the grass? she DID stand up from her chair when she yelled, showing much more authority…

  6. Daisyfae, hooray and bravo. Kids having fun is one thing, but endangering and annoying others is unacceptable! Meanwhile, Bon Vaccance et bonjour from Paris…

    • i really don’t mind the kids as much as the mother that enables them… been very busy all weekend and haven’t had a chance to go back. looking forward to seeing her again!

  7. You may be a snark (wonderful, wonderful title) but I am laying claim to psycho bitch from hell. Thank you Daisyfae – I came to you for respite, and that is exactly what I found. I also love you.

    • it was fairly passive aggressive, and has no chance in hell of ever making a smidgen of a difference in how this woman views the world. but it felt good. and sometimes popping off a little steam is a good thing… better than throwing concrete blocks in the pool and asking the kids to bring them up for me…

  8. Really? My dad’s one look would have stopped me from doing whatever….
    Kids aren’t the same these days…or, should I say, parents?! I hope I was better than the poolside mom.
    Happy 4th daisyfae!

    • my technique was removal. if they were doing something in public that was fun and they were being disruptive? we left. discipline to follow. had to unfortunately leave a grocery cart with stuff in it on a couple of occasions, but they pretty soon learned that tantrums got them in instant, home-based ‘time out’. with no opportunity for bribery at the checkout counter…. happy holiday to you as well!

    • we are sweltered as well. i can’t be bothered to put on clothing around the house – and i have central air conditioning. i just know it’s miserable out there, and need to be nekkid…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s