Spent four hours in the car with Mom last weekend.
Picked her up in The Park, and we went out to dinner, and then to a dance recital for my youngest nephew. Drove an hour back to my place to spend the night and relax a little. The next day, we drove to visit my cousin for the memorial service for her deceased husband. After lunch with extended family, and a beer with The Boy, i drove her back to The Park Saturday evening.
A bit of a whirlwind visit – tiring for her, but she was a trooper and enjoyed herself. Lots of time together to talk. And talk she did.
In addition the continued “spleen vent” about the slow progress* on renovations to her home, updates on various family members, and the requisite recital of her current medical complaints, we also covered a few other family issues.
My brother, T, and his wife are getting a divorce. His third. Her first. It appears to be civil. My Mom and oldest sister, S, have been trying to provide emotional support to T as he gets things sorted out and prepares to set out on his own – yet again.
He and i have talked a few times over the past few months. i’ve offered to listen, as needed. He asked me to help him update his resume, as he’ll need to find a more substantial job.
Mom seemed a bit surprised that T had been in contact with me.
Mom: He told us something in confidence. Now, if I tell you this, it’s in confidence. Did he tell you that he’d been raped when he was 12 years old?
daisyfae: Yes. Back in November. i remember getting absolutely furious when that Penn State coach was busted for raping children around the same time he told me.
Mom: He told you then? Why didn’t you say something about it?
daisyfae: He told me in confidence**. He was working with a counselor to sort through all of it. Said he planned to talk to you and S about it soon. i figured it’s his issue. He needed to handle it the way he needed to handle it.
Mom: Well, it was bound to happen. He was always wandering off and catching rides with strangers! It really doesn’t surprise me that he was molested…
If it is physiologically possible for a human being to simultaneously drop her jaw and bite her tongue? In that moment, i did it.
daisyfae: It wasn’t his fault! He was twelve years old! [calming down so as to keep the car in the lane of travel]. There’s no excuse for raping a child. It wasn’t his fault.
Mom: If he’d have told us about it, we’d have contacted the police. But he was always running off like that…
i tuned it out. There were still forty miles to go before we got to where we were headed and i needed to drive.
But i had to wonder: Did she say this to him when he told her?
i need to call my brother. Check in to see how he’s doing.
image found here
* Some progress after 3 years. My niece, DQ’s husband, BJ, is laid off again. While he is getting unemployment compensation, he’s been able to do a little more work on prep for the heating/air conditioning system. “Some progress” is better than the “micro-progress” that was happening last year.
** And Momma wonders why i’ve never told her ANYTHING personal all these decades…