Bruiser

Due to the copious amounts of topical steroids i use on my skin to treat an occasionally gnarly case of psoriasis, i bruise easily.  Very easily.  To the point that i have become accustomed to seeing a good deal of purple and blue in the mirror as i go about getting dressed.

Changing into my cycling gear last Sunday, Captain Bligh* commented on a large purplish-black baseball-sized bloodblot blooming on the back of my left arm.

Captain Bligh:  Where did you get that?

daisyfae [checking reflection in mirror]:  Huh.  How ’bout that?  i have absolutely no idea.

My shins and legs are in a nearly constant state of battery, but my upper body is usually spared.

Captain Bligh:  Pretty sure I didn’t do it.

daisyfae:  No.  But it could be some other sort of “USI” – “Unidentified Sexual Injury”.

Or, in fact, it could have been a “UDI” – “Unidentified Drinking Injury”.  Or some combination of the two.  But i’m sort of used to it… and don’t give it much thought.

daisyfae:  You know, if i ever die of suspicious circumstances?  You and my other gents are in deep shit.  The ol’ “CSI’s” will be on your doorstep in a heartbeat!

i’ve suggested that they should all wear red carnations to my funeral.  So they can identify each other, throw back a few beers and talk shit about me after i’m gone.

But maybe they should pool resources and hire a really good attorney…

* The gentleman formerly known as “Mr. X” has self-selected his own callsign.  After our tandem cycling ride, where he kicked my ass from the front of the bike, he thought it a suitable name.  Seeing as he both inspires and shames me into working out more, i’d have to agree…

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37 thoughts on “Bruiser

  1. Is it Vanos by chance? I use that and get the same thing. The coumadin I take doesn’t help the situation. *ugh* I always use the line.. “Oh this bruise? It’s from Rip.” (smile)

    • Clobex, Taclonex, and something else i can’t remember right now. i rotate them around. Only way to maintain some degree of effectiveness. and like you, i’ve occasionally blamed the bruises on me on whoever i happen to be with at the time — even Mom… “Mommy hits me when i cry!”

  2. WordPress has played mean and nasty games and made it hard for us blogspot bloggers to comment. I think I have foiled it.
    I also bruise. Easily and often. Door jambs move and I frequently have bruises on both upper arms. My smaller portion insists I have to know where I have acquired the colourful display, but I don’t. I assume the same is true for you.
    We only have UDOs in this house (Unidentified Disgusting Objects) – usually associated with the cats’ digestive processes.

    • i wil root around and see if there’s something i can do to change my settings to make it easier… i’ve had trouble with blogger on occasion, but i think they fixed it…

      No, i’m not accountable to anyone for bodily damage… truth is? most of them come from my activities. i need to get tall riding boots, because it turns out riding a horse in motorcycle boots will leave some rather horrid tack marks on your shins and calves…

    • Yes, WordPress Happiness Engineers need a damn’ good bruising!

      I’m not a chronic bruiser, like haemophiliacs, but every few days I manage to whack an elbow on the window latches when carry a laundry basket. I blame stupid architects who don’t allow for arms akimbo when carrying baskets along a narrow passage.

      The world needs more female engineers and architects! Any volunteers?

      • i’d be a pretty worthless architecht, unless you’re fabricating a home from compound semiconductors! i also get the ‘elbows’. my old home had textured paint on the walls — like sandpaper. so rather than bruises, i had scrapes on my elbows all the time! it was maddening!

        • I wonder whether it’s something to do with eyesight. Kirsty is always knocking herself, walking into things, not seeing obstacles and so on. Having lived with her (not any more of course) for a decade, and learning to crouch myself into something approachig a small ball as she passes, lest she first crunch my foot under hers before pouring hot coffee over my legs, I learned that she just can’t register her immediate surroundings with the necessary accuracy and depth of field that some others have.

          Solution to WP annoyance: log in to your wp account (which took me ages,
          since I never use it and I don’t know what the bloody password is do I?), go to personal details, and change the email address with which you’re registered to a unique one.

          It’s a fucking cheek – I’ve been blogging for a decade with my own domain and own hosting, and now WP wants to steal the email address off me.

        • eyesight is a factor… i tend to be klutzy, and can attribute some of that to the loss of my peripheral vision (i am horribly nearsighted and wear glasses most of the time).

          i do plan to complain to the wordpress folks about the new process. although as a user of the free service, i’m not sure i have much sway…

    • The “I” is just the price you pay… and on occasion, a friendly reminder of time well spent! Although i am not one to proudly sport blue handprints around my neck!

    • Ummmm…. because sex is really, really fun.

      the reality is that this one probably came from my wrought iron headboard — because the cat was in the way while i was trying to sleep!

        • Vagina is the most undervalued commodity on the world economic stage. Those of us who give it away for the price of companionship and fun are not helping much, are we?

  3. I’m hungover, i just wanted to see if it was as hard to comment as everyone said… i’m gonna ket you a t-shirt that in the vein of Keep on Truckin’,with a cartoon 18 wheeler on the it but on the side of the truck it will say Keep on Fuckin’, i’m slick like that.

    • i am likely to avoid both forms of injury this weekend, as i will be assembling a rather complex piece of furniture. a murphy bed. oy. what was i thinking? there will be injuries, no doubt, but very little fun along the way!

  4. I’ve had a few USIs in my day… One of my favorites was on the bicep areas of my arms where I had wrapped them very tightly and used them as leverage for pull-us and ins…. It did take me a while to figure out where those particular bruises came from. Another sort of stealth attack I have experienced comes from the car door that doesn’t necessarily stay open while you are trying to unload your groceries. Sounds like your bruise is in the perfect spot to be attributed to that.

    The thing is, if you bruise easily it doesn’t necessarily hurt when you are acquiring one, and so it is easy to understand why you didn’t notice,

    My very best bruise story happened when I was visiting one of my girlfriends who had a two year old. We were playing “airplane” (I was on my back on the floor flying him around) and he accidentally kicked me in the chest. The next day as I was dressing Jim looked at me and said it great shock “Where did you get that bruise?” I said, “What bruise?” He directed me to the mirror, where I discovered that my left breast had a very ugly black spot about 3 inches in diameter on the tender underside. After a few moments of thought, I said, “Oh! Jeffrey did that to me yesterday.” The darkly suspicious response I got to that was “Who’s Jeffrey??!” in a dark, I shall go beat the tar out of Jeffrey tone. It took only a few minutes to explain the two year old and the circumstances…

    • the ‘jeffrey’ story is a hoot! like you, i have had more than a few USIs. have had fingerprint marks on my thighs — not due to excessive force, but an attempt to keep me from falling off a bed and breaking my neck! he got points for chivalry! banged my head, but his quick thinking saved me a far worse injury, i think!

  5. USI’S!
    YAY!
    I wear them proudly! 🙂

    Since we’ve already established that i’m a klutz, I routinely have bruises in some very odd areas.
    Thankfully, Jack understands this and doesn’t get all suspicious when he sees bruises where he knows he didn’t put any! 😉

    Happy St. Patricks Day!
    Time for a UDI!

    • this one surprised me – because i couldn’t even SEE it…. i actually avoid looking at the backs of my arms, as they are starting to resemble my mothers…

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